Friday, March 24, 2023
HomeRelationship AdviceFound out my girlfriend slept with her current best friend

Found out my girlfriend slept with her current best friend

Me (22) And my girlfriend (23). We’ve been together for a year now. Moved in together 3 months ago. Met her mum a week ago too. I always do everything that would make her happy for example I got her a cat as she always wanted just to cherish her make her happy even though I never had pets and was not too keen on getting one anytime soon just cause i love her so much. She asked me to check something her best friend sent i opened saw her nude in shared media. So decided to read the chats.. found out they were sexting before we got together I confronted her and she started justifying and agreed that they almost slept together. Never went all the way got naked together made out but didn’t fuck. I understand she had a life before me but why to hide. She is still best friends with this guy even was living In same apartment with him before we moved in. Made me friends with him too. Now I cant get the thought out of my mind that that guy undressed my girlfriend made out with her touched her the way i do. I had a doubt on them and always saw her talking great about him and defending him in everything. Even saying he must be great in bed n all. She used to promise me nothing ever happened between them and then i found this out. My problem is not that why it happened.. why wouldn’t you tell me this she would never have told me this if I didn’t find out. In her defence she says she thought i might get angry and break up with her so she didn’t. What do i do.. its not the first time she has lied to me or has hidden something. But i love her a lot and I think she loves me a lot too.. I’m gutted

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  1. She didn’t tell you because she still wanted him in her life. And she knew if she told you it would make you uncomfortable and she didn’t wanted to cause a problem so she lied. I will also tell you I believe she slept with them. She’s only admitting to minor things because she got caught

  2. >She used to promise me nothing ever happened between them and then i found this out.

    This right here? This is the most important part of your post. If this is true, then she lied to you. She lied because she didn’t want to have an admittedly uncomfortable conversation. But lying makes it, like everything else, worse. She didn’t respect you enough to tell you the truth, and she didn’t trust you enough to have a conversation.

    To me those are major red flags. The lying would, for me, be too big a flag. Trust is hard to build, easy to shatter, and extremely difficult to rebuild.

  3. I’d be certain they f**ked. Adults don’t get naked and just make out.

    How does she interact with him now? Anything sexual in they’re chat?

  4. It’s super fucked that she didn’t tell you before you got more serious. Being “best friends” with someone you’ve “gotten naked and kissed with” (come on, you really believe that they didn’t go farther?) warrants a little honesty with your current partner.

    I mean she still has their sexting convos saved man. It’s even worse because she felt the need to “justify” it when you found out.

  5. She used to fuck her current “best friend?” And was Living with this guy while you were together? I’d be surprised if they weren’t sleeping together while you were with her. Otherwise why hide an old relationship?

    I’d break up with her. Trust is gone

  6. Dude. Fuck that shit. Dump her ass… If you knew this before you became serious you would not have gone that way. If you knew this before you moved in, you would not have moved in. Fuck her. Fuck her family. Fuck her friends. Get out of their toot sweet.

  7. > I always do everything that would make her happy for example I got her a cat as she always wanted just to cherish her make her happy even though I never had pets and was not too keen on getting one anytime soon just cause i love her so much.

    This is dumb.

  8. The issue isn’t that she had intimacy with this guy. It’s ok to have a life and it’s not a bad thing to maintain friendships with former sexual partners.

    The issue is that she lied about it, and has also lied about other things in the relationship. That would bother me deeply… Whether that’s a deal breaker is up to you.

  9. Trickle truth my dude. She’s lying. She’s telling you exactly enough to keep you around. SHE’S LYING. Not telling you the truth up front IS LYING. She doesn’t respect herself so she can’t respect you. Please leave her before you get hurt further.

  10. She says “he just be good in bed” about another guy and you didn’t dump her on the spot? Get some self respect, kick this girl back to the streets, and find someone worth being in a relationship with

  11. Female here . Yeah you got played and still getting played . She definitely fucked him, still fucking him. And “she didn’t want you to find out because she was afraid you would break up with her ” – that’s becuase she knew what she was doing, and it would sound exactly like what it is. Make a bullshit excuse get out of that lease if both of you are on. If it’s only you , time to ask her to pack her stuff.

    Good luck

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  13. Might take a long time to get over it completely but if you really love her you’re gonna have to accept the mistake she made.

    I will warn you tho, my ex used to lie “because she thought I would get angry” and that was something that never changed. You’re gonna have to have a serious talk about always telling the truth even if you’re gonna get angry.

  14. If this isn’t the first time she’s lied to you and hidden stuff from you, who knows what else she’s hiding. If this was my partner, I would have major trust issues because of them.

  15. If you think they didn’t have sex then you’re a fool. She’s lying about that. And making comments about him being good in bed?! Dump her lying ass. They’ve probably been messing around behind your back the whole time.

  16. Hey Champion, I know you’re gutted and rightly so. I really don’t understand how people in the early stages of a relationship think that the best option is to lie about things like this, or if they do lie or omit something, how they can’t see that the sooner they come clean the better. Having a relationship founded on a lie of this scale (I mean it’s a big deal and she literally lied to your face and if we’re weighing up the odds, she probably still hasn’t told you the whole truth).

    Nevertheless, here you are. I think it would be perfectly reasonable to end the relationship now and insist that one/both of you move out (and to be honest, her mum knowing you will help that because she’s probably wise enough to know that the alternative if your decision is to break up will become toxic quickly). If that’s your decision, then you need to be really clear with absolutely everyone that it is not what she did in her past that matters, it is that she deliberately lied to you about it, and despite your relationship becoming more serious (including you making financial investments in it), she never felt the need to do the right thing, and tell you the real truth.

