Friday, March 24, 2023
HomeRelationship AdviceFriend wants me to ask my "millionaire" friends for money

Friend wants me to ask my “millionaire” friends for money

So for some back story, my friend is having some financial issues with an ageing pet and has some big vet bills coming up that she is concerned she won’t be able to pay for. She has started a go fund me for it, but not many people have donated, possibly because it is the second time this year that she has run one for this same pet and his previous vet bill. The bill is estimated by the vet to be around $4000aud.
So today she messaged me to talk about not having a lot of donations to her gfm and said “do you think some of your millionaire friends could help?” Now for context, I don’t talk about money and how much my friends earn etc, but it seems like she has remembered this from when I was explaining to her how crypto works and I used one of my friends who made a fair amount on crypto as an example of how it worked and how people make money from it. Anyway, this whole situation makes me feel really awkward and I’ve left her message unread on my phone(I was able to read the relatively short message in the notifications without opening it and marking it as read) and I’m panicking a little about how to respond.
Also, she has said stuff like this in the past and I brushed it off as a joke but it feels like it might not have been a joke the first couple of times now that she is asking me outright.
I also am not the kind of person to ask for money from people, I come from fairly humble up bringing, single mother, scraping by to pay bills, so I know it can be stressful to not have money for things but I struggle to empathise with people who do ask for money since that’s not how I am.

sorry If the formatting is bad, I’m new to this.

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  1. Yeah, hard as it is, it’s best to put a gentle but firm boundary in place ‘hey friend, I understand that you are desperate to help your pet, but it’s not fair or appropriate to put me in an awkward situation by expecting me to beg for hand outs to fund your responsibilities. I am not comfortable asking people who don’t know you for money for your pet. I’m really sorry you are in this situation, but I won’t be asking people unconnected to your or [insert pets name] to pay for his bills.’ If you are comfortable doing so, you could offer to post the go fund me to your own socials, but making personal appeals to other people puts you in a really uncomfortable position.

  2. I am an animal lover, so my heart goes out to your friend. Knowing that there is something that could help your sick pet and not being able to afford it is really awful. I am giving her the benefit of the doubt and assuming that all of her emotions about that are clouding her judgement.
    I would respond being sympathetic about her pet and offer to post the link on your social media pages, but I would not ask people directly- your “rich” friends will see it on your page and decide for themselves if they want to donate without being individually pressured.

  3. I think the bigger question is why are you so scared of saying no to a friend?

    She probably figured it can’t hurt to ask, just as you are free to say no.

    “Sorry, I’m not comfortable doing that.”

    No judgments or accusations are necessary. Just a simple no will do. If she has an angry or rude response to your no, then you can cross that bridge when you come to it.

    Preemptively freaking out, isn’t serving anyone. Remember, the only person’s emotions you are responsible for are your own.

  4. Crypto currency has tanked and a millionaire a year ago could be completely broke now. Tell her that even if it isn’t true for your particular friend. But it’s so sad that she is trying to save her pet and can’t afford it. Maybe the vet will let her make payments or maybe there is an animal group that will help pay for it. We have those in the US. In the meantime she just has to keep the go fund me page open and update what she needs. Sometimes people can pay directly to the vet if they are concerned she will use the money for something else. But I really hope her pet gets better.

  5. “Hey, I was really sorry to hear about your dog. Unfortunately I need to say no to your request — I don’t feel comfortable asking friends for money. It’s not something I’ve ever done before and it sits uneasy with me. I want you to know that I’m not saying this because I don’t value the importance of your dog’s medical care. I really hope you can raise the money in other ways and if there’s anything else I can do to help, like sharing the page, I will.”

    Politely state to to them in a empathetic and understanding way, but also put down your boundary. They should respond by respecting it — if they don’t you may need to be firmer with the boundary.

  6. >I also am not the kind of person to ask for money from people, I come from fairly humble up bringing, single mother, scraping by to pay bills, so I know it can be stressful to not have money for things but I struggle to empathize with people who do ask for money since that’s not how I am.

    This is what you tell her. If she can’t accept that as an honest answer, then she’s not much of a friend.

