Boyfriend [18M] (i have made a mistake in the age i am sorry.) constantly pushes me [19F] into ending my life
Hello. I’m writing this post because i feel helpless. I started dating my boyfriend 1,5 year ago. We are long distance, but we talked all the time. Everything was great. As the time goes on, he started calling me names and kept saying bad things about me, just like he really didn’t see any positive trait in me. This now turned into him making lists of my negativites. If i start to cry, he just mutes me and keeps on. He keeps saying I am the dumbest person he jas ever met, that my personality is disgusting, also often calls me a disgusting wh**e. He says that i have no talents, can’t make a joke, and that i am not attractive at all. He often tells me that he would end his life if he was me, because he would be ashamed to live as such a miserable, unworthy person. This always hits me hard. I have severe depression and I have been taking strong meds for few years. X I am always sorry to hear that he wasted a year with me. He says that I promised to change but I am still boring, disgusting, dumb. Although he keeps on insisting that, we talk daily for few hours. He messages me first and invites me to talk with him.
He said if i change, maybe he will think positively about me. But I have no idea what to change. How can i improve my negative traits? I have never met anyone who disliked me.
People tell me to break up, but he is the only reason I carry on with life. I can’t do that. I believe I can still make things better. He has a very unique personality and is very attractive. We match each other well. I think i can’t love anyone else more than him.
Please help me guys. How can i make myself more interesting, better, and improve my traits. I am too weak to do it alone, and he says i have to do it by myself. If someone can please talk with me and help me. Thank you.
View Reddit by xkvv0 – View Source
Listen, I understand what you’re going through, but no one can help you until you leave this relationship. And there’s no pressure; I need you to consider the following. OP, at this point, it’s not even a relationship anymore. Your bf treats you like you’re an enemy. This isn’t love. **This is toxic emotional abuse.**
The fact that he’s saying he wasted a year with you, but he’s still with you, is giving me the impression that he could be a narcissist as well. And what a narcissist does is put you on a high pedestal at the beginning of a relationship. It’s pretty captivating in the beginning, and then suddenly, they treat you like shit. **They feed off the power they have over you.** That’s the only reason they stick around. That’s when the breakup cycle begins, because they want to see if you can still “stand up and move on.” Usually, they always come back and try to ruin you again. Your vulnerability is what feeds his ego, and his ego is simply delusion. Even he believes there’s no one better than him. Moving on would hurt his Ego.
HOWEVER, his goal is different since he’s a psychopathic/ sociopathic/sadistic narcissist. Since he’s telling you to hurt yourself.
**Make no mistake, if you have dared to opposed the narcisisst, what they want is your destruction.**
*“Poisonous relationships can alter our perception. You can spend many years thinking you’re worthless… but you’re not worthless; you’re unappreciated. — Steve Maraboli*
I may not know much about depression, but I know that therapy and support from friends/family could help brighten things up for you. You have to want to leave this relationship. This part is crucial, and you need to understand what he’s doing wrong and gain strength from that. **Please don’t listen to the negative things he’s saying to you.** Again, he wants you to stay depressed because he likes control. He has a sick mindset, and only a heartless individual would tell another person to harm themselves.
It would be best if you carried on with your life for yourself. You’re a beautiful person, OP, and you need to understand that. Everyone has flaws, but no one deserves to get bullied and dehumanized for it. Nothing about his behavior is attractive, love. You need to get that image out of your head. This is trauma bonding.
I know you don’t want to leave, but that’s the best solution. It’s hard to face that, and I know you’re avoiding that because you don’t want to be alone. Or you think you won’t find anyone better than him, but OP, I promise you you’ll find much better. Once you get rid of this abusive boy and heal to become more vital than ever, you’ll find a mutually respectful and loving relationship. I promise you!
If you need someone to talk to, I’m here. If you need me to explain everything wrong here, then let me know. You don’t need to change yourself AT all. If you need me to explain why, don’t be afraid to ask.
