Bit of background info we have been together for 1.5 years and live together. Everything going well. At the moment I don’t have a car, but usually I would drive my girlfriend to/from work. Since I haven’t had a car she will take a taxi to work in the morning if it is raining.
So the other day she told me she is taking a taxi to work, she seemed a bit hyper/excited about something. But her personality is quite bubbly and excited usually so I didn’t think anything of it.
Later on when I arrived at my work a colleague of mine told me they saw my gf getting into a guys car at the top of my street (5 mins away from our apartment). I think to avoid me seeing her getting in his car.
I have absolutely no issues with her getting a lift to work with another guy, but the fact she lied and said she was getting a taxi, and then walked to the top of the road to meet him has got me a bit suspicious.
What would be the best way to approach this? Should i just directly ask her what’s going on?
Next time she goes for a taxi
Tell her you will walk her to the top of the street. Watch her reaction
>Should i just directly ask her what’s going on?
fucking yes, jesus
Sounds a bit sus to me. Trust your gut. Its usually right.
Has she shown any red flags lately?
Ie- phone usage or hiding her phone.
Weird trips out or nights out
It’s raining just now and she has literally just text saying she will be getting a taxi home, going to wait outside and see what she arrives in.
Ask her which cab company she used and whether the trip was good because you’ve heard mixed reviews about them. I’m kinda curious about whether she is willing to double down and continue to add to her lie. If she continues to lie this approach will mitigate some of the more obvious excuses she might use once you tell her what you know.
It doesn’t matter if it’s really platonic or not. She’s a liar and hiding it from you. That’s a red flag already.
Dude this is not normal for a gf who is faithful. If it’s just a ride she would tell you. Not pretend it’s a taxi. There is some smoke, they could be hooking up behind your back already. Something is going on more then just a friendly ride
Be direct and ask her what has happened. Tell her what’s been told to you and let her come with her answer.
There is a reason she’s lying, and you have since learned it’s happened more than once. Since she’s real life flirty, as you say, I guess she is real life flirting. If it was innocent it would be at the front door.
Does she use the terms “taxi” and “Uber” interchangeably? Maybe she just got an Uber and walked up the street to an easier pick up spot?
EVERYONE’S WAITING FOR A UPDATE.
It’s time to have the loyalty and fidelity talk. Set a serious scene (different location than you have casual chats – maybe sit at the dining table, use good posture with eye contact and slightly forward tilted head, low tone voice, serious expression).
Talk about what kind of loyalty you expect in a committed relationship. Define what you consider emotional cheating. How you act and expect her to act when you feel an initial flutter of attraction with (Eg consciously deciding not to dwell on thoughts of them, and deliberately avoiding being alone with them, having 1:1 conversations, and generally creating distance until the feeling starves and dies).
Then tell her that you will not stay with her if she is disloyal.
Now because you might not have had such a clear and frank discussion before, consider telling her that if she has emotionally cheated in the past you’ll consider forgiving her, but you won’t going forward.
After you’ve defined all this, allow for long pauses. If she doesn’t volunteer anything, you can say “can you tell me about the crush you lied to me about and said was a taxi?” and then just pause and wait her out.
You don’t know where this conversation is going to go, but it sets a firm and unambiguous standard, and opens the dialogue.
Hope it goes well for you.
She was probably helping film for Fake Taxi
Idk if by taxi you mean uber. But sometimes uber will have a different pick up location that you have to walk to. So that’s a possibility.
It doesn’t matter if she is cheating at this point the problem is she is a known liar who doesn’t communicate honestly/can’t be trusted
When someone lies to their significant other, including keeping secrets about someone of the opposite sex, it’s infidelity.
I know it sucks, but thankfully she is JUST your gf and not your wife.
If she’s doing this sort of thing THIS early, I wouldn’t give her a chance to “change.”
Maybe just ASK.
Biggest problem in relationships is communication.
Tell each other all. If you can’t then there is the first red flag. 30 years, we talk, ask, question, communicate and even yell on occasion. It makes for a better relationship
Ask directly. Absent a miscommunication (the cab never showed) there is a big issue. Don’t let people suggest this is not a big deal. They will minimize the behaviour (she only got a ride, ‘can’t she have male friends – you’re so controlling’) and ignore the fact the lying is the issue. Stuff like this is a _huge_ deal. This isn’t a break up post but a warning that such behaviour is relationship break up worthy. People only lie about such things if they have bad intentions – there’s no other reason save one. The other option is you’re so controlling and paranoid that she didn’t feel safe to tell you she was getting a ride from a co-worker. In ether event the relationship has huge issues.
My guess is this one doesn’t have a happy ending. Unless there is a change in course.
updateme!
RemindMe! 1 day
Updateme!
UpdateMe!
Talk to her. As some other have pointed out, as women we tend to call ubers not to our house because there is enough experiences with drivers being creepy, keeping your name, phone and address. Is just a security trick. This might be the case. Anyhow, open honest conversation is needed.
There are people covering for your gf in the comments buddy. If it was innocent, she would have told you the truth. When is the last time you haven’t been doing anything wrong and lied about it?
She’s lying to you and walking in the rain to get a ride from an attractive guy, without you seeing. Texting back free coffees? Lol. Pal. What else do you need to know?
Even if nothing is happening between them, she’s lying to you about other guys. That’s enough for me right there. One time is too many, cuz it’ll just happen again but will be harder to catch the next times until you’ve finally had enough
Backstabbing is my bet. She went out of her way to hide it. She was excited about it. She lied.
Many red flags in a single event. Confront and show you’ll keep your ground for plausible explanations…
That all depends on what information you want and what you’re willing to do with it when you get it. If you want lies then go ahead and call her out today. If you want the truth say nothing right now and start paying closer attention to what she does and who she talks to.
While it’s likely just a lift (at this stage), the alarming part is she’s lying about it. Why? What reason could she have to a) lie and b) cover it up by meeting him at the top of the street in the rain? If she has nothing to hide, why is she hiding it?
Either way, a lie is a breaking of trust. She broke one of the foundation corners of your relationship…for a ride. Lying is honestly breakup worthy to me, I’m very strict about it. I had a partner that lied, gaslit me, and eventually tried to cheat. I refuse to deal with that bullshit again. If you want to see someone else, leave first; it’s that simple. Or talk to me about it. But honesty is a requirement.
Take screenshots of the texts and send them to yourself as proof. Then tell her your colleague saw her getting into another guy’s car, not a taxi. If she tries denying it, bust out the screenshots…and then tell her that you gave her a chance to be honest and she blew it, and now it’s over and she needs to leave.
*Should i just directly ask her what’s going on?*
Well yeah, that would be the adult thing to do.
Your gf is cheating on you. It’s easy to say I am going to carpool with Jim or Dave. But she specifically said taxi. Than she got into someone else’s car. It’s not looking good.
Updateme!
Ask the colleague who saw her whether he can sit at the same spot a couple more times when she’s getting her ‘taxi’ to see if they kiss when she gets in the car
Very very sus. Is already dumpable based on what happened