Thursday, March 23, 2023
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Girlfriend wants me to pay for every meal and it’s getting tiring. Advice?

My girlfriend and I have been dating for almost 10 months. To make a long story short, I pay for every meal that we have. Whether we go out to dinner or eat at home, I’m the one who picks up the tab. The other night she wanted to make something to eat at home and instead of getting the groceries on her way home, she had me go get them at the store before I came over. She also wants to go on dates multiple times per week so going out to dinner or whatever we do get expensive. I do make a higher salary than she does, but still, she could at least offer to pay sometimes. A couple weeks ago we went to chipotle for dinner and she went through line before I did. I saw her paying while I was still finishing up in line and started to thank her, but then she said “oh I didn’t pay for you, I just got mine.” That kind of rubbed me the wrong way. Is this typical?

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  1. Jesus h man, you’re being used for free food and drink. Buddy, find some self-respect and dignity by finding a woman that will reciprocate your generosity, not live off of it. I don’t mean to be mean or anything but damn dude…

  2. > then she said “oh I didn’t pay for you, I just got mine.”

    The next time you go out to eat together, don’t pay for hers, just get yours. When she gets mad, tell her that same line.

    But really, it’s prolly better to do the open honest, direct, respectful communication thing. “Stephanie, 98% of the time we’ve been together, I’ve paid for everything we eat. This makes me feel X. Moving forward, I’d like to change to a more equitable system where we either take turns or zelle each other a reimbursement.” If she throws a fit, then end the relationship.

  3. Definitely talk with her and tell her how you feel. Either you’re getting used unabashedly and the relationship will end, or she’s naive and will be understanding and she’ll start offering to pay.

    From what you’ve said, it sounds like she literally goes out of her way to make you pay for everything.

  4. Putting this bluntly. You’re being used. Are you just going to be a doormat for the rest of your life?
    My GF and I, from very early on in our relationship (3 months in) have a joint account that we both put into on a regular basis from our pay. We use that when we go out. But it is not uncommon that either of us will pay from our own accounts too. If the need arises.
    Dump this user. She only sees you as a ATM.

  5. It’s typical if you are ok with being taken advantage of. That’s all. Stop paying.
    Your girlfriend is a useless sack of meat. Find someone better.

  6. Some women think it’s the guy’s role to pay and they believe they are to be paid for their company. But she is over the top. I might ask her.” Hey I’d feel better/more comfortable if you can pay or cook me dinner half the time. Whaddya say?”
    If she balks, adios.

  7. “Hey I’ve been thinking about it, and I think from now on, we should split the cost of meals. I make twice as much salary as you, so I’ll pay for 2/3 and you can pay for 1/3 in order to keep it fair to what we can afford.”

  8. I wouldn’t tell her how you feel. I don’t, honestly, think she cares how you feel, anyway. This isn’t rocket science, she knows she’s a leech. Just create an equitable arrangement on who pays what/when and tell her that’s how it’s going to be. She disagrees, do what you feel you’ve got to do. I think opening up about feelings on something like this will just devalue you. For example, if she slapped you or cheated or did any other thing that is self-evidently disrespectful, would you whine about feelings or would you lay down the law? Leeching is disrespectful. She knows it. Don’t make yourself vulnerable with talk about feelings. I imagine she’d respect you even less afterwards.

  9. I would have thought – a lot of girls still expect guys to pay for everything, but that episode where she only paid for herself is really sketchy. That’s what’s telling me she doesn’t care much about you

  10. Please read and re-read advice given to you and apply them.

    She’s giving men a bad impression of women. It’s time women stand up to this bad behavior. What ever happened to those strong and independent women?

  11. Have a convo. Make a plan. My partner and I (and my friends and I) swap who pays each time we go out.

    I buy the majority of the groceries and do most of the cooking at home but when we are out? We swap.

  12. This is really unfair to you. I don’t know how you would fix it, without it getting really complicated. I think you eat out to often to be the only one paying. Dutch to me is fair. Add the tip to your share to make up for her lesser income. Good luck

  13. Congratulations. You’re dating a leech. Don’t expect it to get better. Entitlement is as entitlement does,and she doesn’t know how to share. What’s yours is hers and what’s hers is hers. Run, don’t walk, out of the relationship and don’t look back.

  14. I think you should just speak honestly with her about how you feel. “This is getting expensive for me, and I would really appreciate if you put in more effort towards paying for some of our dates” works if you want to say it without being snarky.

  15. Damn, that’s inappropriate of her. You should have some self-respect and stop paying for everything. Try to talk to her directly about your concern, say how you feel being used, and analyze her reaction and words that will come after. If the discussion ends up well, I advise you to use some apps for couples ([Tiddle](, for ex.) so that you both will be aware of concerns and worriofes each other right at the moment, not after some long time (as in this case).

    And if the discussion will lead to an argument and she decides not to reconsider her behavior, then you should definitely dump her., for ex.) so that you both will be aware of concerns and worries each other right in the moment, not after some long time (as in this case).

  16. You need to bring this up with her, but not when you’re out to try to make a point. Tell her that you don’t mind going out but you do mind always paying, including groceries. I would perhaps suggest a compromise, at least to start off with, that you take turns? And the person paying chooses the venue. That way, it’s up to you if you want to ‘treat’ the two of you to something more expensive but also up to her if she wants to save up a bit to do that on her turn.

    Then, when you do go out, confirm before you go and certainly before you order whose turn it is to pay. Maybe even confirm in the morning or the day before what the dinner plans are to address the shopping issue, I.e. who’s turn it is to go to the store on the way home. It seems like your problem after the last time you had the discussion was no follow through from you – you just rolled over and accepting paying again.

    Your line in a comment about her saying she could pay sometimes but couldn’t afford anywhere fancy really struck me. It’s her who wants to go out several times a week and, when questioned, she pretty much admitted to letting you pay because she wants to go to places she can’t afford. And then blatantly paying for herself and not for you, despite you having a conversation before about this exact issue – in all honestly, she sounds as though she the type of woman who expects to be ‘kept’, that the man should pay without looking for any equity in the issue. The mindset is ‘your money is ours but my money is mine’.

    I think her response will show you where her mind is – she’ll see your side, accept that it’s unfair and try to make a change or she’ll double down, focus on the fact that you earn more and should be treating her- and show you whether it’s you or your money that she’s interested in.

    I think you need seriously make a decision about whether, if it comes down to it, if she’s pushed on the issue and doesn’t show herself in the best light, you are willing to let the relationship go. Because it’s always a possibility – she may take the situation seriously and realise that she’s treating you unfairly, or it may go the other way and you’ll need to decide whether you’re willing to be treated like that. But you need to have the conversation in a setting outside of the issue, and you need to follow through if you want to see a change.

  17. It’s not typical at ALL. I have a hard time letting my boyfriend treat me to meals out without thinking if a way to give him my half. Most of the time we take it in turns.

    If you really like her and want to keep seeing her, you could say hey, I love our dates and I love treating you to dinner but I love to feel treated too sometimes. How about our next date night, YOU take me out?

    It’s about the gesture and feeling considered and looked after more than who earns what.

    Saying this, if it’s been 10 months and she hasn’t yet… OP there are plenty of women who enjoy gifting their partners and sharing date night bills!!

  18. You’re being used lol

    Basically you’re paying for sex really, if you’re cool with it carry on, If not talk to her

    Honestly though, I’d rather just split up and find someone who actually respects me

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