Saturday, April 1, 2023
HomeRelationship AdviceBf doesn’t like hair down there

Bf doesn’t like hair down there

I’d really like to hear guy’s opinions on this especially because I don’t understand.

My bf and I have been dating for 4 years, since we were both 17. I’ve always known he isn’t a big fan of hair *down there*, but I halfway thought it was a phase he would grow out of. I’ve also always preferred to be bald anyways so it was never an issue that came up.

Lately I’ve been letting it grow out more. I always keep it maintained (edge wise) and I still go bald every once in a while, but not as often as my legs anymore. I actually started to dig it more than being bald all the time.

Well, my boyfriend says it’s a turnoff. He legitimately does not want to have sex if it’s there. And I don’t even mean a bush, I mean 1-2 weeks worth of growth. I get having a problem with stubble because that can be painful, but hair in general I do not understand.

There have been a few times that we’re about to do the deed and as soon as he feels it, his mood is ruined. So he has just started asking me beforehand, “is it hairy”. It’s ridiculous and makes me not even want to have sex with him anymore, even if it’s not.

I’m not even self conscious about this, just confused. My bf was not my first time but he is my first long term boyfriend, so I don’t really know any different. But I do know that pubic hair is normal. I also know that I will not be a 30-40 year old woman worrying about being bald every time my husband wants to have sex (we do talk about marriage, and this won’t fly). Will he grow out of this? What is the deal? Any insight would be great.

View Reddit by pinkpoppyseedsView Source



  1. Just personal opinion but to me that sounds a bit silly. I get that people have preferences when it comes to body hair but to a certain degree you have to just accept that adult humans have some hair in certain places. Unrealistic expectations from porn might be the cause or reason.

  2. This opinion is going to sound too subjective to give so confidently, but *in my opinion*, being turned off by a bush is a personal preference, while being disgusted by 1-2 weeks of growth is being a little bitch

    ETA: I honestly feel a bit self conscious of my comment the more upvotes it gets, because I do have a strong negative preference against going down on a man or woman with a bush for sensory, smell, practical, aesthetic, and social reasons, including my sexuality and exploring my gender in the past influencing how I value feminity and the willingness to bring the gaze upon oneself. I would personally not go down on anyone with a full bush, and this would negatively affect our intimacy. I feel like a huge hypocrite for posting this without the proper nuance, because I see people bouncing off of my comment that it’s ‘controlling’, and I actually don’t think it’s controlling. I just think the nature of the severity of the preference in relation to the amount of hair makes someone a little bitch, but I’d hate to be the reason others are harsh against men for having strong boundaries about their preference. I think the preference itself is a bit silly and reflects his attitudes toward women, but I don’t resonate with comments saying not being down for anything despite a preference is controlling.

  3. I know you asked for guy’s opinions.. I’m not a guy, sorry. But wow.

    I’ve seriously even thought to myself I’d understand not wanting to do oral if I was really hairy, because I have a serious aversion to hair in my mouth, personally. But not even wanting sex at all? He sounds childish as fuck.

    Does he also care if your pits/legs are shaved?

  4. Honestly, I love having a short trimmed bush, I think it suits my personality and my boyfriend loves it

    I shave a couple times a year to surprise him with something different, but really he just wants me to feel comfortable in my body

    I’m not saying you should reconsider your relationship over this, but having a boyfriend with no preferences (or even a little preference for hair) has made my life so much easier than it was before when my exes wouldn’t touch me with a pole if I wasn’t shaved

    Do what’s best for you, but it is sure as heck easier to be with a man who doesn’t have strict preferences (when you don’t feel the same way) and I know I wouldn’t go back

  5. I’m a guy, and I don’t think he’s gonna grow out of this. I don’t really care if there’s hair down there or not, and I’ve never asked a girl to shave. In fact, if they were ever self conscious about it I would let them know it was okay and didn’t have to shave it. The fact he’s grossed out/turned off by this is very strange to me. I think he’s pretty immature for this, it’s not that big of a deal, and he shouldn’t be making you feel bad about this. You should let him know that. The only way for him to “grow out of it” is to realize he’s being inconsiderate, rude, and unrealistic

  6. My guess is he has too many social or pornographic influences.

    Waxed is amazing. Full length is a little annoying if I’m going down on someone, so a trimming is ideal from a getting hair in my mouth standpoint.

    Hair or not I would never tell my girlfriend how to maintain her down theres..

    You need to own your body. You’re allowed to change your mind on your hair preferences. He’s not allowed to tell you anything other than his preference (ie how to manage yourself)… If he creates a stink about it then I would stand my ground and just say “yo… Deal with it… Resent me if you want, we can move on, but if this is your deal breaker then peace”


  7. Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.]( We’d like to take this time to remind users that:

    * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](

    * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned.

    * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. (Includes, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, FDS, MGTOW, etc.) Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**

    * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don’t get a free pass.

    * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, “body counts” or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, or situations involving minors and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**

    If you have any questions, please send us a modmail.