You don’t deserve this. <3
Everyone in this comment section supports you, and we’re not here to judge you. I understand it’ll take time, so for now, evaluate everything and read those articles. And once you do that, create a safety plan for your emotional well-being.
“Overcoming abuse doesn’t just happen; it takes positive steps every day. Let today be the day you start to move forward.” — Assunta Harris
u/xkvv0
Sources:
https://www.healthline.com/health/signs-of-mental-abuse#humiliation-and-criticism
https://www.getlasting.com/long-distance-relationships
https://oureverydaylife.com/how-to-get-out-of-an-abusive-relationship-when-you-have-no-money-5311265.html
https://time.com/5274206/toxic-relationship-signs-help/
https://liveboldandbloom.com/08/emotional-abuse/healing-from-emotional-abuse
https://www.wklaw.com/is-it-a-crime-to-text-someone-to-commit-suicide/amp/
yeah…no….
Leave him
Block him
Continue with therapy
Read your post again and pretend it is your best friends relationship. Is this OK? Nope definitely not, I would ghost him he doesn’t even deserve a good bye.
Psychopaths are very attractive and handsome. Using the right persuasion, they can convince anyone to do whatever they want… Ted Bundy always lured his victims into his car with his charisma.
You’ve been brainwashed and abused.
Look up the story of Michelle Carter. She convinced her boyfriend to kill himself.
Talk to a psychologist/ psychiatrist without telling your “boyfriend” about it. Don’t become another sad article in the papers.
He is abusing you. He is gaslighting you and projecting his own insecurities in you. And he is doing this to avoid you to see he is a POS and you deserve waaaaay better. He knows he is causing a huge damage to your already fragile mental health on purpose to trap you.
It’s time to tell him that this disgusting, untalented and ugly wh*re is leaving his toxic ass. Then block him and enjoy the sudden peace and joy in your life.
Your boyfriend is straith up abusive and an idiot.
It is by no means normal or acceptable, to tell a loved one that they should end their life. For your sake girl, stop talking to this person ASAP. He is a psychopath !
Hey there,
I know you might feel like you deserve what you’re hearing, or that you might believe him as part of feeling depressed, but this is just him being abusive. If it wasn’t you, he would probably be this way with another girl.
As you said you haven’t met anyone who’s disliked you previously. Clearly that points to there being an issue with him.
The fact that he keeps talking to you constantly, why would he do that if you were truly boring? I’ve never met anyone who would want to spend hours of their day, spending their limited free time, doing something they find boring. Why would he not hang out with someone else then or do something he enjoys?
Proof that you’re not boring and that it’s some abusive type of thing, not that I think his opinion should be an indicator of your worth, because he sounds like toxic to be around and may be deliberately treating you this way because he knows you are depressed which some identify as easier to abuse.
Trust me, no good guy would suggest his girlfriend ends their life. Or insist she’s all of those negative things. That’s not love, that’s not romantic. please you need to get away from him. Don’t listen to him. Please ask your friends or family for their advice – i think they will be horrified to hear this.
Edit; The right guy will accept you and love you as you are
You can live without him. He is not oxygen or food and you were able to survive before you met him
It will be painful for a while, it’s really hard to leave someone you feel like you need and that you depend on but your future self will thank you
This is not normal, acceptable, and encouraging someone to unalive themselves is also a crime in many countries.
Good luck <3
edit 2: not sure why i got downvoted by someone… not trying to be rude or condescending in any way, im sorry if this came off wrong
You spelled “how can I get this abusive moron out of my life” wrong. I can’t believe that a partner would ever say such awful things about the person they love. It’s no wonder you feel awful about yourself! Listen, you really need to get this guy out of your life. I know it will be a hard transition, but it will legit be the best thing for you. Seek the comfort for literally anyone close to you.
The thing is, you can’t change him. You can legit only change the way you deal with him.
