Thursday, March 23, 2023
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Boyfriend flying out of state to visit another girl

My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years. He continually pushes boundaries but this time it’s really crossing one. He met a girl and her family on a cruise when he was 16, he is now 27 They have done a couple cruises together. We are from CA and she’s in FL. They have some pretty cutesy pictures together and his best friend has met her on a cruise as well. His best friend tells me she has always had a massive crush on my bf. My bf is going on a ‘friendly’ trip to visit her and her family and he said I couldn’t come along. I’ve met her once briefly when she came to visit him 6 months ago, she was quiet and not super friendly to me, despite my best efforts to be welcoming. They Snapchat everyday. He doesn’t allow me to see my guy friends in person without him so it makes me question his intentions here. He said it’s innocent.

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  1. What? He doesn’t allow you to see your male friends without him, but he makes trips to visit a woman who has a crush on him, and tells you that you are not allowed to come. Why on earth would you put up with any of this? You need to let him go, and I don’t mean on his trip. I mean let him go forever. You deserve someone who doesn’t control you, manipulate you, and disrespect you.

  2. ‘He continually pushes boundaries’ I mean that right there is reason enough to break up with someone, if they can’t do something as incredibly simple as respecting their partner’s boundaries

  3. Gosh, I don’t know if you should end this relationship bc he’s totally into another girl or because you “aren’t allowed” to see your guy friends alone. Pick one!

    Also, while he’s gone, go out with a different guy friend every night & post pics all over social media.

  4. Please Update us saying you dumped him. He should bring you along if he wants to go.

    While I think you should dump him, the petty side of me wants you to tell him that while he is gone you will be hanging out with all of your guy friends 24/7.

  5. “He said I couldn’t come along.” What is the reason he gave you for this ? If he truly had nothing to hide, he would be respectful rather than dismissive of your discomfort and ask what he can to do make you more comfortable with this genuine friendship.

    You mentioned he “continually pushes boundaries.” So this is not his first rodeo with this behavior. When he does that, he shows you what his priorities are- and it’s not the integrity of your relationship.

    You have every right to feel the way you do here. Your partner is putting another relationship ahead of yours.

  6. He has an inappropriate relationship with this woman and is clearly cheating on you with her. She was not friendly towards you because you are with her man. He doesn’t want you there with them because neither of them will be able to do what they normally do when they are with each other if you are. He is disrespectful, controlling and gaslights you in order to get his way. Dump him.

  7. I’m going to assume you’re around the same age if not around 21. Look. When someone makes a rule for you but not for them. It’s usually a red flag.

    Youre not allowed to hang out with guy friends without him yet he is allowed to go on a whole cruise/vacation with a girl who you know has had or has a crush on him.

    Imo. If I was you. I’d be seeing the writing on the wall. This relationship might not last long term. Especially since you described him as a person who continually pushes boundaries.

    Stop it. Get some self respect. Stop letting him cross these boundaries for free. Stop letting him make rules for you but not for him.

  8. >My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years. He continually pushes boundaries but this time it’s really crossing one.

    You spelled ex-boyfriend wrong. This guy is a manipulative shithead.

  9. Just let him go to the trip and once he is there do you and go out with friends including guys and post all that to show him that you are having fun and can live without him. When he call you tell him yeah I left a letter at your parents house that will explain everything and just leave the break up latter on his house and forget about him. Move on you deserve better you deserve someone who respect you and love you. He is definitely cheating on you but he doesn’t want you to do it to him. He want you there because you are available and closed to where he live but you are not his first option.

  10. Babe, he’s full of shit. If it was innocent then whats the problem with you tagging along? If the roles where reversed and you flew out of state to visit a guy “friend” I guarantee he wouldn’t like it and probably would force you to not go on the trip. This is a HUGE red flag. I would be like “well enjoy your trip, you won’t have a girlfriend when you get back” because yeah fuck that.

