Edit: typos
BF and I are LDR. We both have very high sex drives and when we first started dating, we would sext/have phone sex every single day. He chose it over food, sleep, hanging out with his friends, literally everything. We could go entire weekends on the phone and still not be sick of each other.
I know the honeymoon phase doesn’t last forever, and I didn’t expect us to be like that forever, but 99% of the time, BF would initiate any sexual stuff and it was always consistent, he would beg me to make time because he needed me, and it never dwindled for a long time. Our relationship went through a lot of nasty shit, and of course we stopped doing stuff. Because we weren’t giving into our libidos, we just got angrier at each other and it became a vicious cycle.
The past few weeks, things have been improving monumentally. It’s been difficult to do anything, though, because we always end up interrupted so we have to wait until late at night/early in the morning and usually that means alone. BF decided to tell me earlier this weeks that he doesn’t jerk off alone anymore because it’s not as fun alone and it’s not the same anymore. I was kind of offended, I want him to have the hots for me so bad he has to rub one out over me when he’s alone, and it did make me feel a little insecure and not good enough for him.
Anyway, on Wednesday, we didn’t get to spend much of the day together. I tried to initiate some sexual stuff, but he shot me down and said he wanted to, but couldn’t, he said he’d help me get off if I wanted to but he was constantly being interrupted and didn’t want to risk being caught. I said no, I wanted to wait for him and he said “don’t worry, you just wait until tomorrow”.
Yesterday came, he got up early like he promised spent to the whole day with me. He kept getting interrupted so we couldn’t do any stuff and he didn’t even try to initiate anything and played off when I did, so I stayed up later than usual so we had that alone time. It hit 2am and I needed to go, but I hesitated to leave and hoped he would say something but he didn’t I said “I’m not even tired I guess I’ll have to find a way to make myself tired” and he didn’t say anything. I came offline but ended up messaging him 10 minutes later cause I really wanted to do stuff. He didn’t reply for over an hour until I got back online and he saw me.
I told him what I wanted, and I was getting upset because he had ignored his phone for over an hour cause he was gaming with his friends but when he games with me he’ll still text his friends back and it sucked. While I’m telling him what I want, he starts a livestream and his friends start joining him and I get even more pissed off because he promised we would do stuff and I knew that he could at that time he could but was picking to game.
He told me he was gaming now, he forgot he promised we would do stuff, that his friends needed him and that I should just go to bed and that he loved me. Of course, I got more upset because it’s not often that I initiate any sexual stuff and being rejected for a fucking video game sucked. I told him this paired with the fact he won’t jerk off alone to me makes me feel like he isn’t attracted to me, I’m not desired, I’m not good enough for him anymore and in the back of my mind I’m now worried he’s cheating or something because he’s never turned me down before.
He streamed for 2 hours, the entire time I watched as friends came in and out and I kept messaging him asking him when he was alone why couldn’t he just leave because it was just me watching the stream and he had been getting upset recently saying that it was hard for us to find intimate time alone, so I made it and now he was picking his games over me.
He ended up turning the stream off and got mad telling me I got what I wanted so just go to bed already, thanks for making him feel shitty. I told him he was the one who made me feel shitty and that I was probably never going to initiate sex stuff again and he said “good”. I continued to get upset, trying to explain how undesired he had made me feel and he snapped, and told me to shut the fuck up, all of this was bullshit, said I should have said something sooner and I had ruined his whole day with a bad attitude (I got upset earlier in the day for like an hour because he messaged his friends while we were online together but won’t message me when he’s online with his friends) so why would he want to fuck me.
I’m devastated. I feel so god damned disgusting, pathetic, all of the horrible feelings that come with rejection. This is my first sexual relationship, so I don’t know why he suddenly has stopped wanting to be sexual with me. He did tell me earlier in the week he was gonna go chill out at his own place (he’s staying with his dad at the moment cause his house is going through renovations) and heavily insinuated it was to call me and do sex shit, but then he ended up gaming all night and sleeping all day so obviously we didn’t do that. I don’t know what I’ve done to make him not want to do stuff anymore but last night completely changed my view on him, killed my sex drive and I don’t know what to do.
TL/DR: BF planned some sex stuff with us since we’ve been finding it difficult to find the time, I ended up having to initiate and got shot down because he chose his games over me, I got upset and he told me to shut the fuck up when I tried to tell him how it made me feel and I don’t know where to go from here.
Girlfriends VS Video Games
“My boyfriend is happy doing things without me!?!??!?!”
The honeymoon phase is probably over. I think he’s grown bored of phone sex, OR potentially, he wasnt really doing it for himseld. Doesn’t mean I think he’s cheating or anything.
” I only jerk off thinking of you” is an outright lie. I think most men, if they’ve admitted to their partner they jerk off, have used this line. Makes our woman feel wanted, special, etc. Seems to have had an opposite effect on you.
He’s probably feeling a little smothered. If you’re pestering him all the time to do something he’s not feeling, eventually there’s going to be backlash. It’s not normal to spend all day, every day, with 1 person. Obviously he has friends and wants to game with them. Do you actually give him time to do that?
TLDR: I hypothesize the following: He’s given you a ton of time lately, it’s interrupted his hobbies, and he wants to find a balance between you and the things he likes. Tbh I think you should just get off without him, and wait for him to initiate again. You’ve been attractive enough to get him off, reel him in initially. You’re still that hot, sexy person, etc.
Honestly chick your sounding quite immature here, particularly the part where you said I usually don’t initiate sex so it was extra hard for me to face rejection, shows that you expect to be on a pedestal. I agree your boyfriend appears to be ignoring you and choosing games over time/sex with you, but perhaps you guys need some space. Find your own hobby, spend time elsewhere and who knows maybe he’ll realise what he’s missing.