If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, please reach out. You can find help at a National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
USA: 18002738255
US Crisis textline: 741741 text HOME
United Kingdom: 116 123
Trans Lifeline (877-565-8860)
Others: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines
https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org
I don’t mean this in a rude way but you sound like you’ve been brainwashed by him and that’s a very dangerous thing. This guy charmed you and once you fall in love with him, he starts tearing your personality and self-esteem apart little by little on purpose. Right now you shouldn’t be thinking how you can make yourself better, you’re so blinded by him that you can’t even see who you really are anymore. Get away from this sociopath who might be trying to kill you ASAP, take a look at yourself once you’re free from his influences and maybe you’ll have a better understanding then
There was a girl that was jailed for talking her boyfriend into suicide. JAIL
DUMP HIM and block him. He’s mentally very sick and twisted.
None of what he says is true. He is mimicking that girl from the news. A copycat psycho
Honestly I know it feels like he is the only reason to live. But he has set it up like this.
This is classic abusers behavior. They break their victims down and ruin their sense of self so that they feel trapped with no where to turn except to the perpetrator. Do not let him win. The real benefit here is – its long distance so it should be pretty easy to make your escape (logistically) but psychologically it will still be hard.
You are so young. You have your whole life ahead of you and it will have MANY wonderful moments.
Get rid of this loser and put effort in to rebuild yourself. Honestly in 12 months time you will look back on this and think why the hell did I put up with that guy for so long.
You are worth it, this is your one life: make it count!
Who gives a damn about his attractiveness or his “unique” personality when he abuses you to the point that you don’t want to live? Pieces of shit like him are a dime a dozen.
Get as far away from him as possible so that you can start seeing things for what they really are.
He is an abuser, please op for the love of god leave him
You should change – your boyfriend, dump this abusive person and block him everywhere.
That is not your boyfriend. That’s some stranger that calls to torture you every day.
To what I read, what you want is to improve yourself, to make yourself more interesting. But you can do that without him tho? It’s like, you can still improve yourself either way, but with him around, you have this additional rude person who keeps telling you you’re not good enough, no? Then why don’t you just leave him so you can improve yourself, without a burden – him?
Leave him and use that time to invest in yourself girl. You know how our brains shoot out frequency to attract compatible partners right? I can see that you think highly of this guy. But if he dates you, his brain frequency is just the same as yours, meaning he is no better than you, meaning you can drop him in a heartbeat. Drop him, invest in yourself, increase your own brain frequency and you will meet people that you deserve and deserve you. I promise you.
NOTHING about what he says about you has anything to do with you; it has to do with HIM. He is a sadistic, manipulative, emotionally abusive person who will end up abusing ANYONE he dates. This is all a game to him and he knows exactly what he’s doing. He wants to keep your self esteem low and insecurities high in order to easily control you. He wants you to think you can’t do any better than him and that no one else could possibly love you. Everything he says to you is extremely calculated and purposeful, to keep you depressed, helpless to leave, and under his thumb.
There is no amount of “improving yourself” that will change how this person treats you, because his abusive ways have NOTHING to do with you or your “traits.” Google **“signs of emotional abuse;”** this guy is a textbook case and ticks every single box. There is nothing unique about his mistreatment of you as described in your post, he is just like every other abuser. Is he physically abusing you in person too?
Again, there’s absolutely nothing the victim of an abuser can do that will change their abuser’s behavior. Please PLEASE get away before he succeeds in further destroying your self esteem or killing you.
You need an immediate mental health intervention. Like check yourself in somewhere level of intervention. This is an extremely dangerous and abusive situation. Get help now.
Wow this is crazy.
Everything he’s telling you about yourself as what he feels about himself.
Block him and file a police report and end the relationship now!
First off, you’re not obligated to change or be anything for anyone else, ever. If you want to be something, be it, but do it because you want to. However, some of the most interesting people I know are interesting because they’ve overcome significant hardships, such as removing themselves from abusive relationships with partners who have been holding them back.
This man sounds horrible!
