So my girlfriend and I were out celebrating our 7th anniversary together. She then tells me a co-worker of hers has a crush on her. She did tell him she was taken and I’m glad she told me all this
She then proceeded to say “consider yourself lucky I chose you”. I felt like this was disrespectful and made me feel less than. Or am I thinking too much?
Edit 1: I did want to add this because I was embarrassed but going to anyway – long story short she cheated on me 2 years ago and I gave her a second chance. It took me a lot of sleepless nights to get over it and I was until she made this comment last week on our 7th anniversary
Edit: this is my first post here and everyone in the comments have been very helpful with their perspective. Thank you so much
“A bit of background – 2 years ago she did something which almost ended our relationship and we worked towards getting over that and moving on because we still did love each other. I went through so much pain to deal with that and move on.”
This would not make me feel lucky she chose me. This would honestly make me a little bit pissed that she fucked up badly enough to darned near end the relationship single-handedly, and still seems to think you owe her even after that.
Personally, to me, it comes off as she thinks she’s above you, particularly as she said this right after mentioning that someone else wanted her, almost as if she were gloating. You might sit her down and ask what she meant by that. Don’t let her blow it off and say it was a joke, if it didn’t feel like she was joking to you (and especially if it’s not something she would normally say). Ask if she really feels that way, where this is coming from and why.
A good response is “I do. Consider yourself lucky as well”
This sounds like one of those jokes with a message behind it. The proper response should have been “hey, if you think you can do better than me, go for it.”
She’s basically saying because I like you I’m staying though I could do better. The reality is that she already has one strike against her and she’s acting like she’s doing you a favor. Frankly, you don’t sound very “lucky” to me.
For her to have cheated on you and then you forgiving her, I find her statement completely out of line. IMO The correct answer for the OP to have given her would be something like this.
“So you think that I am lucky to have you? Well, I don’t feel quite that way. I feel that you are lucky that I forgave you when you cheated on me and hurt me, so you should consider yourself lucky. Since I didn’t kick you to the curb right then and there. Oh and BTW you can rest assured that if you ever do cheat again that will be the very first thing that will happen. Ok, now that we have that straight, let’s talk about that coworker, who you say is hitting on you?”
OP since you, forgave her, She may feel that gives her a license to cheat again and that you’re going to just accept it like you already did once. And believe me, many cheaters feel exactly that way when they either get away with it or get caught but are forgiven. So Hope for a good outcome, but prepare yourself for the worst should it happen again. It is highly likely based on her attitude towards you about what a lucky guy you are that it could very well happen again.
Oh, and that lucky guy line is a classic line used by both women and men who want to try to control their partners or to demean them and create self-doubt. So that way when they cheat again, they’re significant other will just accept it again. Because” they are not worthy and are lucky to have that person.” Do you see where I’m going with this?
I think that depends on exactly how she said it. Maybe she meant it as a joke. If not though and she was serious about it, then I agree that it was not a good thing for her to say.
At the beginning, middle, and end of your conversation with her, keep in your mind that SHE is lucky to have you. Let her know that her comment sounded a bit too full of herself and that it brought back some issues you thought had been resolved. After your convo I’d also tell her you need a bit of time to process it all. It might be good for her to remember that YOU get to choose too. Good luck!
I dated a guy who made comments like that, it really put me down and then I found out that he was cheating on me with said coworker. Please do yourself a favor and dump her.
Not saying your gf is cheating on you but people who makes comments like that to their partners are not nice people. It’s a low key way to put others self esteem down, imo. Just not a nice thing to do and there’s gotta be so many other fish in the sea who wouldn’t make you feel this way, ya know? Best of luck with whatever you decide!
You are not overreacting, this is not a thing you say to someone you love.
“HAHA consider yourself out of my life!”
Bro: the audacity of this girl! GET. THE. FUCK. OUT. If you marry her, you’ll be lucky if she doesn’t take the pants you are wearing when she divorces you, and fucks you out of EVERYTHING!
Based off your update I’d split
Was she joking? I think tone matters, personality matters, and it also matters the type of relationship that you have. If it hurt your feelings that’s valid, and you can tell her that, but it doesn’t necessarily mean that she was being cruel. She might have been joking around, and trying to convey in a playful manner that she always picks you over everyone else.
Holy shit, relevant information you omitted OP:
>long story short she cheated on me 2 years ago and I gave her a second chance.
Grow a fucking spine mate, she is telling you that you are lucky she chose you ***THIS TIME***, and that you are “lucky” that she is still a cancer in your life right now.
Throw that garbage in with the dumpster fire she belongs to.
Kind of a shit bag thing to say. Reverse the rolls and she would be bullshit about it, and rightfully so.
Dump her immediately
Depends on tone I think. My wife and I joke with each other like this. We also will respond to compliments teasing. Like if she tells me I’m sexy I just say “I know.” Then a couple laughs and on we go.
At no point does the teasing come as a result of someone else interested…seems like a pretty crappy thing to say after telling the other about being crushed on.
It bothers you therefore you should discuss it with her.
Pretty disrespectful that she brought this all up on your anniversary. Also pretty weird. I wouldn’t want to be with someone who makes me feel like they’re doing me a favor by being with me. Should be a mutual “lucky to have each other”. Red flag along with the cheating.
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I’ve never, I mean never, made a partner feel like I was doing charity work for them. No inside joke, joking demeanor, wise crack, has ever put them down, or made them feel like they were beneath me. I’ve joked about random encounter, like, “I’ll keep you,” but it was never to make them less then me and vice versa.
Scorch earth this asshole. She is seriously the empress of jackasses. You deserve better, bro.
Sounds toxic and like she *does* see you as less than. Given she’s cheated before too I would advise finding someone else man. You deserve to really be (and to genuinely feel) loved.
She’s considering other people.
Dump her ass, she cheated on you bruh what an entitled bitch
She sounds insecure in herself; trying to put you down in order to make herself feel better about herself and more secure. I suggest you tell her your hurt feelings and also maybe ask her questions to help her understand where that comment came from.
It is a weird thing to say but maybe she meant it as a joke?
Does she generally act as if she is settling for you and you have to “prove your worth” through gifts, labor, or submissive behavior?
Whether she meant it as a joke or not, she should be the one considering herself lucky that she got a 2nd chance. Most people who had partners cheat don’t give 2nd chances.
I do consider myself lucky! Lucky to have to have enough patience and self respect to forgive a cheating ho!
She thinks less of you since you gave her another chance after she cheated.
Or you accept that, or break up with her.
I think you may want to cut your losses on this one.
Shitty thing to say when you’re in a LTR with someone, she shouldn’t have gone there with you and with your recent update/edit you mentioned that she cheated. it almost sounds like you were an option and not a prize. know your worth, especially if she was unfaithful, big red flag.
Chicks these days swear they’re a dime piece. It’s wild. Legit nothing to offer but looks that only fade.
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