I found out that my(30F) fiancé (33M) has a fake instagram account that has no followers or followings but only a saved post of a naked insta model. It seems that this account was used to just see these kinds of pictures and was made a month ago when I was away on vacation. I don’t know how frequently it’s used but it is really bothering me. I have told him in the past that I find this stuff icky so he unfollowed all the insta models from his real account. I have also shared my personal insecurities about having body image issues so this has been disappointing for me. I don’t know how to proceed, should I bring this up or just let it go? I feel really terrible about this
Fiancé has a fake insta account to save nude pictures
Well are you willing to tolerate this behavior? He is probably using that account like a prn website.Im not saying i condone it i actually find it weird too but whats important here is how you feel about it.If it makes you uncomfortable and he does not understand or make a change maybe reconsider getting married.
I would be single.
You know the answer girl. There are dedicated websites for porn, but he made the effort to make and hide that account from you to look at specific girls. My ex did the same, and I ended up finding more and more secrets/saved perverted shit. I think it’s creepy and weird
I don’t see how everyone is blaming her. It is NOT normal to have a hidden sexual porn account when it’s suppose to be a social media page. There are LITERAL sites made for that specific reason.
Now like the rest of the comments, it’s up to you OP. Is it a boundary that is a deal breaker and it will more than likely not stop tbh. And my thing is also that you told him you didn’t like this and he went and made a secret account. Hell i don’t care about porn either, I do it. But I’d never hide or lie about it or make my partner uncomfortable because of it. And that’s the issue.
I found nude photos of my boyfriend’s ex on his laptop and addressed them to him the very next day.
For context we had just gone out of town to pick up a puppy we were adopting, we had a few hours to kill before we could pick her up so we went around exploring, taking photos, and eventually stopped at a coffee shop to get some coursework done. The next day I realized I had left my MacBook charger at the cafe and my boyfriend let me use his while he was at work. (He offered to let me use his MacBook so he willingly let me use it.) All was well until I went to look at his photos, my intentions were pure like OP’s I just wanted to look at the photos he had taken from our trip and that’s when I saw the X-rated photos.
I told him the next day that I technically snooped and that I acknowledged that doing so was wrong and an invasion of privacy but I also stated what my intentions were when snooping and in the process, I found certain photos that I was not okay with him having. We talked he apologized and said he didn’t even realize he still had them and immediately deleted them.
If something that your fiance does affects you negatively in any way you should always address it as quickly as possible. If you can’t/ don’t know how to talk to your soon-to-be husband about embarrassing or uncomfortable topics marriage is going to be very hard.
He could have legit used a private browser/porn site but he saved it on a Instagram page where the people on there are contactable which is what’s throwing me off
I would like to say I am ashamed that I snooped but it was not my intention. My fiancé is a photographer and I wanted to get a picture from his saved pictures that I want to print and gift for his birthday.
On one hand, I’m here to tell you that looking for outside validation to fix your body issues will always lead to disappointment. With that said, you erected a boundary and he lied. He hid things behind your back. That’s the bigger issue. In my experience, this behaviour gets worse with time and he’ll just become better at hiding it from you. You have to decide if it this is the type of behaviour you want to deal with long term. I assure you, the trust is damaged and you’ll always have intrusive thoughts regarding what he’s doing. My suggestion is to leave.
I’ll never understand saving nudes at all, let alone on Instagram. There is an entire internet out there people! You will never run out of nudes for any and all sexual proclivities. It’s strange to have a desire to see the same nude twice unless I personally know them.
If it bothers you, say something. That was one of my boundaries on porn (if you can contact the subject and they aren’t your SO, it’s cheating)
This personally is a dealbreaker for me because I’ve seen what this kind of behavior leads to in past relationships. It sets a precedent of him compartmentalizing his sexuality outside the relationship and at other people. Lots of people trivialize this, but it is so unfulfilling to be with someone who doesn’t desire you and just you. Either have a brutally honest and vulnerable conversation with him and lay it all out there, or consider not settling down with someone who has behaviors like this. I promise there are men out there who don’t do this. You deserve better
Meh. This is post isn’t a right/wrong post. There is no side that’s right or wrong. The men in the comments will side with him and invalidate your feelings, the women will side with you and make up fake scenarios.
What you should do is entirely up to you.
My take? Again, no side is right, no side is wrong. It’s understandable that you have these feelings, and him being pushed to a private account can also be very suspicious, but you do have to realize you admit to your insecurities which probably just drove him to hide the fact that he feels attraction to others and still masturbates to other people which is a basic human trait. The private account is literally probably because he doesn’t want to disrespect you by openly feeding your insecurities by having you see and judge him based on what he’s masturbating to.
But in the end, does this say that he won’t cheat? No not at all. Who knows. It’s all up to you and what you feel your next steps are, but definitely talk to youe partner and listen to his side openly as well.
No respect means no respect.
Are you seriously planning to marry a guy that doesn’t respect your boundaries and goes out of his way to do stuff behind your back?
From one stranger on the internet to another, hear me out.
I’ve been a happily married man for the last seven years. I have always been totally faithful, no work crushes, no emotional affairs, nothing. It is also true that, while I don’t have a secret Instagram, I have looked at my fair share of naked women on the internet over the years.
