Saturday, May 27, 2023
HomeRelationship AdviceEx refuses to let me get an abortion and I just can’t...

Ex refuses to let me get an abortion and I just can’t have this baby

Throwaway account because people I know follow me on my main account.

I 20f am about 10 weeks pregnant with my ex’s 20m baby. For context, we dated for a year and broke up in august. It was long distance but he ended up moving back to my town in September, and we hung out a bit.

We started hooking up and it was made clear that we were not together. He still acted as if we were, doing all of the things we used to do, tell me he loved me, etc. I told him not to do that if we were only fwb. He told me he didn’t think of me that way and it wasn’t like that at all. Always insinuating that he had feelings for me and even told me that once.

About a week before I found out I was pregnant, I began to feel a bit nauseous all day long, but it was subtle enough that I could still function throughout the day. I told him this and expressed my worry of being a single mom, as I still live with my parents and I don’t make enough to move out and raise a baby. He told me he wouldn’t leave me alone and would be there for me.

A week later I took two tests that came out positive and I told him. From here on, he starts to tell me it’ll be okay and we can get a place together. I’m still worried but feel a little better knowing he wants to do this with me. Or so I thought.

He then starts to act incredibly distant and stops calling me everyday, doesn’t really want to see me anymore. I figure it’s just him trying to cope with the news. He told me that’s all it was. I feel a little relieved and we end up doing things like normal.

I guess he changed his mind later on and told me he didn’t want to move in with me anymore and would rather he get the baby full time and I can visit. I’m obviously not okay with this because it makes me feel like I’m being pushed to the side. I’m devastated and I have to come up with a way to be able to get my own place, a new job that’s more steady, all before I get kicked out and forced on the streets. He also made it clear I’m pretty much on my own.

At this point I want an abortion but he told me he was very against that. I did take a morning after pill every time and was gonna start birth control but it was too late. I want to buy pills online but I also feel guilty doing it behind his back. I can’t do this alone and I might just cave to what he wanted. I just didn’t want to be all alone. Any advice is helpful.

TLDR; got pregnant by my ex but I can’t afford raising the baby alone. Doesn’t want me to abort.

View Reddit by Interesting-Bee9578View Source



  1. Why the hell do you care about his opinion?! You don’t need his permission. Block him from your phone and your life and get an abortion. Stop talking to this trash.

  2. This is a young age to be dealing with such stressful and major life events. And being pregnant on top of all of this, I so feel for you. What an emotional rollercoaster.

    Breaking it down… The father already made it clear coparenting isn’t an option and that he doesn’t want to be with you. Okay, he has that right to make those decisions for himself. He does not get the right over if you go through 40 weeks of pregnancy (in which you will develop a bond with this child you just created) to just give the baby up no strings attached? This is not reasonable. And it isn’t fair to you. On any level.

    If you decide the abortion is what you want, keep in mind that you are looking out for yourself. This decision does not make you a monster. It does not mean you didn’t care.

    I would suggest cutting contact with the father. Take the weekend to process this, go on walks, try and relax and really spend sometime with yourself, and then whatever you decide will be best for YOU, go for it wholeheartedly. Sending my thoughts and prayers to you (for real, hope you feel supported even for random strangers). Good luck girl ❤

  3. He does not get to tell you that you can’t get an abortion. You’re an adult – go make an appointment without telling him & get it done. Cut all contact with him forever. He’s trying to use you as a human incubator. “You can’t get an abortion – grow it for me for 9 months, push it out & hand it over and you can visit!” Is his mindset and that’s AWFULLY disgusting.

  4. You are not even in a relationship with this guy. You are hooking up. It doesn’t matter what the hell he wants. You are both 20 years old, immature, and he is an asshole.

    Just do what you want and stop seeing him.

    If you are worried he’ll go full crazy, tell him you had a miscarriage.

    If you keep waiting, you’ll be outside of the window to get an abortion. You are already 10 weeks!

  5. This is going to sound cold and I’ll probably get downvoted to death, but it’s the truth.

    If you cant make decisions together now, question why you could coparent afterwards. The kid could grow up seeing you two not getting along and possibly pitting one against the other. You might even have a feeling of resentment for the child if you keep it, considering you feel like you’re being forced. This would stop you from giving the kid all of the love it deserves. I could say a bunch of other reasons why it’s not a good idea but ultimately it is your decision. Keep in mind that the little blip on an ultrasound turns into a toddler, teenager and then an adult. You’ll also never be able to get away from this guy as you have a permanent tether.

  6. If you want an abortion, get one. You dont need his permission. Afterwards, tell him you’re not pregnant anymore (you dont need to offer an explanation as to why that is) and then cease contact. Regardless of what he says, he’s almost definitely not going to be a stable, supportive partner, or even just co-parent. Assume the worst and put yourself first.

  7. Buy the pill/ make appointment/ see doctor – do whatever abortion arrangements you need to make RIGHT NOW. Don’t even waste a single moment.

    If you need support from a friend or family member then I suggest you find someone trustworthy and ask then for help.

    If you think getting abortion alone is going to be hard, imagine how much harder it is goinf to be being a single mom. Because that’s where you’re headed.

    The way he changed his mind about moving in, he’ll change his mind about raising the baby. Only this time it will be too late and the baby will be here.

