Thursday, March 23, 2023
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Bf got groped at a party and I don’t know what to do

My boyfriend (M22) and I (F21) were at a party tonight organized by our school and many people go there to get wasted.
I don’t drink alcohol so I was fully sober while my boyfriend had drunk quite a lot (to the point where he had to puke).
To get back home, our school had rented a bus and while we were walking in the bus corridor to find a seat, my boyfriend got his crotch grabbed for a few seconds by a guy who was already sitting in the bus.
The guy was completely drunk and when we got to sit down my boyfriend, despite being drunk, told me a few times how he was very weirded out by what had just happened but since the guy was clearly drunk it wasn’t serious.
I memorized the guy’s name and it’s very likely that he’s also from our school but now I don’t know if I should bring up the topic tomorrow so my boyfriend realizes what happened or if I should try to forget about it unless he mentions it first.
Any advice welcome thanks

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  1. I’ve been groped before– by men and women– and it was no big deal. Generally, being groped garners a different reaction from men than from women. With the exception of the homophobic dudes, men just think it’s someone being overly friendly. We don’t think it’s a prelude to full-blown sexual assault, because that’s not our lived experience. Women live in a different reality.

    Of course, what is generally true for dudes may not be specifically true for your bf. Talk to him about it tomorrow, but be prepared for him to not really care. If that’s the case, don’t get worked up on his account.

  2. I would 100% leave this alone unless your boyfriend brings it up to you.

    Maybe you can casually mention how drunk everyone on the bus was. See if he brings up the guy.

    But best case scenario is that he doesn’t remember so that he doesn’t have to relive being groped. I don’t think it’s your place to try to make him remember or push the issue.

    Just be there for him to make sure he’s okay once he’s sober. And then let him lead the way.

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