  11. You aren’t allowed to see your guy friends because he knows he’s not just friends with his girl friend.

    Ultimately, why do you want to be with someone who neither cares about you or respects you enough to respect boundaries?

  12. You’re being played and he WILL be fucking her if he hasn’t already… plain and simple. Anyone that says different Is just as ignorant as you. No offense, it’s just a fact given the history there and details you mentioned.

  13. Of course you can’t go. He’s going to have sex with her. Maybe that’s not the main reason he’s going but 100% he’s going to fuck that girl.

    You have to decide if you are going to accept this. And regardless of who you are, you’re worth more than this. You don’t have to be in a relationship with someone who’s not going to respect your boundaries with respect to other women and respecting your relationship but then have rigid boundaries themselves that you shouldn’t dare cross.
    In my experience, people who are like that are usually cheaters. They get suspicious or paranoid about what you might do with a little freedom because they know what they do with their freedom.
    Just go ahead and break it off girl. It will be better for you and he can go fuck off on whoever and hopefully catch VD.

  14. As someone who’s been cheated on before, having him say “you can’t come” pretty much confirms that it isn’t just innocent. I would never in a million years take a trip to visit a “friend” of the opposite sex (or one of the same sex, or any major trip really) and exclude my partner from that. If she is a big enough part of his life for him to fly cross country to see her, than surely she’s important enough to be around you as well? Or perhaps there’s some reason he doesn’t want that to happen. I’ve stood where you are before, and trust me, if you stay with this guy you will never feel like a priority or secure in your relationship again. I’m so sorry OP, I know you can do much better.

  15. Boy does this sound like me with my toxic ex. His “ex,” he knew for 10 years and dated off and on, was constantly around him and his friends and his family and told me I had nothing to worry about. Meanwhile I wasn’t allowed to see his friends or his family. I came to find out from one of his female friends that his ex is actually still his girlfriend and I was the other woman. I met his “ex” once when they were apparently broken up at his birthday party which he said he didn’t invite her, but the way she was dressed, I knew he lied. Which well, long story short, I confronted him and it took me time to finally leave but he’s not in my life now. If he’s going and you’re not “allowed” to come along, this gives me massive red flags. I had the same thing happen constantly with my ex, so much to the point I started to wonder if there was something wrong with me. There wasn’t, it was all him. You shouldn’t have to worry about who your boyfriend is with or be excluded when you’re supposed to be exclusive. If he genuinely cared about and respected your feelings he wouldn’t make you worry this way or hurt you emotionally like this. I would honestly tell him, that’s fine, when you get back though you won’t be allowed to see me ever again, we’re done. Give him an ultimatum basically. He doesn’t deserve to have you waiting for him while he goes off on a extended vacation with his “friend” and her family. That’s so messed up. You should be going with him if there was nothing to worry about.

  16. Whose your best guy friend? Let him know while he’s away you and the other guy will be taking that time to camp or visit Vegas idk whatever your into that’s what you and your guy friend/s are doing. No need for him to worry or go along your guy friends will keep you safe. Dump the jerk already.

  17. Not innocent. He’s playing the game of “keep extras on deck” in case it’s time to look for greener pastures. If he goes, he stays and doesn’t bother to come back, especially since he’s also a hypocrite. “He doesn’t allow me to see guy friends without him” smacks of unilateral control issues, too.

  18. Obviously, you are not comfortable with their relationship.

    But he doesn’t care and he gives you a double standard excuse to justify his controlling attitude.

    I’m going to be super rude here: But are you really this clueless? Are you deliberately putting your head in the sand? Your so-called bf does not respect you. He prioritizes this girl over you. And he is probably already cheating on you, that’s why he deflects so much.

    He is trying to see whether or not HE will like to live in FL, so that’s why you’re not coming, if this is a place where YOU and he will live together, OF COURSE you should be able to come with him. But this is not for you, it’s for his own future.

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