    I repeat –
    #Get an abortion asap

  8. Ultimately, it’s not his decision. You had a discussion and he didn’t follow through his end of the deal. You don’t have to go behind his back. Just tell him you’re having an abortion and go ahead.

  9. This isn’t about him. You need to do what is right for YOU. Nobody else.

    If you can’t go through with a pregnancy, he can’t force you, and even if he is promising to take care of you, he cannot decide what you choose.

    If you simplify this situation, you and your ex were not trying for a baby, but you got pregnant either way. He tried to make you keep it, before leaving you alone and practically ghosting you. You don’t want to keep the baby, but might not get an abortion because your ex, the guy that tried to force you to keep the child, and has since ghosted you, wouldn’t like it.

    You and him aren’t even a couple. You need to decide without him.

  10. He’s not the one that potentially has to carry this baby for 9 months, you don’t need his permission. Do you really want to raise a child with this asshole for 18+ years? If you want an abortion then schedule one now before it’s too late!!!!

  11. I am sorry you’re in this dreadful situation.
    You don’t need his permission in most places and you absolutely shouldn’t have a baby if you don’t want to be a mother. Please, please consult your nearest reproduce health clinic (Planned Parenthood or whatever is in your area) about your options because time is running out quickly for you to make a decision.

  12. I am telling you: if you want the abortion, just do it. Do it behind his back and do not feel bad. He has proven he can’t be consistent with you, what makes you think he’ll be consistent with a child?

  13. Who the fuck cares about what your shitty asshole ex wants?? You don’t want this baby, you don’t want to raise it on your own, you can’t afford it… Get the abortion and block this absolute piece of shit ex of yours

    Also, plan b is not birth control. It’s emergency contraception. If you’re not on BC DO NOT have unprotected sex!! If a guy gives you ANY resistance about using a condom DUMP HIM IMMEDIATELY AND DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH HIM.

    I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I’m so sorry that your ex is a piece of shit. You need to cut ties with him and make the best decisions for YOUR life.

  14. This is ridiculous. I’m usually the guy who who tries to see it from the other person’s perspective, but he is a person who would not make a good father at all. This is number 1.

    1st: If you decide to have the kid, under ABSOLUTELY NO CIRCUMSTANCES do you let him have custody. God I can’t believe this. Don’t even give HIM visitation rights holy shit.

    2nd. Don’t take pills from online.

    3rd. You don’t seem like you’re in the right place to have a kid. Get a legitimate abortion. Imagine trying to date and find a good guy when you have a child you have to care for… sorry just being honest, it limits the number of guys who are going to be willing to date you by a lot. Imagine trying to take care of the child without your parents help? (I dont actually believe they would kick you out, you might be putting a lot of pressure on yourself here and talking to your parents about this could be what you need to do) If it’s your choice, it’s one thing, but being pressured into feeling like you have to is totally different.

    Look my ex and I went through something similar except we were very healthy together and had a good relationship. We decided to abort because we just weren’t ready. 2 years later we had a terrible breakup. All I can say is you are already on terrible ground and a baby WILL NOT fix things.

  15. He may have a lot of opinions and a lot to say but your due diligence to him is paid you told him you got pregnant and how you felt, you set your boundaries he doesn’t get a say in your life and your body you’ve been clear since the beginning. You can absolutely take the step without his approval don’t let this man control your life.

  16. Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.]( We’d like to take this time to remind users that:

    * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](

    * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned.

    * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. (Includes, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, FDS, MGTOW, etc.) Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**

    * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don’t get a free pass.

    * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, “body counts” or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, or situations involving minors and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**

    If you have any questions, please send us a modmail.


    #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.

    *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*

  17. So if you are okay with an abortion then you should get one.

    This man has demonstrated he is not reliable in any way. He has changed his mind too many times already and you can’t in any way rely on him to help you emotionally or financially. So take him out of the equation fully. You are all alone at the moment, so you need to act and plan accordingly.

    Now, you have a few choices as a single woman having a child. You can absolutely have an abortion and have every right- morally and legally- to do so. You do not have to incubate a child for someone else, even if they would take full custody.

    Next, do not have this child to salvage the relationship. This man will not stick around, and is likely to leave you to raise this child alone. So if you are going to have this child, you have to be prepared to fully raise it alone, or to terminate your rights either to him or for an adoption.

    Those are your choices, but you need to make them fully independent of him.

  18. It isn’t up to him to ‘let you’ get an abortion. It’s your decision.

    Fact is, he has already backtracked once. You can’t trust him to be telling you the truth about what he wants now.

    He went from ‘we will get a place together’ to ‘nah, I’ll just take the baby and you can visit’ what is it going to be next?

    You have to make the choice that is right for you.

  19. ‘At this point I want an abortion but he told me he was very against that’ given he is refusing to be a parent then his view here should be of little interest to you and should have no bearing on how you live your life.

  20. You don’t need your exes permission to get an abortion. So stop asking for it. If you need one, make an appontment and go get one. This man being tied to you through a child sounds like a problem.

    You have options and do not need his permission or consent to terminate your pregnancy. You can also use the safe haven laws for up to 30 days after the baby is born and hand her to any fire station and hospital and they will put the child into the system and adopt it out.

    You don’t have to keep a baby you don’t want. If you need an abortion get one. You’re an adult. Permission isn’t required.

Comments are closed.

Most Popular