Friday, March 24, 2023
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girlfriend is going on a week long trip in an RV to a music festival with a guy that she’s had a sexual relationship with. more details in the body.

She is going on a trip with a guy that she’s had a sexual relationship with in the past. We are in a monogamous relationship. Normally I wouldn’t sweat it. But I know that they’ve had sex in the past, and she admitted that to me months ago before we started dating. Now she’s saying it never happened and that they’ve always been friends.

She was mad at me last night because I didn’t talk to her before bed( I was asleep, but she didn’t know that) so she agreed to go to a festival with a guy that she has had a sexual relationship with in the past. And might I also mention she agreed to this at the bar( I have no probelm with her going to the bar at all) but to put it in context, she ONLY goes to the bar when she is mad at me. (Red flag) So she agreed to go on this trip with a guy while she was upset at me. She barley has any time for me at all because of grad school(which I’m also understanding of and encourage her to stay focused on) but yet she can clear out a schedule to go out of town with a guy for a whole week.

If it were me doing this instead, im 100% that she woudlnt be cool with it at all. She would FLIP.

Writing all this out just made me realize that I probably need to just break it off. I still would like to hear people’s input.

I’m very understanding with my significant other. I’m not the jealous type at all. It never palys well to be the jealous type, I’m very secure in myself. But the thing that bugs me is that she did this in what seems to be passive aggressive action.( she does act passively aggressive with me very often) and that if it were me doing this, she WOULD NOT be cool with it.

So there’s a double standard there
She lied about not having sex with him.
She agreed to go on this trip while mad at me
Send she wouldn’t be cool with it if it were me doing this.

There’s more context to all this, but it’s very very hard to explain.

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  1. dude just break up with her, she goes to the bar drinking if shes mad and lives with double standards with relationship expectations she isnt a good gf to have

  2. The lie switch is a cover. No my man, you just break up. Arguing about it will resolve nothing obviously. She’s going to go and trying to stop her is juvenile. You can do better and find someone that actually respects an adult relationship. Good luck.

  3. > I know that they’ve had sex in the past, and she admitted that to me months ago before we started dating. Now she’s saying it never happened and that they’ve always been friends.

    When stories start changing, especially before an event where the relevance of those stories is a thing, well, you know where that’s going.

  4. At your next opportunity, you need to bring up her planned trip and tell her that you hope she has a really fantastic time, and that you hoped the trip was worth it, because when she gets back from the trip she will need to find a new place to live, and that maybe she should arrange for new living quarters before the trip, so she won’t be in disarray when she gets back.

    I predict that she will “gain altitude and attitude” quickly, but refuse to be drawn into a screaming argument, but remain calm and assertive, and simply state that the expiration date on the relationship you and she had shared had simply arrived, and that you were no longer willing to put up with her passive/aggressive disposition, as it had achieved “critical mass”, and now outweighed her positive attributes. You might even offer to help her pack, if you’re really feeling generous, but be unbending in your decision.

    I wish you well.

  5. > There’s more context to all this, but it’s very very hard to explain.

    Not needed, her going to a festival with a guy she has had sex with is just a hard no. Especially given they’ll be sharing sleeping accommodations while also drinking.

    On top of that, she is lying to you about having had sex with him.

    I think you’re best off just ending this relationship if this is her reaction to a disagreement you didn’t even know you had.

  6. Lmaooooo. Dude. Come on now. She’s gaslighting you saying they never had sex before she’s about to spend a week with him alone. She’s gonna spend that week fucking him and then act like you’re crazy.

  7. Thank you everyone. I just needed to know I’m not acting rash.
    As someone who used to freak out due to my own insecurities, im scared to act out of jealousy and make the same mistakes ive made in the past. I try to be the guy that gives girls their space. But I feel as of this is to much space.

    I’m terrified of acting jealous or irrational. I try to be patient and understanding instead.

    But i knew this didn’t feel right. I’m scared to mess up and act like your typical insecure/controlling guy. I want to have better relationships. It’s hard not giving into your emotions. But today I’m 100% not on that page anymore.

    I’m going to talk to her tonight and see how she acts.

  8. No matter how you slice and dice this, there is one pertinent fact that you need to consider. She is not exactly a great long term prospect for you.

    So take that how you want but at it’s most basic level, why waste your time with someone who is not going to be around for the long haul?

  9. I rarely say this after reading these but holy shit if you have any self respect you should dump her cause she’s gonna get railed by this guy on their trip bro

  10. Am I hearing this correctly, you “normally wouldn’t sweat it” if your gf was staying in an RV with some dude for a week at a music festival?

    Whether she had sex with him in the past or not isn’t even relevant, simply proposing this situation is enough to question the relationship if you’re monogamous. You got a lot to learn about the world.

