Thursday, March 23, 2023
HomeRelationship AdviceBoyfriend is making me choose between him or my dream.

Boyfriend is making me choose between him or my dream.

Hi guys. My boyfriend (25M) and I (24F) have been together for two years on and off. Just recently I decided to go after my dream career which requires me to move out of state. When I brought this up to him, I didn’t mention that I got an offer, I just asked him what his thoughts were on going long distance because I wanted to ease my way into this conversation. I was so shocked by his reaction. He said he doesn’t believe in long distance and it’s not going to work for him. I said, “what if I’m going after my dream job?”, he got even more upset and said I should either stay in our hometown and focus on our relationship or we are breaking up and never getting back together if I end up moving for a career. We were at a restaurant when this happened and he pulled out his phone in front of me and goes to my contact and BLOCKS ME. I’m like what was that for! He says “Didn’t you just say you are moving? If you are then that’s it it’s over”. I couldn’t believe my eyes. It broke my heart that the love of my life wasn’t supporting my dreams and didn’t care to listen and see where I was coming from. I don’t know what to do right now. I don’t want to be with someone that doesn’t support me, but at the same time I really love him and want to be with him.


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  1. Very easy in my opinion, go pursue your career.

    The way I see it this relationship (of course I am just basing myself on what you just wrote) is doomed.

    You will probably regret not pursuing your dream (when you break-up after, let’s say, a year or two).

  2. He’s not the love of your life. Your career won’t wake up and tell you it doesn’t love you anymore. All the best in pursuing your dreams, OP. Live your best life – without this dude in it.

  3. Blocking you like that was unnecessarily rude but he has no obligation to want or be willing to try a long distance relationship. There are perfectly valid reasons not to want that. As far as he’s concerned, you leaving the state is the same as leaving him. It’s not so much him asking you to choose between your dream and him, it’s that your dream just isn’t compatible with being with him. You have to choose.

    Personally, I’d go with the dream since it will affect the rest of your life and this is an on-off relationship you’ll probably look back on before very long as not very consequential.

  4. I’ll be honest I love my GF with all my heart but long distance is either make or break. I can’t deal with long distance. If she ever moved away permanently I would want to end it too. But I have always told her that if she gets her dream job in a different country then go for it and don’t let me stop her because I want her to be happy. Your boyfriend has gone about it in a really immature way and he’s been a dick, but I know how he feels.

    The person you are with doesn’t have to be the be all and end all, there will always be someone else. Life changes and circumstances change, don’t let someone stop you from following your dream. You may end up leaving him, moving away and living your absolute best life. You may end up staying with him, end up arguing in the future, you leave and then you may regret not pursuing your dream job.

    It’s a tough decision but I think I’ve given you enough to think about it.

  5. > It broke my heart that the love of my life wasn’t supporting my dreams and didn’t care to listen and see where I was coming from

    Please read and repeat that to yourself over and over, until you realize….if he was in fact the love of your life, he wouldn’t do any of those other things. Move, chase your dream job. You will eventually meet the REAL love of your life!

  6. He is rude about the way he responded. But you are not entitled to him wanting to go LDR with you. I would never do it for anyone. I would either move with them, if that was possible and they were worth it, or break up.

  7. Blocking you like that wasn’t necessary and childish.

    But, he is in his rights to not want a long distance relationship.

    If he doesn’t want a long distance relationship and you still want to live away you are telling him the relationship is over as much as he is telling you.

    He has told you the kind of relationship he is willing to have.

    You are deciding if that is the kind of relationship you are willing to stay in.

    His childish behavior aside, you are both making this decision to end it even if you don’t recognize that.

    He won’t be in a long distance relationship and you won’t stay. You have both made a decision and the end result of both of those decisions combined = the end of the relationship.

  8. How is him not wanting an LDR not supporting your dream? LDR isnt for everyone and thats fine—this is coming from someone that DID do it while I finished school.

    He was an ass about it but if he knows what he wants and you know what you want and they don’t coordinate then yes, its over. Everyone in the comments is confusing a lot of things. Not wanting an LDR ≠ unsupportive. He didnt say “fuck you don’t go stay for me” THAT would be unsupportive. He said pick a choice because you can’t have both—brutal but true, you can’t have both with him. He’s not interested in a LDR and thats his choice, its now time for you to make yours.

    Although I will say a restaurant was NOT the place to bring this up and you should have brought up this conversation when you had thoughts about it, not after you were already given an offer. He doesnt have to see where you are coming from when it comes to whether he wants to be with you? You can argue and say you arent seeing where hes coming from either. You both want different things. A relationship takes 2 to work and only 1 to break up.

  9. If you didn’t confide in him that you applied for, and later got, your out of state dream job; and your plan was to kinda work it into the conversation, I think you already knew where this was going. Nothing wrong with leaving! I would say though, you have already left the relationship at this point.