    #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.

    *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*

  8. I’m not a man, but I spent way too long with a “man” with a porn brain. Don’t waste your years on a moron. It’s not about whether you’re natural pubic hair is generally considered attractive. It’s not your job to become their personal, ideal woman that’s all based off of cow manure anyway. What a waste of your life? Not to mention how much more enjoyable sex is with pubic hair. It acts as a traction tool, can help prevent bacteria from entering, holds pheromones and is a signal of mating age. It’s not raw, animalistic sex, it’s a delusional standard invented because it looks more appealing on camera. But them again so does surgical altercations. The “because I’m a man with preferences” is getting really out of control and the reality is, it’s far beyond that now, it’s just plain morons. Herds of morons. So, you could let him hold this much power over something so damn petty, shape and mould yourself to be not a partner but a live in porn actress without the epic pay, or make a hard decision right now that, this isn’t something you wish to tolorate any more. You could wait around for him to grow up, but that’s a huge risk it won’t happen, and you’ve just pissed away all that time you could be with a real man.

  9. Hair down there protects you naturally from things that would infect you or your partner.

    It seems unhygienic.” Doctors and medical experts, however, say that pubic hair grooming does not promote cleanliness — in fact, it’s more hygienic to refrain from shaving. Pubic hair protects sensitive skin and traps bacteria before they enter the vagina, so when it’s removed, vaginal irritation can be more common.26 Apr 2017

  10. Sorry to say it but maybe you have outgrown each other. You are at an age where a lot of teen couples branch out to other relationships. Or in reddit lingo, “break up.”

  11. Body hair is a preference.

    He is welcome to dislike pubic hair, and you are welcome to keep it natural.

    If he doesn’t like it, he can find someone who keeps it clean-shaven.

  12. I get having preferences, but he doesn’t get to tell you what to do or demand it, or make you feel like you have to if you want to have sex. I don’t know if it’s something he’ll get over, but if I were you, I wouldn’t hold my breath for it. Personally, as soon as someone didn’t want to have sex with me just because of a little hair, I wouldn’t even think about staying in their bed any longer. He just sounds immature. There has never been a time I was grossed out or stopped sex because of a guy’s hairy balls. They’re supposed to have hair. Genitals have hair. If that’s going to be the deal breaker, he doesn’t deserve the cookie. Someone who really loves you is going to put their unrealistic preferences aside and want to have sex whether you’re hairy or not. And yes, expecting a grown woman you’ve been with for years to be completely shaven down there every time you have sex IS an unrealistic preference in my opinion.

  13. This would be a deal breaker for me… I do like to get a Brazilian but I also like to push it out and have hair. I’m a woman I have hair I’m not a little girl…

  14. I’m the same age and have been dating my bf for 4 going on 5 years as well, so while I’m not a guy I figured my opinion might be more relatable. When we first started dating, I was *always* shaved bare. I was self conscious of it and my bf preferred it. I also preferred him to be bare, so he understood how annoying it can be.

    However, as I’ve gotten older I’ve become more comfortable and so has he. We both generally let it grow out for 1-2 weeks before shaving again. We both still prefer the other to be bare, but neither of us care and it doesn’t turn anyone off. We love each other’s body, personality, and face, and always have a wonderful time. Something as little as some hair wouldn’t turn either of us off.

    I think you need to have a talk with him about it. Firstly, see if you can figure out why he gets so annoyed by hair. Does he watch porn? That could easily be the issue—my bf and I have not watched porn since we started dating, as we both believe it to be akin to cheating and it can absolutely alter people’s (especially men’s) sexual expectations. What about hair is so repulsive? Ask him how a little bit of hair can deter him from all of your other qualities.

    Then, talk with him about how it makes you feel. I’m guessing something along the lines of “hey, I really feel undesired by you when you reject me for having hair”. Talk to him about how an ultimatum is unfair to you. You can’t force him to have sex with you, but it is important to communicate your feelings. If he doesn’t shave, start telling him he needs to shave regularly if he wants to expect you to shave/be bare. If he wants you to get it waxed, then tell him he needs to start paying for it and coming along to your appointments (so he can be the one wasting his time and money).

    And if none of this works, and he just decides to jack off and ignore you because of it, something is gonna need to give. It’s unfortunate, but I’m gonna guess you don’t want to break up with him over something like this. So, if he refuses everything, your options will end up being to shave/wax still or deal with not having sex anymore (or break up with him). Honestly, I wouldn’t want to be with someone who can’t appreciate me even when I’m not 100% perfect, but it’s your decision. My bf and I have established we both want the ability to be lazy sometimes and still be intimate, so maybe just try to establish that with yours.

    Good luck! Would love to hear how it turns out 🙂

  15. I like hair and I like without hair and everything in between. I dont prefer it permanently shaved, but if the girl I’m with likes it like that then that’s the way it is. My preference doesn’t trump what she wants to do with her body, if she takes my preference on board then that’s cool too.

