So I (30f) have been dating my SO(31m) since June, official since Aug(so still new but pretty serious). Everything has been great, no issues at all. This week he worked 55 hours in 4 days and was exhausted so I went to his place to chill. He fell asleep and left his phone on the bed and around 11:00 pm it rang and it was a girls name on the caller id. It then rang again and then once more. So the same girl called 3 times in 5 minute span. I have not felt in any way that he has been cheating or anything but obviously this threw me for a loop so I quietly left and sent him a text once I got home to call me in the morning, that I had seen a girl called him and I was feeling unsettled about it. He then calls me approx 20 min later freaking out, saying that the girl who called was in his room, in his bed. He said they used to date, he saw her out last week and she has been blowing him up all week. He was crying and audibly shaken on the phone, saying he felt so violated/confused when he woke from a deep sleep and I was gone and she was in his bed. My suggestion was to call the cops since she was breaking and entering but he said no. I could barely get words out because I don’t know what to believe. Has he been sleeping with her?! Like it takes a lot of balls for a girl to just walk in someone’s house in the middle of the night. Am I supposed to believe him that he hasn’t been hooking up with her or is this clearly a situation where I’m actually being cheated on and he’s just trying to play dumb. Like what the actual fuck. I have been in a billion different situations but nothing like this. Thoughts? Help?
Bizarre situation
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In the minority here, but I don’t understand why he would tell you she was there if he was cheating or call you that night. He could have waited until morning and given a vague excuse (ie: butt dial, wrong number, spam calls).
I do know someone who had a casual FWB who walked into his apartment in the middle of the night (uninvited) through a side door and it freaked him out. He did not call the police either because while it was creepy, he didn’t feel threatened (and he felt calling the police would escalate). He asked her to leave and cut contact.
honestly ? she could be a serious stalker and had been watching his place , saw you left and tried the door and was able to get in. your text very well could’ve woken him up and he saw her. idk, crazy ass shit happens when stalking is involved.
I had a boyfriends ex pull this after she had seen us out together earlier that night. She kept calling so he blocked her. A little while later we thought we heard his roommates dog freaking out downstairs, but dismissed it. We were having sex and she walks into his upstairs bedroom, says “hi…” and sits down on the edge of the bed with us in it. We didnt know how long she had been in his house but were guessing it was since the dog had its freakout.
Did you leave his home unlocked when you left?
The replies to this post remindes me that there are many sheltered young people who has by great fortunes avoided many of the crazy people in the world..
OP is looking for any reason to prove his wrongdoings, when in reality it sounds like her bf got a case of bad ex.
Better leave him, even if it doesn’t seem like he has done any wrong, because you have serious trust issues and need to figure out those first, he deserves better.
Ask to see the calls he says he’s been dodging all week from her. Can’t really make that up and no one deletes their phone call history. So at least you could fact check part of his story
I find it hard to believe he’s cheating if he called you while she was there.
I have a friend who, a month after breaking up with his girlfriend, woke up to her standing at the foot of his bed at 3 am. She had somehow broke into his house. Freaked him the hell out. While I don’t think this kind of behavior is common, given that even I (who is somewhat anti-social) know someone this has happened to makes me think it isn’t exactly super rare either.
I think you should believe him.
I’d say this is surprisingly common. I was hanging with 2 roommates in our living room while our third roommate was asleep.
3 AM one of the sleeping guys old fwb’s walks in the front door and right up to his room. None of us really clocked it because we were partying all night, but 10 minutes later she comes running down the stairs and out the door.
He comes down and is freaked tf out because she just turned up when he broke off their fling. They hadn’t spoken in a couple months.
That is the most bizarre thing I have ever heard.
Honestly, the relationship is new enough that you can just walk away. Even if he was totally loyal, do you really want someone who has such weird ass drama in his life?
In this situations i always tell myself the same thing. Would you rather
1 belive him and be fooled by a cheater
2 he is a victim a you didn’t believe him
Personally I wouldn’t be able to sleep at night if 2. I would rather be fooled than to not believe someone who needs help.
I’m sorry but alternate take here. You walked out past the male roommate and 20 minutes later this girl has walked in and is in boyfriends room? This wasn’t a break in. Roommate didn’t raise an alarm? This isn’t the first time. Boyfriend panicked when this girl showed up for a booty call but looked at his phone and saw your text. People lie. He didn’t shut her down all week when she was blowing up his phone…. If that isn’t just part of the lie too. He won’t call the cops. He won’t do anything because this was accepted for her to do this. Maybe he has all the texts to prove my take is wrong. If he’s not coming to you to show them then you have your answer. Get him to show you the 30 second calls where she blew up his phone but he said leave me alone, I have a gf…. Instead of long conversations…
Sounds like he’s genuinely being stalked by a psycho. He wouldn’t have called you and told you about her being in his bed if he were cheating.
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It sounds like cheating. My question being how did she have access to his location?
Jodi Arias much??
I’m guessing CrazyEx still has a key. So he needs to rekey (through the landlord if a renter).
I believe you need to give him the benefit of the doubt this one time.
I would just walk away from the whole situation. Trying to figure out what’s going on isn’t worth the drama
Calling you and refusing to call the police seems super weird tbh.
So basically you have been dating two months and already you are sleeping with him? It takes sometimes two years to get to know someone. Women give of themselves so readily to a man. Of course it through you for a loop because you don’t know each other that well. He hasn’t been honest with you. He is playing games. This relationship shouldn’t be “serious” after two months. Enjoy being alone for a while. And slow down and get to know someone first.
Look, even if he isn’t sleeping around, he sounds kinda nuts. It’s so early, cut your losses and don’t get tangled up in his craziness.