    Furthermore, her rationale for lying was because she thought it would upset you, which is basically saying that anything else like this (or anything more upsetting that she has done) she has not, and will not tell you the truth about. Not to mention that over the course of a full life together, you will invariably do things that could upset one another (sometimes just innocently, like one time at a conference I took a female colleague back to her hotel room because she’d had too much to drink – could that have upset my partner, sure, but I still told her all about it because it was innocent and honesty is paramount).

    Now, if you think you can get past the thoughts about the other guy (and to be fair, everyone has a past and they did nothing wrong), then before you inform her of your thoughts/decision, I would suggest you take some time to think of all the other little lies, deceptions etc. you have already noticed, consider why and how she has kept things from you, and how she would do so in the future. Then consider what remedies are available to prevent her from doing these things. And if I were you I would go further than simply an open phone policy because messages can be deleted, etc. Then, when you have done your thinking, I would prepare some notes, and sit down for a conversation.

    I would start by informing her that she has broken your trust. You are no longer confident that she has told you the truth about her past, nor that she will tell you the truth in the future, and that you cannot be with someone that creates that kind of anxiety in their relationship. Then pause. Let her speak first because her response will tell you a lot. If she gets aggressive or defensive or starts justifying her actions (and remember it’s not that she was with the dude, it’s that she lied to you about it), then you know you have dodged a bullet from the future. If she is apologetic and contrite, then you can say that you love her and you want to make it work, but that she has to change. Then pause.

    Hopefully she will ask what she can do, or if not, make a statement about being willing to do so. This is when you say “OK, then let’s work on this together. I will immediately begin trusting you more if you do X Y and Z” (things like open phone policy/shared apps, location sharing – whatever we’re the things you came up with as remedies for her being able to keep you from knowing the truth – keeping in mind that your aim shouldn’t be to crontrol her or read her private conversations, but to maintain a record you can access together, if ever the nagging doubts creep back in). Her response to this request will also tell you what you need to know. If she’s good with it then you’re good to go, and if not, then you dodged a future bullet again.

    Finally, if she is happy to proceed, then if you feel the need to revisit it, then you should say something like “you did sleep together, didn’t you” and follow up her response whatever that may be with “This is a one-time-offer to clear you conscience – is there anything else you should tell me?” Just to clear the decks (and you might drop in something here that you know she has lied about, but doesn’t know that you know).

    Good luck mate, personally, I don’t think her past should get in the way of your future together, and I can understand why she lied to you – why risk unsettling a budding relationship if there is genuinely nothing going on between them? BUT as your relationship became more serious, she should have sat you down and corrected the record. Best of luck mate – I hope to hear a happy update that you’ve talked it through and she demonstrated enough willingness to rebuild your trust in her, that you can just get moving on making you new place a happy and healthy home!

  17. Self fulfilling prophecy. Now that she lied about it you kinda half to break up with her. Also, why on earth is she keeping the nudes. She has been lying about this guy from the go. Tell her she can’t maintain contact with him at this point, that should be obvious but she is clearly trying to have her cake and eat it too. If she refuses, break up. Or this will happen again. I wouldn’t even ask her to stop talking to him as she already lied, I would just leave. The worst part is that dude will be right there to comfort her but that’s how the shit goes. Good luck to you, find a girl who’s best friend isn’t a hot dude.

  18. I’m a firm believer that you can be friends with exes and ex-FWBs. I had a FWB for years before I broke it off to start looking for a serious relationship. We remained close friends. I was always honest about the fact that we had been intimate in the past with new potential partners and offered a safe place for them to ask questions and make boundaries. She hid this from you. That’s a HUGE red flag.

  19. She knew you would be upset by something so she didn’t tell you. She knew you might break up with her so she didn’t tell you. So In the future if she does something you don’t like she’s just gonna hide it from you.

    What’s the point of staying with them? They lie to you, violate your boundaries. It sounds like a miserable relationship to me.

  20. She lied by omission. She knew it would cause problems but she didn’t head it off. She let you find out and you are just supposed to shrug it off? She has lied to you every day until now… if you believe her story. And if you believe her story now, didn’t you believe her before as well? The truth is you cannot trust her at all.

  21. Yeah full disclosure is very important. One of my best friends and I fucked a few times almost 3 years ago and I’m damn well going to make sure any future partner knows that.

  22. She has lied and is unable to communicate difficult things in relationships because she was afraid you’d be upset. This is exactly what leads to problems down the road and is more of a dealbreaker than anything else.

  23. Wait you’ve been together a year, moved in together, you bought her a fucking car *and this isn’t the FIRST time she’s lied to you or trickle truthed you?*

    Do you have a brother? Because I need a new car too./s

  24. If she loved you she wouldn’t keep lying to you. You said this isn’t the first time she’s lied or hidden something. Are you sure you even know who she really is or is it more lies.

  25. She lied to you and still being friends with someone who was interested in her, she keep all of this from you. It’s a god damn red flag, dump her ass to the street. The trust has been broken by her fault. Who knows how many things she had lied to you? She belongs to the street.

  26. She lied. Kept the guy as an option. And got naked with him in the past. If she can’t stop seeing him then end it.

    You need to be able to end a relationship. If she doesn’t respect your boundaries and lies to you – then she doesn’t really love you.

  27. So the guy she’s going to go to after every fight, argument, or low point is a guy she’s boned? The person to hear her out and be a sympathetic ear? Nope. No way. I’d be out of there and you should nope out too.

  28. I think you know what you have to mate. Might feel like you’ve put in too much time but that’s just sunken cost fallacy.

    This is not they type of girl you want to dedicate yourself to. I don’t any gent that would stand for accept all that mess.

  29. Bro I’m sorry but they’re fucking 100%. Next time make sure your girl has no male best friend, especially not one she used to fuck and live with. That shit doesn’t work and is an unnecessary risk.

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