  11. You’re in a monogamous relationship you’re girlfriend is not. It sucks man. I’ve been there and I know it’s hard to admit the truth but the sooner you accept it the happier you will be. Even if she isn’t hooking up with him she wants you to think she is. She is mindfucking you to get even. The problem with that is it will always be in the back of your mind and you will never know. She might get mad at you and tell you she fucked him but when she calms own she will say she just said that because she was mad. What’s the truth here? To be home the truth here is irrelevant. You either want to spend your life being mindfucked or you can find someone who respects you. The choice is yours and yours alone to make.

  12. So much wrong here: lying, gaslighting, petty passive aggressiveness. Why would you want to deal with this on top of her not making much time for you? Finding someone who acts vindictive, trashy and childish is easy. Find someone actually worth your time and attention.

  13. At first I thought she had these plans before she started dating you, and I was like, ehhh.

    She made these plans recently?! Leave here, save yourself the headaches man. You need someone to respect you

  14. It’s not complicated. She does not respect you. (Probably doesn’t respect herself but that’s another low self esteem story. ) She uses you for emotional and probably other support while looking for something else. Break it off and put it in the trash.

  15. Her behavior is abusive. You are in an abusive relationship. Ghost her while she’s off this weekend dating her Ex.
    Block this trash on everything.

    You can’t change her. Just run.

  16. Brother if your girl goes on a vacation with a guy she’s slept with in the past that’s a wrap. Dump her because she’s gonna fuck this guy, and even if she didn’t what a massive sign of disrespect. You’re not being jealous or possessive, she is overstepping a line.

  17. She’s purposely picking fights to be mad at you so she can excuse her poor behavior. As you said you barely see her, so what’s the point of staying with her? Sounds like her getting mad/doing stupid things is escalating. You might as well get out now.

  18. I’ve been married for 18 plus dating tome whoch puts me in the 22 year experience. Add that what I have observed from friend and fsmilys relationships with their spouse. Here is an undeniable fact. There will be fights and there will be disagreements in your relstionship. Yes, multiple. No, fight dont have to go to the level of trading punches but they can get very heated. You learn to manage arguments better with time and experience. Why do I say all of this. Well, of she is going to wall out and go to the bar every time there is a disagreement the relationship is NOT going to work. Simply put she will end up cheating and thats a guaranteed given enough time. The fact that she booked a trip out of anger should not only be a red flag, there should be air raid sirens going off.

    One thing everybody with atvleast half a brain cell will agree that once you elevate your relationship to a serious monogamlus one there is no such thing of I’m going to the festival with some other dude. That rule applies for all sexes. Now, there are occasions were this situation is possible and legal like fornexample I have hanged out on occasion with my sister in law or enteetained a female friend of my wife that stayed the night and it was just me and her. But for that to happen there has to be trust, comfort and agreement. If I was gling to hang out with another women regardless of the reason and my wife said she doesn’t feel comfortable with me doing that then I dont hang out with that woman and thats the end of that conversation. I don’t even question it or protests. No she doesn’t feel comfortable and as hee husband it is my duty to put her first before any other woman. The opposite its also true.

    My advice to you is to tell her that you dont feel comfortable with her going tonthe festival. Note, I said festival. I didn’t even mentioned the guy cause she can say she is not going with the guy and just meet him there. Anyways if she doesn’t cancel or offer for you to come to the fesrival too then dump her. Why? What she is saying is that her partying is more important than her partners feelings. The I do what I want whennInwant bullshit doean’t fly when you are in a commited relarionship. Once you enter a commited relationship you have to abide by certain rules. You can no longer behave as if you were single. The oh but I already paid for the ticket is also a bullshit excuse. You can always make more money later.

    Thats all part of being an adult and being in a commited relationships. Once you start a family it will become.even more clear. For example, you are goingbti an event you have been looking forward for 2 mknths. You are on your way there and suddenly your kid gets sick and vomits. Yep, thats when you turn the car arouns and go home. Thats what it means to be in a commited relationship. Its a team event not an individual event.

  19. It’s funny because you called her your girlfriend

    You know that you are actually the last thing on her mind

    I would say more like a girl that you know who does what she wants with who ever she wants

  20. “So. You were mad at me, went to the bar to meet up with your boyfriend to drink and likely hookup, made plans with him to travel in his RV to go to a concert and hookup some more, all out of petty revenge on me. You tell me you had sex with him in the past, and when I call you out on it, you backpedal and change the narrative to ‘you’re just friends’…… Yeah, well, see ya!!!! You and your feck buddy have a good life, I’m going to go improve myself without your interference.”

  21. Kudos to you for being so trusting of your gf to go on a trip with a guy she has a sexual history with, where she’ll be in an environment filled with binge drinking and debauchary but definitely won’t be partaking in herself.

    Obviously I’m full of sarcasm. Dude, not only is the situation messed up, but she’s already shown enough red flags. Maybe time to move on?

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