Sunday, March 26, 2023
HomeRelationship AdviceGirlfriend linking arms and walking with my close friend

Girlfriend [26F] linking arms and walking with my [25M] close friend

So, my girlfriend came to the pub to meet my mates for the first time the other night, generally went great and was a lot of fun.

We left to go get food, I said I’m just running to the corner shop to get some cigs whilst my girlfriend was with my other two friends (we’ll call them John and Mike).

As I left the corner shop, I saw my girlfriend and John linking arms with each other walking toward me, Mike was stood with them. As I came out she let go of John’s arm and ran over to me.

I have said to her I didn’t like it because long story short my ex girlfriend girlfriend cheated on me with my best friend, I found out and lost her and all of my old friendship group, so I have some weird issue with my girlfriends getting close like that to my close friends now.

She said it was nothing, they linked arms crossing the road and just kept doing it not in a malicious way. He has a girlfriend

For some reason this has really bothered me – would you be at all bothered by it or am I being insanely insecure?

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  1. It sounds like seeing this triggered past trauma for you. It makes complete sense you would have adverse feelings to this. If it’s a boundary for you, draw it and move forward from there. If you truly trust your girlfriend and her word (which you should unless she’s given you any other reason not to) then you know this is an internal issue you have to work out with yourself. Not necessarily alone though!

  2. Everything is contextual. We were not there. It does all seem pretty innocent to be honest , but it’s obviously triggered you. Talk to you girlfriend. I’m sure everything will be fine

  3. Your feelings are valid, but because from your description this seems absolutely innocent, it’s something you have to work on. It’s insecure. It was probably even less sus IRL, to be frank.

  4. I think that two things are probably true at the same time:

    1. It’s reasonable and understandable that you were bothered by this. I would be too, in your shoes (and I’ve never been cheated on). You leave for a minute and come back to see your girlfriend walking arm-in-arm with your friend she just met, giving the appearance as if they were a couple. That would be a jarring image.
    2. It was “nothing” in the sense that your girlfriend and friend meant nothing by it and were not trying to do anything inappropriate. They were just trying to get along well together and be friendly, likely because they both care about you.

    Good for you for promptly bringing it up that this bothered you and discussing it maturely. But past that, I don’t think there’s anything more to say. I think you need to just drop it now and not bring it up again unless she does something like this again. If she’s respectful of your feelings around this going forward, then I don’t think there’s an issue. Unless you felt like she was overly defensive or dismissive when you brought it up, making you think that she won’t be considerate of this issue going forward?

  5. If one of my friends’ GFs did this to me the first time we met, I would be uncomfortable. You should tell her again how uncomfortable this makes you and tell her that it’s not “nothing” to you. If she agrees to respect your boundaries, then that’s great. If she belittles your feelings, then you know how she’s always gonna treat you.

  6. Funny how literally today a girl posted a story similar to this, but all of you started supporting her and telling that the guy was a loser.

    Now the rules are reversed and some of you are saying it’s “internal”. I get there are double standards and that, but you’re some fucking hypocrites. This ain’t extrovert shit and neither anything.

    Op just think about it yourself. Ask a close person about advice. Don’t ask redditors this shit. Ain’t going do you any favor.

    If you see it’s malicious, well decide whether you want to be poisoned like that and disrespected, or whether you can talk it out. You’re your own person and unfortunately only you have your own best interest in mind.

    The only thing that I can do is wish a cool head and the wisdom to find the answers to your conundrum.

    So i wish you that and I wish you good luck.

  7. You need to let this go. implementing restrictions on innocent things because of what your ex did is not gonna work out well for you.

    You can’t control people so you don’t have to sort out your uncomfortable feelings or to prevent ever getting hurt again. But you can *definitely* drive people away trying.

  8. > am I being insanely insecure

    Yes, kind of.

    Look at it from your partner’s perspective. Single ladies are at higher risk of harassment at night, standing outside a shop or walking down the street. By looking like she’s close to another guy, she’s protecting herself from randos.

    I’ve been in line outside restaurants and such with friend’s wives, and yeah they stand close, because they know what happens if they appear unattached.

  9. I can chime in a bit from your friends perspective.

    An old ex-gf of a good friend of mine was close with all the friend group, platonically she never tried it on anyone other than my friend, her bf. One night all the group and their SOs were bar hopping.

    After we left the first bar I was just walking a little ahead of the group, it was cold and I wanted to keep moving, and the ex-gf came up to me and linked her arm with mine.

    We just chatted about Joker for a couple minutes, i got teased for being a flirt, and then we arrived at the next bar. We unlinked arms and the night went on.

    All this to say that if your friend has a gf then chances are this was also platonic on all sides. But ultimately you have had a bad experience with a cheating ex-gf. As for advice I’d reiterate to your gf why this bothered you and how you would like to tackle future potentially similar interactions moving forward.

  10. She dropped his arm and ran to you. Nothing wrong with this. But I get it. You’ve got to face and overcome the insecurity or she will find a guy who isn’t insecure. I’d suggest letting it go and processing your insecurities with a friend or counselor.

  11. It sounds like you are projecting your past trauma into this relationship. That’s not healthy. It’s why therapy is always recommended before entering into a new relationship when something like this happened in a previous relationship.

    It sounds like it was innocent, you don’t want to be the controlling partner who forbids their SO from touching a member of the opposite sex to them.

    Talk to her about how it makes you feel, then listen to her POV. There is a middle ground here. I still recommend therapy to help you deal with your trust issues.

  12. This is their first time meeting. I wouldn’t be comfortable with it either. I can only think of one situation where this “might” be exceptional. Was she wearing heels? Bad ground/potholes? Then again when she say you, she let go and ran towards you gives me the impression that helping her walk and keep balance wasn’t the case.

    Next time your with Little Johnny, hold his girlfriends arms too.

  13. Give yourself a break, it triggered you for obvious reasons. I had a best friend cheat with my GF a long time ago and it really sucks. It’s a double-whammy betrayal and it leaves deep scars.

    So, work on this with your GF. It sounds like you told her why it set you off. You need to get to the point where you truly trust her, and that takes time.

  14. Do not let your past dictate your future. She is a different girlfriend, he is a different friend. That seemed benign. Your insecurities sow resentment and then she will not act natural because she will worry that it is going to upset you. Let it slide mate.

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