  16. Does he shave? Make him do it too. Don’t forget the ass area too. Fair is fair.

    There’s a lot of judgement that someone that prefers hairlessness is a pedo. More in the mind of the objector than in reality.

    But if you don’t want to and he can’t get into it, literally and metaphorically, no need to stay together.

    There are plenty of men who want a natural woman who takes care of herself and enjoy you exactly as you want to be.

    Don’t waste time trying to educate men. The chances of them changing are less than 10%. Not worth the effort. You’re not his counselor or therapist.

  17. Your body, your health, your boundaries. There’s good reasons to not shave and just trim, so he’s being unfair by expressing his preference over your health and convenience.

    Frankly, he’s a kid, and he might take a long time to “grow out of it”. Some people never will, and that’s on them. Basically, be true to yourself, if he would rather not have sex and eventually break up, you are way better off without him. I think you’re very normal. It’s not like he’d shave his own body for you, right?

  18. I’m aware of my partners preferences. But what he would never do is dictate what I do…especially to this degree. Your boyfriend sounds really immature.

  19. Sounds like your bf has a porn problem. So guys just see that in porn and think that’s what it’s supposed to be. I’m a fan of a very natural look myself.

  20. Good lord, porn addiction is a bigger problem than I thought. “iTs A pReFeReNcE” (@ literally every comment on this post) thank you captain obvious, but people with basic critical thinking skills know that these types of “preferences” don’t exist in a vacuum. Men who are across the board grossed out by women having body hair give me the ick, that’s my “preference”. Personally I’d dump him yesterday but then again I’ve already paid my dues with substandard men, and now I’m “a 30-40 year old woman” not worried for one single moment about being bald for my partner. My advice is to ditch the fussy little boy and find someone who recognizes that having physical intimacy with an entire adult human female is a privilege. Can’t wait for these downvotes

  21. Sounds like he got stuck with 17 somehow.

    Pubic hair is absolutely normal and if you like it, then keep it – don’t forget that it is your body. Deal with the consequences accordingly. If pubic hair is enough to shake the foundation of your relationship, then you gotta take that sign to heart and maybe reconsider your present and future plans with him, cause shit like that usually only gets worse with time.

    A very important tip I can give you from loads of mistakes in my life is that you should not wait for people to change, not for long at least. Like if you just keep waiting in good hopes that a person might change/better themselves, then stop. Don’t. The risk of them just not doing so and making your life miserable in the long run is too big IMO.

    He is your first. It really is not as bad as you might think to be without him. Just in case it won’t get better with him ofc.

  22. I’m gay, but I think he’s being unreasonable and immature. I know it’s a preference thing for some people, but 1-2 weeks? People have body hair, that’s just how it is. Is HE bald? If he expects that level of care and maintenance of you, he should do it too and find out what a hassle it is.

  23. I’m not a guy, but a young woman with a proper bush. Some people are not bothered and some people are not really into it – which is fine, everyone has preferences. But if someone was completely turned off by it I would tell them we’re not compatible and we would go our separate ways, because I keep it how I feel comfortable and sexy and that is what’s most important to me.

  24. Yeah imagine when someones turn off is pubic hair which is natural. Imagine spending years with a partner who can’t have sex with you unless you’re always hairless. There are so many other people who don’t mind a lil cleaned up pubic hair so why bother spending time with someone for whom it is a total turnoff/obsession?

    We don’t have to look perfect 24/7. Not for ANYONE. At that point it’s not even about preference, he’s just forcing his perfect image on you. Does he pay you to looks perfect to look good all the time? Most probably not.

  25. Here I am M[18] and I do not like pubic hair to the point that it looks as a bush.
    But 1-2 weeks of not beimg shaven is good. I tend to trim my pubic hair once 3-4 weeks and I am fine with that in females too.

    I , a 18 yrs old boy, I find your boyfriend’s behavior childish.
    1-2 weeks should not be a turn off .

  26. Bush is beautiful. If he expects you to be cropped for sex night, It’s reasonable to expect him to be as well. And that goes for the back and crack. Give him a sense of what a pain in the ass a no-hair policy is.

  27. He needs therapy. Hair is natural and protective. He’s obviously consumed far too much pornography and now thinks women should make themselves child like. In fact explain to him that he gets turned on only by looking at genitals that have been made to look child like. What a grown woman looks like doesn’t turn him on. Ask him if he thinks he needs therapy, or help of any other kind

  28. I guess it depends on if it is him just being a jerk or if it is one of those unexplained things he find super gross. people find normal day things gross all the time, I had a friend that couldn’t handle seeing someone rub their hand along fabric.
    if he is uncontrollably turns of then you may need to have a serious chat to see if it us something he can work on. point out that later in life it isn’t something you will continue to do so he will have to find a way. exposure therapy etc.

    if he being a jerk then if he is willing to treat you like this now, how will he cope with issues in the future. doesn’t sound like someone that would be good at being a father and partner. put your future first.

Comments are closed.

Most Popular