Friday, March 24, 2023
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Fresh after break up. Friend that made my ex uncomfy made a move on me, now idk what to do.

A brief backstory before asking for advice, just so people will understand the situation better – my girlfriend of 7 months broke up with me because she had issue with my long-term female friend. She was accusing her of having feelings for me & crossing boundaries, but I seriously couldn’t see what she was seeing, so we split up. I was relieved at first, because at least she didn’t tell me to choose between them and decided to break up with me instead. I even confided in said friend and she was really supportive and sweet… until she actually tried to make a move on me, while I was still hurting after break up. She was at my place to grab a drink and when it was time to call it a night she tried to go to bed with me, saying that she can make my pain go away. I told her no and she actually got kind of hurt or maybe shy, idk, but she said that she only tried to make my ex eat her words. She went to sleep on the couch and apologized to me in the morning, saying the %%% were speaking through her.

We were both really drunk to be honest, I had a little more to drink than her probably but we both weren’t in the right head space, yet it still bugs me. It makes me feel like my ex was right all along and she actually saw some signs that I ignored. The break up is still fresh, it happened just over a week ago. I don’t know where to go from there and I was hoping to get some clarity and advice here.

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  1. You need to put some distance between you and your friend. This should allow you to think clearly of what it is you want from this. Either way, your friendship will never be the same.

    – do you want to pursue a relationship with your friend?

    – do you want to get back together with your ex-girlfriend?

    – do you want to be alone for awhile, for yourself?

    Also, your friend does sound toxic and I agree with the other comments that she was gaslighting you. Judging from your story, I’m willing to bet that she said some hurtful and awful stuff to your ex, and your ex had enough trying to compete.

    Your friend sounded like an eager and hungry vulture waiting the whole time for your relationship to die so she could quickly swoop in and peck at your remains.

    You need better friends. Good luck!

  2. So now you know your ex was right and your “friend” was sabotaging your relationship. Your next step is to decide how many girlfriends you’re willing to lose over this one so called friend. Because trust me, your next gf isn’t going to be happy with this situation either.

  3. Your gf was and is right and you chose to ignore her.

    Your “friend” is not your friend. I’d bet she intentionally made your gf uncomfortable to get rid of her. And it worked.

    She’ll do the same with the next girl.

  4. Women tend to see other women doing inappropriate shit. Just like men see it when men do inappropriate shit. That the other party seems oblivious to.

    Your ex was right and frankly good on her for having the self respect to realise you don’t care enough about her to have looked into it.

    This “friend” is going to interfere with any other relationship you have too.

  5. In future when your partner expresses a concern about something, maybe take it into consideration. She was right the whole time. I feel sorry for her but hopefully she can find someone else who actually respects what she has to say.

  6. She was emboldened by your breakup. She saw it as a sign that you *did* in fact choose her. You also owe your ex an apology. No need to get back together but you need to tell her that she wasn’t being hysterical and unreasonable.

  7. Its not really “eating her words” when she was right in the end now is it..

    Your friend and you need to take some space. You still need to process the breakup.

  8. I don’t think your friend is really a good friend. Regardless of whether she was the reason for the breakup or not, no friend would make a move on somebody while they’re grieving and in pain. It just feels like she’s been desperate for this moment, and now that you’re broken up she feels like there’s nothing standing in your way. She’s not trying to consider your emotions or feelings, she was just waiting for the physical barrier of your girlfriend to go away.

  9. Your ex girlfriend is/was right.

    For your part, you need to figure out how you really feel about this “friend”. You were relieved ex gf dumped you and eliminated you needing to choose. You immediately go to said friend and confide in her and look for comfort from the person your Ex thought had been crossing boundaries. It really comes across like you prefer the friend.

  10. Yes, you picked your friend over your gf, congratulations (this is what your “friend” thinks btw, that she won and is more important to you than your ex).

    Your friend is a manipulator, definitely wants you and does NOT respect you at all;

    However you chose to ignore your ex’s discomfort and that says a lot about you as a boyfriend. I sincerely hope this event changes your perspective on how to treat a significant other properly. Bc, if you don’t change, every next relationship will end like this – threatened by that girl you allow to mess everything up – and you will justify it saying “oh I’ve known her for several years”. Bro, if you don’t want to date her you have to let the time criterion behind otherwise you won’t be able to prioritize your next s/o.

  11. props to your gf for putting herself first and not let inconsiderate and disrespectful people walk all over her. i’m sorry for you that you have a “friend” like that, she’s not a good person and it cost you a good relationship.

  12. Bro lmao you just lost a good woman to a shitty female friend.

    If I were you I’d dump the female friend and go back and grovel to the ex, tell her she was right, and that you’ll never doubt her again because SHE WAS RIGHT BROTHER. Hope that she forgives you and takes you back.

    If you keep the female friend now, you’re gonna have to date her. She’s already made a move on you and now she’s trying to pretend she didn’t and it was just a mistake. Nah. Dude. Nah. Lies.

    I promise you that now that she’s made a move, ANY girl you date in the future will absolutely not be okay with you two being friends. So either date her or leave her alone, but the friendship is over my guy. The damage is done.

  13. So your ex was right. Now you know she was right. She most likely did / said things to ur ex to make her think this even more. And drinking is no excuse cause if she was “just a friend” the offer of sex litteraly after a break up would not of happened . And drinking is not a excuse cause you were drunk and still knew better its more proof than anything that your friend was pushing boundaries and won because in the end you and your girlfriend broke up. She thinks you chose her and now feels like it’s a mutual interest. You need to say sorry to your ex. Don’t get back together because she deserves someone who actually listens to her feelings. But you do need to atleast say sorry and thay she was right.

  14. Drunk actions are sober thought’s. Your ex girlfriend was right this whole time and you didn’t believe her you didn’t even offer to distance yourself. That’s really sad i hope she finds someone better.

  15. There’s a lot to be said for women’s intuition. Your ex may have been right. This “friend” sounds like a creep. She’s taking advantage of your vulnerability. If I were in your shoes, I would avoid her.

  16. By breaking up with her, you did ultimately choose you friend. And your “friend” happens to be *exactly* the person your ex thought she was. Maybe in the future you can try and see your partner’s side of things. Ditch the “friend” if you plan on ever dating again because no woman is going to deal with that nonsense.

  17. Your gf had valid concerns, and you invalidated her at every step. This is what your friend banked on, and tbh you did make a choice. Because you chose to continue a friendship with the friend. Then she did exactly as expected lol.

    What about your friendship was more valuable than that relationship? And what exactly do you want from your ex? You told her her feeling were wrong and tried to tell her that what she was clearly seeing was false, and weather you want to acknowledge it or not, it shows you trusted your friend over your ex.

  18. Apologise to your ex. Ask her what where the clues that your “friend” was pushing boundaries.

    Reduce your time spent with “friend” and not drink together.

    Think about what you could have done better to listen to your ex and respond without dismissing her concerns. What actions you didn’t do and what you could have done.

  19. Lmfao you can’t admit you were wrong, huh?

    Your ex was correct. And yes, you ignored her. Good for her and her boundaries and self-esteem.

    Where to go from here? Learn from your mistakes. That “friend” is no friend. She wants more. Let her go. There are friends that are actually just friends,but she isn’t one of them.

    You could send a text to your ex “I just wanted to let you know that I’m sorry. She ended up making a move on me and I can’t believe how blind I was to your opinion. But I wanted to let you know that you weren’t imagining things. Take care and have a good life.” And then let her go.

    And move on with your life.

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