He is putting you down and ruining your self esteem so that you are too afraid to leave him. He wants you to think that you are worthless and that he is the ‘best’ you can do.
He wants you to constantly feel terrible and try to ‘fix’ yourself, so that you feel like you have to please him to keep him. However, nothing you do will ever be enough for him. No matter how many changes you make, he will find new ‘faults’ to point out and tell you to fix.
You are dating someone who want to upset you and hurt you.
You don’t need to change a damn thing. There is nothing wrong with you.
What you need to do is get the hell away from this horrible horrible man.
Do you know why you are so unhappy and feel like HE is the only reason you have to live? Because he has made you feel like that.
He has absolutely messed with your head and the way you see yourself.
You are worthy of love. You are interesting. You don’t need to change a damn thing about yourself.
You’re the only person that can end this relationship if he won’t. The things he is telling you are just WORDS. not the TRUTH. I promise you deserve better. Please see a therapist and thus way you can have some official help with dealing with any thoughts you have, as well as forgiving him for the things he is telling you, and that way you save yourself a very frustrating, stunting anger-phase a while from now. He sounds like an awful human being and he needs help too. I’ve never seen such an obvious sign to leave a relationship before
“I think I can’t love anyone else more than him”
You DON’T KNOW – you won’t know till you try/happens.
He is the only guy on this planet? Focus on yourself and get better, work on your emotional intelligence and move on.
Don’t waste your time thinking about someone who’s not on your side. You are the most important person when it comes to you.
At the end of the day, it’s you with yourself.
“YOU” COMES FIRST!!!!
As others have mentioned a girl went to jail for this exact thing. Knowing his behavior is basically illegal (her bf did commit suicide so not the same but could be) should be alarming. Run.
I hope you’ll listen to what I’m about to say.
Please leave him. I’m begging you do it. He’s the weight that pulls you down, he’s the reason your depression gets worse.
I know you’re not ready to see those awful red flags with this anti social human, but please reach out to a professional psychologist or even a close friend/family member.
He is abusive and manipulative and every second you’re staying with him will make it even harder for you to heal from this.
You might not see it but you are worthy! You are smart! And I’m sure you are beautiful! He brings you down so you won’t leave him, because deep down he knows he’s not worthy of YOU!
And for your suicide ideation:
1. You have to find a supportive community to share how you feel. Surround yourself with good friends and family- people that love you!
2. Workout- 30 minutes of aerobic activity will improve your mood gradually.
3. Seek professional help. Get a good therapist and maybe consider a psychiatrist for medication to get you stabilized.
Good luck girl! I believe in you!
This is a case that happened locally to me a few years ago.
[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Death_of_Conrad_Roy](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Death_of_Conrad_Roy)
Please do not end up like Conrad. Tell someone you love and are close to in life how hes treating you. I know you said he is the only reason you carry on but he’s trying to be the reason you are no longer around. Do you want someone to like that to be the reason you live? Feel free to message me whenever <3 You are better than he ever deserves.
Why are you with someone who doesn’t like you? Why is he with you if he doesn’t like you? If you change for him, are you even yourself anymore?
You deserve, and will find, someone who likes who you are right now without making changes. Once you are out of this relationship it will come into focus how terrible he is to you and how negatively he’s impacting your mental health. It will be like a weight off your shoulders. Like you’re set free. You’ll feel so much better.
You must know he doesn’t actually think the things he’s saying are true. If they were, he would dump you.
He’s abusing you. He’s abusing you because he enjoys being cruel, and he knows you will let him be cruel to you. This is because he has something wrong with him, not because there is anything wrong with you.
You need to find new reasons to live, because he is the thing that’s killing you. If you get rid of him, I promise you that your life will improve. Can you tell your parents or friends how he treats you and how you’re feeling?
Do you have access to therapy? That can help with self improvement – and a big part if self improvement will be realizing this guy is absolute garbage.
BREAK UP WITH HIM
This can’t be real.