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boyfriend is saying if I never want to have a three way, we should break up

Hi guys, recently my boyfriend expressed to me that one day he really wants to do a three way. I said in the past I’m not interested. Over time, I became open to the idea of it but I didn’t say anything to him. Whats bothering me is that he said if I never want to do it we should break up. Though I’m not totally opposed, him saying that makes me feel really shitty. I understand people have their preferences and needs in a relationship but we’ve been together for over a year and I feel this was just dropped on me. Do you guys think this is unfair? I’m really hurt by this and how quick he is to end the relationship over it.

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  1. Honestly I’d let him go. If he’s okay with bullying you into doing something you don’t want to do with your body then he’s not a good person at all. Find yourself a man that will respect you and is compatible with your sexual needs.

  2. LOL reality is going to hit this boy HARD. I’m not saying he’s a bad person for wanting a threesome, I’m saying he’s an idiot for not recognizing that the majority of people are not going to be cool with threesomes. Porn is not real life. Oh, and just dump him.

  3. Okay, most people have their “ultimate fantasy,” and that’s perfectly healthy/normal. But most people never get to fulfill that fantasy, also normal. Asking you for it? Okay, that’s fine.

    But let’s focus on the real problem. This man is literally telling you that his fantasy is more important to him than your relationship. It’s time to breakup and move on to someone who isn’t a selfish, manipulative scumbag.

  4. It’s fine to have fantasies and wanting to act out upon them, but not pressure someone into it.

    It’s NOT fair of him putting it out like a threat or an ultimatum, like this will be the hill he dies on (or the hill your relationship either grow or die).

    If you’re not comfortable, don’t do it.
    If he is gonna be mad about it, nag you on it, try with guilt trip, you know you can’t be with him. If this is how he acts, you will never be respected and appreciated by him.

  5. No it’s definitely not fair. Do NOT do it if you’re not comfortable with it just to keep someone like that. You don’t say things that to someone you care about. Do yourself a favor and leave the relationship.

  6. Tell him since he keeps pushing you to do something you don’t want to do, you’re ending the relationship now. Don’t tolerate that nonsense. He’s trying to control you.

  7. Threesomes are fun, but if you want to have one, have it with a man who deserves it. This guy is putting ego above you. He wants an experience so bad that he doesn’t care about your feelings. You deserve someone who wants you and if they want a threesome it’s because you will be a part of it.

    I’ve had 2 with my girl and the fun is experiencing it with her, not just the experience in and of itself. I

    Dump this selfish jerk.

  8. Frankly, he’s trying to blackmail you into doing it, and I’d question your second thoughts on the matter. Is it because you are actually intrigued by the idea, now, or he’s been pestering you so much that you’re resolve is wearing down?

    Regardless, he’s jumped both feet first into ‘toxic’ with the blackmail.

  9. I would leave. I would caution against suggesting two men. When it came up when my partner and I discussed it, he’s fine with MFF or MMF. But ignoring the fact that he’s pressuring and manipulating you into something you don’t want (which is a big ask because you absolutely should NOT ignore this), he’s stating that this is his dealbreaker. Okay great, he can go find someone who’s interested in fulfilling the fantasy then. You’re not wrong for not wanting a threesome and you can absolutely find men who don’t want one. You can also find men who won’t pressure you into anything you’re not comfortable with.

  10. If this isn’t the straw that breaks the camels back something else might. I think the best thing you can do is talk to him and tell him how this makes you feel. If he doesn’t understand then I think you know your answer. You shouldn’t force yourself to be with someone that won’t respect your boundaries, there are plenty of people out there who will. 🙂

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  12. I dated a dude like this. This was his dealbreaker in all relationships. He was 36.

    I was open to it, but the problem was that he wanted ME to orchestrate it. He never wanted to discuss boundaries or have open communication about the sex. Also, never expressed WHY he had this fantasy. Didn’t even mention a porn he saw that tickled his fancy. He just demanded a threesome and all the responsibility was on me. I felt like a madame. It was creepy and not a fun endeavor we were going to do as a couple.