  10. Wait…he’s 25! This is the actions of 12 year old! My honest thoughts is that it’s over. In the grand scheme of things your dreams will matter more for your life than an entitled man child that can’t even see past his home town.

    Go and find your happiness and maybe find someone that will support you and what you want in life instead of having a meltdown at the very thought that you may try to improve yourself.

  11. If he can so easily block you like that then you know the answer. Not many can do the ldr. But you have to do what’s right for you. You do you – he does him. Without any remorse he’s able to just move on it seems so I think there’s your answer.

  12. He was rude, there was no necessity to act like he did. But, we can say he got emotional at that point.

    He doesn’t want a long distance relationship. He has his point, it wouldn’t work for him or you. Which would mean, there is no point in keeping the relationship.

    When you approached him and said you were moving, he must have though that was your way of saying “we’re breaking up”. So he already started accepting it at that point. In the end, you either go alone and chase your dream, or let your dream go away for now and be with him. You can’t have both, you knew it from the start. That would be selfish of you. So just take your time to gather your thoughts and make the decision

  13. I don’t disagree with your boyfriend & I don’t even think he was being rude. I wouldn’t do a long distance relationship at all. Some people will some people won’t. I just wouldn’t be okay with seeing someone so rarely if we were dating.

    It sounds like he knew you were trying to ease into telling him you were going to move. I say that because he literally said “didn’t you just say you are moving?” Like he knew you already made your decision & the fact that you have been applying to places out of state before talking to him makes me think you did make your decision already.

    You two are just incompatible. He wants to live and date in his hometown where as you want to move out of state for a career you really want. If the career is more important then go with that, if your relationship is go with that.

    It kind of sounds like he already made the decision to break up and move on since he blocked you right in front of him when he heard you were going to move though.


    I need you to understand for a moment that so few people get the chance to do the things they dream about. Love will come after him. He is not the greatest love you will experience. This is not the love story you deserve. This is the break up story he deserves.

  15. It’s been off and on, right? That reaction was awful but maybe it’s the sign you need to chase your dreams. Your dreams and future success matter, too.

  16. Long distance pretty much never works. I think it’s pretty wild you wanted to keep him while moving a long distance away- most people understand at your age that’s kind of a pipe dream.

  17. Having the opportunity to follow your dream career is rare, boyfriends on the otherhand….

    You’ll regret not taking this opportunity, you can always find a new partner. Hopefully someone who can be supportive next time.

  18. I made the wrong choice once when I was younger and chose to stay around home to be with my gf at the time. We broke up about 3 months later.

    A few years later I had another opportunity and I took it. 6 year relationship at the time she wanted to stay at our dead end jobs in not a great area
    So we broke up and I moved.

    I’ve since moved onto another great job, met my wife, have 2 awesome kids, bought a house with 30 acres of property.
    Ex still live with her mom.

  19. Choose your dreams.

    Look, it’s fair for him to have the boundary that he won’t do long-distance, but it’s unfair and incredibly childish of him to respond to your even bringing the subject up by blocking you that way and demanding you stay put. A reasonable man would talk it out calmly, not resort to petty theatrics.

    You’re already in an on and off relationship with him, so it’s not like things have been stable and committed all this time. To me, that suggests that the relationship isn’t likely to have much longevity anyway.

    If you follow your dream job instead, you have a chance to set yourself up with a good career and income. And you also have the chance to see new things, have new experiences. If you go somewhere new, you can grow and change, and find out what sort of person you might become after seeing more than your hometown.

    Choose yourself. You can do this.

  20. Chase your dream, no doubt about that. I already am annoyed reading about your immature bf’s Shenanigans.

    This is not gonna get better, one day you’ll want to leave him and wish you didn’t sacrifice your career for this child-man.

  21. So I’m studying teaching.
    For the trainee part of that, I’ll have to move away. My boyfriend, who has his own flat, his entire circle of friends and family here, gave me some priorities of locations and said he’s coming with me, when I go.

    Now, not everyone has to be that forthcoming. But (!) your boyfriend should not want to be the thing that keeps you from your dreams.

    You not fulfilling your life goals, only because of him, should make him sad and he should be looking for compromises

  22. Be does not love you. He is trying to control you by forcing your hand to stay. He is scared that you will become successful. If he loved you he would support you, go with you infact. But he wont. He is comfortable there. I just know if you dont go and try your very best, you will regreat it and blaim yourself. Go. Live your dream!

  23. Girl something similar just happened to me. He basically said stay here with him or it is over. I really wanted him to support me in moving and at least consider going long distance—or even moving with me. For some legit reasons he couldn’t go. So we broke up. It sticks because I still want to talk to him but he is very upset and hurt right now.
    I know in my heart that me moving—to a great area and making more money and getting a better job—is what I want to do and need to do.
    Sounds like that is where you are. And as many are probably pointing out you are young and have plenty of time to meet someone new.

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