I (28m) have been dating my gf (29f) for almost 3 years now and I never knew this is something she likes or wants to do. We have always had a very good sex life too. But now I am not sure.
Starting December 1st we will be going on a month long tour of Europe and one stop is Amsterdam. My gf told me last night that she has been researching sex clubs and wants to visit one while we are there. And it blew my mind, I thought we will try new kinds of foods and drinks maybe but visiting a sex club was not even in the realm of possibility for me. And now she wants to visit a sex club. I dont want to do that, I have no interest in watching people have sex or having sex in front of people.
Is this the starting of end for us? Does this show a major incompatibility between us? Help me out here Reddit.
**Edit- I think there is some confusion about my post. She wants to visit a sex club where you go have sex with strangers and leave. She was not talking about watching a live sex show.**
Annnnnd what did she say when you told her how you feel?
Have you spoken to her about it?
Based off of what you said with the post, it sounds like something of mild interest to your gf that she was asking whether you’d be interested in or not. Since you’re clearly not, just tell her that. Setting a boundary for yourself and what you will or won’t tolerate in a relationship isn’t “controlling” of your gf, she’s still free to decide to agree and stay with you, or to disagree and go off on her own to do it as a single woman.
Basically, there isn’t enough insight into the conversation whether to say the two of you are incompatible or not, and you might just be overthinking it too much. But, you won’t know until you talk to your gf about it, so just do that and go from there.
Did you ask her about it or just sit in shock and not communicate?
Is it just a curiosity, or is it something she’s in to? Are there kinks you’re in to that she isn’t that you would want to try?
This needs to be a conversation. You can’t just expect to know her reasons, nor can you expect her to know how you feel right now.
FYI: Amsterdam has a sex museum that is quite fun to go through and does not require attendees to participate in sexual acts. Sex has quite an interesting history!
Just for clarity, most sex clubs in Amsterdam are not the join in type.. they are like cinema’s with some performers on stage and everyone else sat in the audience watching. They’re very common there and sex is one of the main (except the obvious) selling points of the Tourism of Amsterdam.
Talk to her and see what she wants from these sex clubs. does she want to go and watch or does she want to find herself in an orgy?
Talk to her man
Communicate. Why does she want to go? If it’s a turn-on for her, figure out why. It’s not all doom and gloom as you seem to expect it to be. Maybe she just think it will be a fun romp.
get off reddit and communicate with her … literally everyone telling you speak ! express your feelings .. don’t shut her kinks down but try and understand them and talk so she can understand where you are coming from ..
I’ve always been interested in sex clubs. But, my boyfriend isn’t interested at all.
So, I would like to try it, but my bf’s comfort is my top priority. And a part of my attraction to it is just showing off my bf and I wouldn’t want to do it without him. So if he doesn’t wanna do it, then I don’t.
Just because she is more open to the idea doesn’t mean you are incompatible. You don’t know why this intrigues her or what she is thinking because you instantly thought “this is the end” without talking to her. Just talk to her.
I’d say you’re incompatible; but not because of the sex club interest, more so because of communication. Your gf was able to communicate her interest in attending-yet you’re struggling to communicate you disinterest. You haven’t even enquired as to why she wants to go, her disappointment levels if you refuse or if this is even a kink that she’s been suppressing. Talk to her-ask her these questions and let her know your discomfort…..
Tell her you dont want to go. Her reaction will tell you if it’s the end or just a misunderstanding. She might think you would be into that so tell her
If you believe in solely a fully monogamous relationship…
RED FLAG RED FLAG ABORT MISSION
If you are interested in playing he field with a partner, then GREEN LIGHT MEANS GO.
so she wants to go to a swingers club… and you’re not comfortable with it. id talk to her but honestly, that might be the end for me.
It’s fine that you don’t want to and it doesn’t mean that it’s the end of your relationship just because she looked into it or that your sex life is bad. You guys just need to talk about it and discuss how it’s made you feel and what it means for you guys
if it’s the place i think it is, i heard it’s more to watch people do crazy stuff that most people wouldn’t. more of like … a show? like funny idk. either way i think it’s a conversation you need to have with her about why she wants to go and why you don’t.
Tell her no and be done with it.
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The beginning of the end? What? Just say you don’t want to go
She wants to have sex with strangers, so that means she wants to have sex with strangers.
From that you can surely deduce that she would actually want to have sex with strangers.
I don’t get most people here saying “this isn’t a big deal at all”. Well, she does want to have sex with *other people*.
*Other people that are not her boyfriend.
She might as well be already having sex with strangers, because she WANTS TO HAVE SEX WITH STRANGERS.
What specifically does she want to do at the sex club? This seems like a critically important detail.
That’s not something you casually mention to your partner.
Ask her straight up what is it she wants to do, she may be confused about what exactly goes on there.
If she wants to have sex with other people , and you don’t, it’s a good time to split before being overseas
If you are uncomfortable with it and tell her, she still insists on doing it, I’m sorry but you’ve got problems.
I don’t have a gf but if I was in your situation I would be dying inside. Just tell her how you feel about it
You can see how she responds to a fictional proposal about 2 big guys that are in an adjacent office that said they would be a part of a bdsm foursome( include yourself) on her that weekend,sell it well, see what she says, if she agrees and is eager….you got problems she a freak……..
This seems overdramatic. You haven’t even spoken to her about it? Seems like she’s just interested and has been for a while and has thrown it on the table as something fun to do while you’re there. Clearly she’s comfortable with you to even bring it up.
Get out of your head and have an open conversation. Right now the only incompatibility I see is you not communicating with her when she is trying to communicate with you.
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