For me at least, it isn’t about lusting after someone hotter, or dreaming of a different life, or not being attracted to my wife; it’s just about getting off. Sex is a pretty basic need, and the size of that need can vary pretty dramatically between partners. Looking at naked women can be part of the way to bridge that gap.
To that point, I am not at all surprised you were on vacation when he created the account.
If you have a moral opposition to porn, well, then, I got nothing for you. But if your feelings of anxiety stem from a fear that maybe he isn’t that into you, or maybe isn’t that trustworthy, well then you might stand a lot to gain by just talking to him.
Guys grow up hiding the fact they jerk it. They hide it from their parents. Their girlfriends. Pretty much everyone they’ve ever lived with. I wouldn’t read too much into him trying to save your feelings by having a “secret” account; from one person or another, he’s being hiding his “materials” for years!
I get that you are insecure about it. It’s a complicated issue. Hopefully the two of you are in a place where you can work that out. But really, the 7th most visited website on the internet is pornhub, followed by xvideo at 12th. Instagram itself is behind both at 13th.
What I’m trying to say is that most guys are whacking it, and whacking it a lot. Even the trustworthy, faithful, and happily-married (or soon-to-be!) ones.
Talk to him. He might still be exactly the guy you thought you were marrying.
Why has he got an account? This is just a dumb way of looking at girls, you can do it literally at any time from phones or any device.
Let the man do his thing. Our male brains are just like that. Doesn’t mean he feels any less about you one bit.
Shit I’ve got a separate reddit account just for me time. My wife knows and it doesn’t bother her as long as I’m not spending money or messaging them
If you drew a clear boundary prohibiting prn then that’s a problem. If it was just about following models on social media then I can see a possibility for confusion. He might have thought it was an issue with him being directly connected to them as opposed to using it for sexual gratification. Many men, including myself, have accounts for prn sites. The website learns your preferences and the algorithms can save hours searching for content. While instagram is primarily social media thats not its exclusive role. If you want to exclude all prn then you need to make that clear. Either way sounds like you guys need to have a discussion and fess up to searching through his phone.
Tldr Let him explain himself and move from there.
That being said I personally would not be in a relationship where prn isn’t allowed. Good luck.
Obviously says the woman who posts pictures of her body but demands her man not to look at others
So you’re willing that he never looks at other girls and never watches porn ? By the way, how did you find this Instagram account ? By looking through his phone ?
To be honest, you can always tell him how much it bothers you .. but « guys will be guys » and most of them *need* visual stimulation other than their partner. I know it’s hard to process, I’ve been through that as well but it doesn’t mean he doesn’t like you or doesn’t find you attractive.
Discuss it with him and you might find a solution together. Good luck (:
Edit: I just read your comment. Are you ready to tell him you’ve been snooping ?
I would definitely bring it up. At his old age ? Doing little sneaky shit like that? Mans gottta go. He’s doing way to much too. I’ve never heard of anyone going out of their way just too look at thirst trap insta pics. I would be livid and wouldn’t care if he knew I was going through his phone. Also I would consider ending it bc he’s just going to get sneakier with it. But if you wanna be petty (which I don’t recommend, I would just leave no explanation and no games) you could do it back. Make it obvious you’re saving pics of other better looking men then him and wait for him to bring it up so you can throw it back in his face he did it first or I would learn how to edit (since nothing is real on insta) and post 2-3 thrist trap pics then after the thrid one I’d be like “did you save any of my pics of your secret account?” Then leave.
My ex did the same shit and then gave up hiding it and just continued to be perverted after our confrontation. Men see nothing wrong with it in my experience which is alarming and bizarre. After the 1000th time of me finding more naked pics of strangers on his iPad I decided to walk away. And you know what..
After 2 years … walking away was easier than staying. Hoping you find peace.
He lied and broke your trust by making a fake acc for this purpose I don’t see any issue on you telling him directly that you went through his insta. Sometimes I feel like checking on each other is completely fine until it’s in a limit. And after this incident you won’t be able to trust him with his social media’s so it’s better to bring it up as soon as possible rather than waiting and thinking is it right. You have your right to complain about your discomfort and how it didn’t bother him.
Honestly, if you have body image issues, you need to be working on that problem on your own, your fiancé is not going to solve that for you. The most important thing here, is that you get some help with that , it probably starts with counseling. Perhaps a counseler could help you work through your feelings about this and help you figure out what you should do about it. Work on yourself, no matter what you decide to do about your fiancé. I would also say that I don’t feel looking at a photo of a naked woman or man is that big of a deal, and for me personally I would not want to be in a relationship with a woman or man that needed that level of control over my life. You should do what’s right for you though – I’m just giving my point of view.
Don’t stay with him. If you have informed him once that you are insecure about yourself then he should start loving you even more. Also, you told him that you don’t like him watching other girls or ig models. But he’s still doing that. He knew you will get hurt after knowing everything, he still did so. This is a red flag to not continue this relationship again.
I just have a question regarding this, would it have been an issue for you if he followed the account fiddler_of_light on insta?
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