Sunday, March 26, 2023
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gay woman sat in my husband’s lap – how can I explain to my husband that this makes me uncomfortable

Hello. My husband has a group of friends from work and one of them is a lesbian woman (she has had boyfriends in the past. She is with a woman right now and is claiming to be lesbian)

This weekend we all had a get together, had a few drinks. (Not shitfaced but buzzed)

Lesbian woman gets up, walks over to my husband, and sits on his lap. She sat there for a few minutes telling stories like everything was normal.

I spoke to my husband about how this made me uncomfortable and he said it wasn’t a big deal because she’s lesbian. So that means “she has no ulterior motive”

I said it doesn’t matter what she is, I dont want a woman sitting on his lap…

On my opinion, a woman has no reason to sit on a man’s lap unless she’s interested and trying to “make a move.” I mean, it’s literally putting your butt on his dick. It doesn’t get more obvious than that.

How can I explain to him why this Is wrong even if she’s lesbian? Thank you

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  1. In my opinion it doesn’t really matter what gender she prefers, assuming you are in a heterosexual relationship, he is into women and that’s the issue I’d see there.

  2. Yeah she may be lesbian but he isn’t gay. Men can be attracted to lesbians. Infact a lot are. Just like straight women can find gay men attractive.

    It’s not ok to sit on someone’s lap especially infront of their partner. No matter sexual preferences. She did you dirty and so did he.

  3. Regardless if she dates men, women, both, or neither:

    Your husband is being disrespectful for dismissing your boundary and hinting he will willingly cross it again as long as the woman identifies herself as anything other than straight.

  4. Hi OP,

    I identify as a lesbian. I would never sit in the lap of someone in a relationship at all, regardless of their gender/sexuality. That crosses a line. Her identifying as a lesbian (regardless of her sexual/romantic history) does not make it okay and it is not an excuse.

    It’s also disrespectful of her own relationship. If I found out my girlfriend had sat in a man’s lap, I wouldn’t be happy and I definitely wouldn’t dismiss it.

    All that should matter to your husband was that it made you uncomfortable. I can’t think of any situation where sitting in someone’s lap would not be considered flirting.

  5. The issue has nothing to do with her sexuality. Her behavior is inappropriate to most people and especially to a married man and co-worker. The minute it is not okay by yourself or your spouse is when it needs to be shutdown.

  6. It makes you uncomfortable and is a perfectly reasonable boundary.

    You don’t need to justify it or explain it.

    Somehow it feels like this isn’t the first time it’s happened.

  7. He’s an adult male who supposedly does not want a sexual relationship with this adult woman.

    Why are any of these people sitting on or being sat on by the other?

  8. If it truly wasn’t a big deal, this is how I imagine the conversation would go:

    Partner 1: Hey, I’m not upset, but I just wanted to let you know that [thing that happened] made me feel bad.

    Partner 2: shoot, I thought it wasn’t a big deal at the time, but I’m sorry it made you feel bad and I don’t have to do [thing] again.

    If a couple starts fighting over what should be minor issues (eating the other person’s leftovers, leaving out dirty plates, making certain jokes the other person doesn’t think is funny, etc) then it’s not about the actual Thing, it’s about flexing power in a relationship and that’s always a losing game.

  9. There are clear boundaries that are being crossed. Regardless of sexual preferences, it is not appropriate to be sitting in anyone’s lap. There is a level of intimacy involved there. Your husband should know better.

    Guaranteed he would have a problem with you sitting in a guy’s lap. Claim he was gay, but all the while enjoying sitting in his lap anyway feeling his dick against your butt.

  10. Doesn’t matter the sexual orientation. If she were a raccoon, she had no right to do that!

    Next time go sit on a gay friend’s lap in front of your husband. That shows him the flaw in his argument with visual aids.

  11. It literally does not matter what their gender is or what their sexual preference is .. sitting on a married man’s lap is not ok. I honestly don’t know how he can justify this just because that is extremely disrespectful to you and he needs to understand that. If my husband kept letting a woman sit on his lap then I wouldn’t be sleeping in the same bed as him. I’d tell him that either he was leaving or I’m leaving and I’d go stay somewhere else for a while

  12. just ask him that, if it was a guy who had sat on her lap would he have allowed him. If not then what made him comfortable with the said woman.

    Or worse ask him if he would treat it the same if you were the one who sat on a gay guy’s lap.

  13. “This made me uncomfortable. I understand she is a lesbian however, u are heterosexual and she is still a woman. Also, I’m quite frankly NOT comfortable with any woman sitting on your lap. Regardless of orientation”

    She shouldn’t be on his lap regardless. All u lowkey have to say is, I don’t care about orientation. I’m not comfortable with anyone sitting on your lap. Period.

  14. She has done it before, it was natural for her to sit on his lap!! I bet if you tell him to make her stop sitting on his lap, he will say ” what you don’t trust me?” IMO a red flag! What’s the age of all of you? How long did she sit on his lap for?

  15. Yeah – that’s behaviour is unacceptable. I think it was inappropriate of her, regardless of her sexual orientation. Your husband can and should respect you here and he is allowed to choose who sits in his lap in the future and shouldn’t let other women .

    Side note — try “identifies as a lesbian” instead of “claims to be a lesbian” lol. She knows more about her sexual orientation than you do. And, in this case, her sexual orientation doesn’t change this situation at all IMO.

  16. Her sexuality doesn’t matter. It’s still a boundary that you asked to not have crossed. Whether she’s a lesbian, ace, bi, it doesn’t matter. Would he feel the same if a man sat on your lap? Even if the man has “no ulterior motive”? Or if you sat on another man’s lap even though you only want your husband?

    Sounds like he enjoyed it too much. “Oh she’s a lesbian but she likes me enough to sit on me. What else would she like to do?”

    Childish. It’s Childish. She can keep her ass to herself and he can respect you.

  17. Damn, am I the only one here who thinks sitting on someone elses lap is not that big of a deal?
    we’re talking about a group of friends here, common!
    (i always find it fascinating when a person solves their own feelings of jealousy by making up rules for their partner.)

  18. Regardless of her sexuality, what purpose would she have for sitting on your husband’s lap? It shows a level of familiarity that most people would be uncomfortable seeing their spouse share with a coworker.

    It also shows a complete lack of respect to you, by both your husband and his coworker. She did it right in front of you, so clearly she doesn’t care about embarrassing you.

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