Sunday, March 26, 2023
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boyfriend ditched me on my birthday

So this was a few weeks ago. long story short my boyfriend hyped up my birthday so i thought maybe he planned something for us to do. the day of we wake up and he tells me he’s going to hang out with his friends. i was very upset but tried not to show it. i dropped him off at his friends since he doesn’t drive and i spent the rest of the day alone since it was too late to make any plans with my friends and i was too embarrassed to anyways. i bought myself some cupcakes and basically just laid in bed crying until i fell asleep (i’m overdramatic but my feelings were hurt) he got home later that night and we didn’t talk until the morning. i was obviously very upset with what happened and he did end up apologizing.

my issue now is that he’s going to his friends birthday party this week. this is not something that would normally bother me at all but now it just makes me upset because it feels like he doesn’t value me or see me as someone important in his life. i’ll admit i’m probably just over reacting but it just hurts man.

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  1. You know that saying, we teach people how to treat us? You really need to start doing this. Not with this guy, who should become an ex because he simply doesn’t care about you or value you, but with the guys you’ll date in the future.

    Why on earth would you DRIVE him to his friend’s place? When you realized that he had no intention of celebrating your birthday with you, you should have called him out on it and then taken yourself out for a treat, let him figure out his transportation all on his own. And you should have been gone by the time he returned home. But by enabling bad behavior, you are doing yourself a huge disservice.

    You are not someone important in his life, and he has proven that. Now it’s up to you if you want to continue this situationship, or move on and give yourself the chance to meet someone who can treat you the way a partner deserves to be treated. I know you want this guy to be your person, but by looking at his actions, he is not it.

  2. Quite a few years ago my bf did this to me. I was home alone.

    A couple of days later one of the guys in that group asked me what I did for my birthday – since he was at the bar just hanging out with my bf that night doing naff all he assumed I had other plans.

    He was Floored when he heard that I didn’t have plans and my bf had ditched me to just hang out in a bar.

    I broke up with that bf.

    A few months later I started dating that friend.

    Years later, we are happily married and have a kid.


    “When someone shows you who they really are — believe them.”

    1. Effective immediately, never drive this man-child anywhere ever. Yeah, he may get mad. Who cares. You have plans called “I don’t want to.”

    2. If you are living with him find out what is involved in breaking the lease.

    3. Starting tomorrow be Busy. Don’t go home right after work. Call a friend to hang out. Go to a café. Go sit in the library. Pick up groceries just for you.

    -if you cook for him -just stop – “I’m sorry, I have a busy week or two coming up. I won’t be cooking for two. You’ll need to figure out your own meals. ” Don’t make stuff if you can avoid it. Only get foods you like. (By the way, my DH does 95% of the cooking. Don’t cook for bf anymore unless you 50/50 take turns.)

    -if you do laundry for both of you – “I’m sorry, I just don’t have time this week to deal with your laundry too. You’ll need to deal with it yourself.”

    -if he asks where you are: working late, meeting up with a friend, whatever bs. I felt like going for a walk.

    Stop being available for him.

    Pick another day to celebrate You in the next week.
    Make a list of all the things you would like to do on an ideal day.
    Have a morning hot chocolate in a cafe with a journal? Window shopping? Movie? Walk in the park. Hang with a friend or two?

    Then go do that plan. I always take my birthday off work and enjoy a Me day.

    I realized that it didn’t have to be done for me after my parents stopped celebrating me. I do it for myself.

    The great thing? Now my awesome husband does the same thing for his birthday.

    You will find happiness somewhere else.

  3. DUMP HIM, IMMEDIATELY!!!! He knew it was your birthday, had nothing planned, no card, nothing AND chose to spend the day with his friends. Find your self respect and get rid of this loser. He does not care about you. Not one bit.
    You do no matter to him. His apology is fake and a manipulation. It WON’T get better. You are not over reacting. Take back your power by getting rid of someone who thinks nothing of you. Also, you don’t think you are worth anything otherwise you would not take such shitty
    behaviour. Love yourself and dump the dead donkey.

  4. Why are you overreacting? It was your birthday, he didn’t do anything for you. That is so sad. Please leave him, it’s not about gifts, it’s about time and effort and you got nothing. You deserve better than that.

  5. there is nothing to come back from after this for me. my significant other choosing to spend my birthday with his friends instead of with me? no, sir. thank you for showing me the door. I’m out!

  6. This feels like he was playing a game. Why would he hype up your birthday, then do literally nothing?

    What was his actual apology? Did he have a card or gift? Did he mix up the day? What did he say when he apologized for doing NOTHING?

  7. You keep down playing your feelings and settling for less. Does your guy do anything for you? I usually celebrate my birthday month. Plan something with your friends. If all your boyfriend provides is penis then you should dump him.

  8. the worst part is that he fully knew it was your bday since you said he hyped it up before. he didn’t even forget, he consciously chose to ditch you and leave you alone on your birthday. and homeboy made you his CHAUFFEUR!!!

    your sadness is NOT an overreaction that’s cold. please love yourself enough to leave him.

  9. I’m confused, your boyfriend “hyped” up your birthday by saying what? Then on your birthday he says he wants to go hang out with his friends. You could have said, what? on my birthday? I thought we were going to do something.

    You need to let him know how you feel. It is important to discuss your feelings.

  10. My darling you are not over dramatic. I’d bet a dollar and a doughnut he’s pulled shit like this before and this was one time too many. You also didn’t tell your friends because you knew they’d pile on about what a jerk he is for ditching you on your birthday, and they’d be right.

  11. Oh girl. I don’t know how old you are but I’m going to guess in the 18-22 bracket?! If older – apologies. There’s a lot of strong dump him advice here (and you should take that advice!) but you need to know that you deserve better. I was where you are. Knew it was wrong but stuck it out and got my heart broken more and more until he eventually pulled the plug. He told me he just didn’t love me. Which yeah obviously. You deserve to be able to say to him that you were upset. And that no. That’s not ok. It’s harder than lots of people make out when you’re in it but lots of us have the benefit or ‘wisdom’ of living through it and kicking ourselves now we’re in our mid 30’s. Good luck. And trust your gut x be strong

  12. Give it a thought OP, is this something he does often? Does he say the two of you are gonna do x, y, z and then he doesn’t follow through? Or says he’s getting you a gift, or doing something for you like cooking dinner or something and then he doesn’t?

  13. You’re not overreacting. It was your birthday and it’s not like he forgot or anything(not that forgetting isn’t bad enough) but like knowing it was your birthday, he chose to spend the day with others. That to me is someone who is taking you for granted. You should talk to him about this.

  14. I am a tad “dramatic” sometimes but this was an asshole move from him and your feelings are 100% valid. What was his explanation to him hyping up your birthday and then “forgetting”? Is he prone to forgetting things like these?

  15. You are teaching him how to treat you.

    You were very upset by tried not to show it.- You told him yo don’t matter

    You dropped him off at his friends since he doesn’t drive. You told him you don’t matter and will prove it by accommodating his cruel behavior.

    This does NOT sound like an overly dramatic reaction. Perhaps you are dramatic, but hey, it was your birthday and you wanted to be special for a day. This seems appropriate to me.

    He did end up apologizing. Seriously? You gave him a pass on his bad behavior when he told you he was sorry.

    Now he’s going to hang with his friends on their birthday. Are you invited? Are you ever celebrated?

  16. You’re truly not overreacting, what he did was completely shitty. You’re feeling under valued and disrespected because you were disrespected and are under valued. Honestly, this would probably be a deal breaker for me, especially after the hyping it up.

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