  7. As someone who just had her senior pet died last month, I understand your friend’s grief and possibly desperation…

    Tell them that you’re uncomfortable asking them for money, and you’re not even certain they’re wealthy/millionaires. If they want to ask these people themselves, go right ahead, just offer that you’ll be willing to share her go fund me on your social media (this is if you’re comfortable with it), perhaps if one of your millionaire friends decide to donate, then good for them….if you’re not comfortable, don’t offer and just say ‘sorry’ that you’re uncomfortable to ask for money on their behalf.

  8. I can relate to your awkward position a little. Sort of. I come from a well off family, not insanely rich, but upper middle class. Thing is, I’m a student, I don’t earn. It’s not even generational wealth, all if it was earned by my dad. But because he pays for my entire existence, and because he like to ‘spoil’ me a little, I do have some higher end tech and clothing making it obvious that I come from affluence. As such, many times some of my relatively poorer friends have made jokes about having my rich ass pay for stuff among other things.

    It’s very awkward because it’s NOT my money. I don’t even have access to it. My dad periodically puts money in my account so I can cover my expenses and some extra and while he doesn’t track every bit he does ask me to spend reasonably (very vague I know).

    I have yet to find a proper response to it all. I’ve tried several with varying degrees of success.

    But the best solution would be tell your friend that your other friends aren’t millionaires. Pretend to be ignorant and if she mentions then by name, say that they do make good money but not as much as she seems to think they do. And that you don’t know any details because you don’t discuss money.

    If you want to help her, then you can post her gfm link on a group chat or on your social media page. if any of your ‘millionaire’ friends see it and choose to contribute then good, if not, then not your problem.

  9. Why don’t you tell her “I will be happy to share the link on facebook or twitter or insta or whatever”, and that should cover it. If she presses, just say you are uncomfortable soliciting donations directly, but you will share the link and her story and ask others to share it as well.

  10. No is a complete sentence. She should have taken out pet insurance after the first incident. If her vet won’t take a payment plan, there are others that will. She needs to use her words to talk to her vet, not ask you to crowd source money.

  11. If it makes you uncomfortable you should probably talk to them about it or tell them you aren’t comfortable asking others for money. I think it’s pretty uncool/inconsiderate of her even though she does seem desperate. There are other ways to raise funds besides pressuring your friends to get money for you. Good luck!

  12. Simply, no. Don’t ask a friend for money for a friend. It’s puts you in an awkward position… you can share her go fund me link to your social, and if your milli friend sees it, and want to donate, then it’s a win win for all… but legit, your friend asking (albeit she is desperate) is kinda intrusive to your other relationship. There are loan companies, banks, and/or credit cards for emergency situations – imo

  13. I would tell your friend that there are lots of ways you are comfortable supporting her emotionally through this, but asking friends for money isn’t one of them. Boundaries matter. Your friend is casting about in a mildly irrational manner and in the long run she will either accept your answer or won’t. Don’t feel to bad about it even if she gets a little mean about it.

  14. People on this thread is very harsh towards that friend. Imagine being desperate to prolong the life of the people or pet that you really love and having no money to pay for their bills. Wouldn’t you ask your friend to help?

    She’s asking for help. You can gently tell her no because you’re uncomfortable with it but you can offer another way to help. She’s not forcing you to ask, she’s just asking you.

  15. Does she have a 2nd or 3rd job? mowing lawns, dog walking, Uber, delivering pizza, etc? 4000 isn’t that much with a part time gig over a few months. I would think she’d be embarrassed to beg for cash from strangers. Lots of ways to make a bit of extra cash so perhaps brainstorm with her what she’s good at and can get to doing ASAP

  16. It may sound heartless but I can’t understand why people fight to save their pets to the point of financial stress. I love my cat dearly but I know I will outlive him. If you cannot afford to save your pet let them go, it’s the only logical choice.

    Your friend has no business begging for money for this. It’s her responsibility to pay for it. Asking you to ask your friends to help her is…trashy… I’m sorry, I’m not trying to be mean but it’s pathetic. Take responsibility and pay for it yourself, if you can’t then figure it out or let it go. Don’t put other people in a weird situation for your decisions.

  17. You can do a little fibbing and say that in previous conversations all of your wealthy friends have commented how they hate ppl asking to borrow money whether it be friends are family so you wouldn’t feel comfortable asking.Also, just saying ‘no’ works too.

  18. I think she needs to call it quits with that poor thing. She obviously can’t afford to keep it. Tell her to get real and let it rest. I can tell you right now that your “millionaire” crypto friends are very likely less than a million these days. Things have been winding down recently.

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