    If you run into a guy who gives a threesome ultimatum—RUN. He views women as sex objects for his own pleasure.

  13. oh damn where to start with this one he is an absolute idiot I honestly can’t wait for reality to hit him in the face like a sledgehammer I will say this once as a man DONT DO ANYTHING You are uncomfortable with that so called boyfriend is nothing more than a little boy who wants to get his way it might hurt now if you are I love and have feeling for him but end the relationship find someone who is happy with just you

  14. While it’s insensitive on his part I think he’s doing you a favor. Would you rather know this about him now or after after you have wasted more years on him?

  15. He just gave you an ultimatum. A test to prove yourself to him in a way. First off he sounds like a dick and second do not do things to solely appease other people. It’s one thing to do something for your partner because it makes them happy and return you find happiness in that. There’s another to do something and feel resentment afterwards. Know the difference.


  16. Honestly, if he’s already pulling ultimatum crap and a threeway is more important than his relationship with you he’s not worth it. Probably best to cut your losses and find a partner who respects you for you and loves you rather than a creeper like this guy who seems to only care about your body. Please don’t sell yourself short and settle for less than you deserve. There are so many other guys out there in the world who could treat you much better.

  17. Imagine for a second that you agree to have a threesome with him eventually. What happens if you hate it and he loves it, then demands more of them or he’ll divorce you. What happens when you disagree on a major life decision and he threatens to leave over that.

    I think you would be more than justified to break up with him. Not because of the threesome (although that’s a justifiable dealbreaker for some people), but because he’s telling you that he cares more about his personal wants than your relationship.

  18. Alright, you do not have a relationship going here. You have a romance. Not sure how old you are, but you seem pretty young.
    Let him go and let him experience all the sexual experiences he wants (it sounds like you don’t have much choice there also)
    Then experience as much as you want to. Not just sex. Life, travel, study etc.
    You will find someone later and you will have a relationship and none of you will be interested in threesomes, I promise.

  19. I do not react well with ultimatums. I don’t know about you, however. If you’re fine with setting this precedent of “If you don’t do _________, then we should break up,” go ahead and stay in this relationship.

  20. As a couple in the swinger lifestyle… run, you don’t deserve a man that places a hard ultimatum on something that can easily ruin a relationship and cause major trauma or buyers remorse. Just cut your losses. And that’s not usually the advice I would give

  21. Your boyfriend thinks with his weiner and doesn’t understand consent and boundaries. Your relationship should mean more to him than the experiments you can do together in bed. Dump his ass.

  22. I’ve done threeways in relationships, I hope to do them again—I’m into it.

    Regardless, I’m really not into the idea that your boyfriend is less invested in a future with you than fulfilling some sort of sexual bucket-list. This isn’t true sexual incompatibility like he is happy in polyamory and you aren’t, it’s just immaturity on his part. And it shows he doesn’t really care about your relationship or you very much.

  23. Say you’re open to it if you then get to have a threeway with him and another dude. His reaction will be everything you need to know on whether your relationship will last or die.

  24. So, let’s break this one down.

    Having sex with another woman is more important than continuing this relationship to him. Oh, I mean, yeah – you get to be there, too. And THEN you get to KEEP him! Lucky, you! What a consolation prize!

    But your relationship with HIM means less to him than him being able to have sex with another woman. No talk about what would happen should she get pregnant, or you both catch an STD/STI. Or crabs.

    Am I presuming and you have discussed all these possibilities?

    Nope. He NEEDS to have this threesome or he’s gonna break up with you.

    Let that sink in a few minutes.

    Then dump his ass.

  25. You need to leave him. He wants to cheat and be the big bad dude with multiple girlfriends, but doesn’t want the guilt that comes with it. Leave him quickly and find a partner who will treat you with the love and respect you deserve. Wish you the best!

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