*So this story has happened to a friend of mine, and I personally think she should break up with her boyfriend, but she won’t listen to me, so please try to put some sense into her, through this text post.*
My friend (24F) and her boyfriend (30M) have been dating for about five months at this point.
The other day they had an argument, and in the heat of the moment he said women deserve to be r*ped when they don’t have enough clothes on.
I couldn’t believe my ears, and I immediately told her to break up with him, because that type of comment can only be said by a person who is capable of doing such a thing.
She, however, claims he would never do that, and that he’s the sweetest person, but felt attacked by some of her comments and actions, so he was “forced to say that “.
I personally think what he said is unforgivable an insane, so, if more people can please tell her to break up with him, it would be greatly appreciated.
You, unfortunately, can’t talk sense into her. Just say her bf makes you uncomfortable and you refuse to hang out with him. If he says shit like that, I wouldn’t feel safe around him either. Say you’ll still see her but not him. If she asks why, tell her you’re worried he’ll rape you if you dress too revealingly and that’s just not a risk you’re willing to take.
Well there is a lot to unpack here. Any idea what her thoughts and actions where that made this AH think condoning rape was a reasonable response ? Getting the feeling that the comment is the least of her problems tbh.
Get your friend to look at the clothing worn by rape survivors on display at the ‘Is it my fault?’ exhibition that was at the Centre Communautaire Maritime in the Molenbeek district of Brussels. BBC news did an article with a video if that helps.
It’s definitely an eye opener for those that think clothing has anything to do with that kind of violence.
Ask your friend to encourage her boyfriend to educate himself on this issue, and if he refuses or makes any kind of excuse, you can point out to her that if he was the “sweetest” person, he would want to educate himself to be able to support the women in his life.
My father was old school Italian. The case of the woman wearing a short skirt that got SA’d in a bar came up. My women do the cooking and cleaning, men fix the cars, father had this to say. “A woman should be able to walk down a street naked and the only response a man should have is to offer her a blanket.”
If he could get it, anyone can. Her bf should be history.
Nothing you can do about their relationship. I would tell her a rape apologist is not welcome in your home ever. Stay safe.
Oh so if he doesn’t wear a helmet at all times he deserves a 2 by 4 to the head? He seems to be asking for it.
Imo she’s just as bad for staying with filth like that, ofc he meant every word of that. No one out of anger accidentally says something like that.
You cant help women like that tbh I’d drop her too.
I agree with you, but unfortunately there isn’t anything you can do about it. Just tell her you don’t feel comfortable around him and that you do not wish to be around him
I feel bad for your friend, she’s with a misogynist and rape apologist and can’t see it. Hopefully she will soon enough, because imagine those words in a group of normal people – and her defending him.
And now you know why a 30y old man is interested in a 24y old woman.
Yeah heat in the moment? We all have those moments but this is quite specific. Does he act differently around girls/woman who don’t have alot of clothing on? What’s his normal attitude towards it if say, he hears it in the news? This comment really needs to go further. He may have wanted to cause her pain, but it’s still a really dodgy thing to say. So either he does agree with it or he’d say something like that to cause her pain if she’s made it vocal of how against it she was. Was she arguing about his existing misogynistic attitudes and it prompted this? Either way, yes end it. I’m imagining it may have been an argument about this topic, if it even makes him apathetic or ragey then that’s enough to end it as it is. Listen to the red flags, if you need more proof go find it. Go research him. What are his mates like? Often they’ll just put on a face for woman/ girlfriends but it always outs itself. And anyone acting to keep someone can’t be trusted either. So really no matter which way you look at it, he’s showing her a side of him that she may end up regretting ignoring. Those attitudes penetrate every single aspect of life and especially in relationships.
You can’t change her mind. My best friend who’s awesome and quite open-minded is gonna marry this guy who’s a little homophobic. I talked to her many times, and she was like ‘don’t worry. i can change him’. He’s really sweet with her tho.
Idk, i don’t think one bad thing about a person makes them entirely bad.
Not your circus, not your monkeys. Butt out.
She seems dumb, you can’t reason with dumb people. Let her fuck around and find out on her own
It’s unforgivable and insane. Even if a woman is completely naked, that doesn’t mean any man can just walk up to her and force her to have sex whenever he wants to and have that be *her* fault.
**Only rapists think there are ‘valid reasons’ to rape women.**
She’s a fool if she stays with him.
Disgusting outlook by a terrible guy.
He certainly sounds like a rapey garbage human, but you can’t force your friend to see that
Get busy with your own life. You’ve told your friend what you think, move on. You can’t control people. Hopefully in time she’ll realize he’s a POS
Total red flag. She needs to get rid of this creep asap. Anyone who thinks someone deserves to be raped based on clothing probably has a lot of other toxic opinions too. Why waste time on a loser like that? Better off with a vibratory and some Daniel Steele.
You should ask her if he would ever accept the idea that if a man was topless and in shorts that he would deserve that to happen to him.
I find in hard to believe he would agree with that. When it comes down to it I have to see that line of thinking coming from seeing women as objects. If the object is accessible then he thinks it should be able to be taken. No kind person would agree with that, her boyfriend thinks like a predator.
100% absolutely without a date break up, block, delete. He doesn’t exist to you anymore.
Hold up. You want us, anonymous people, to help you, someone who we have never met and know nothing about, break up two individuals; whom we have also never met and know nothing about nor the intricacies of their relationship, who by the way, may in fact be a perfectly happy couple; over your dissenting opinion with a view held by one of the partners involved. You came here…to reddit……… To ask for assistance and blind sycophancy…………to break up another couple’s relationship??????????????
Unsolicited word of advice. Don’t overstate your importance in your friend’s life, or think that because you may have known her longer and in some ways better than her current boyfriend, you know what’s best for her. She’s grown and can make that decision for herself. Loosen your grip on those friendship reins.
I wouldn’t tell her what to do – obviously she’s an adult and it’s her relationship. For better or worse, I think a lot more people make tasteless jokes than actually rape people. (The jokes are obviously bad but I wouldn’t equate that with physical violence because that hasn’t yet occurred.)
I think in your situation I would concentrate on how you think that the comment is concerning and maybe ask her if she thinks that accurately represents his view of women – and why/why not.
The good news is that is the biggest and most blatant red flag you could get. I mean it doesn’t get more in your face obvious than that.
The bad news is, she’s completely ignoring it.
It seems like your only option is support her until she hopefully figures it out…….OR, get someone to rape HIM then ask him what he was wearing.
This is none of your business. Leave the poor girl alone.
No one deserves being assaulted. No one. Well, maybe actual pedophiles, but other than that.
Some guys are just such dead shits. But there’s always some girl who just doesn’t care.
This and your other comments gave me the vibe he’s already done it and was defending himself.
Is she dating comedian Bryan Callen?
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