Sunday, March 26, 2023
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Girlfriend’s boss invited himself over

As the title says, I recently returned home after being away for a work trip and found out that my girlfriend’s boss had invited himself over to our house while I was away (girlfriend was WFH).

I’ve never met the boss and he has never been to our house before. It was under the guise of keeping my girlfriend company while a repairman was at our house. My girlfriend declined his offer to come to our house, but she doesn’t think it’s a big deal and that it was just a moment of poor judgement from her boss.

It seems extremely suspicious to me and I feel fairly certain he was trying to make something happen with my girlfriend. I should also mention the boss is married with two young kids. Am I being too protective or is this exactly what it looks like?

Edit: To clarify, the boss did not actually come over to our house (he just offered to come over and my girlfriend said no).

Edit 2: One last clarification – I only found out this happened a month or so later. She didn’t tell me at the time

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  1. So he knew a repairman was coming and offered, and he accepted “no” for an answer?

    That sounds like something some people would do while honestly thinking they were being helpful.

    I would just let it pass and see if he tries anything else. Trust your gf to turn him down if he suggests anything else you would consider inappropriate.

  2. I wouldn’t worry about it for now. She probably complained about having to deal with the repairman and he offered to help, then took no for an answer. Chances are he was just being nice and hoped she’d say no. Don’t overthink it.

  3. Yeah, it’s not that big of a deal. A repairman was coming over and unfortunately there is a precedent of servicemen being creeps or highly dismissive towards women. Her boss offered to come over to mitigate that. She said no and that was that.

    If it becomes a pattern, absolutely, then be worried. Otherwise, give him the benefit of the doubt.

    EDIT: Also, to anyone reading, the boss **DID NOT** drop by unannounced and he did not “invite himself” over. I imagine OP said those things to have folks here empathize with him.

  4. You’re being intentionally misleading and blowing this way out of proportion.

    She was having a repairmen come to her home while you were away. Not everyone especially women feel safe with having a stranger in their home whilst their alone. It sounds like her boss offered to be there as a safety measure. Even if she’d said yes, it still feels totally harmless.

    There are types of people that think men and women can’t be friends or men only want to f*ck their friends; don’t be that person

  5. Misleading he never “Invited himself over” he offered to stand by while the repair man works and when declined he left it at that. Friendly boss sure was he trying to make something happen maybe so maybe not.

    Just watch for other weird occurrences that’s Strike 1 of 2. Till 2 just assume it was a nice gesture that was maybe over board. I wouldn’t think much of it.

  6. Depends certainly weird to invite yourself over even after declining for sure but he could’ve mean well but seem like he’s trying something or maybe it is what it seems but nothing wrong with being a little sussed out and being protective nothing wrong with that

  7. >he just offered to come over and my girlfriend said no.

    Did she say to him that she was nervous about having a repairman over while you were gone? Honestly, seeing as this is an isolated incident, I don’t think it’s that big of a deal. You may be overreacting here. Sounds like he was just trying to be helpful, I’ve done the same thing for single female friends before.

    I’m a strong 6 ft tall woman but even I get a bit uncomfortable being alone with random repairmen in my home. I didn’t feel that way when I lived in an affluent suburban neighborhood where nothing ever happened and many people didn’t even lock their doors. Since moving to Los Angeles, my perspective has shifted big time. Her boss may be coming from the view of someone who’s dealt with living in high-crime areas, so he’s a bit more cautious about those things.

  8. So he suggested that he comes over, and didn’t when his suggestion was declined? That’s not really “inviting himself over.” I’d say it’s weird because he’s trying to be too friendly as a boss, but wouldn’t necessarily ready romantic intentions into it

  9. Well, maybe he was being fatherly. I don’t know in what context the offer was made but I wouldn’t think anything of one instance of your gf boss offering to come over while a repairman was there. And she said no and he didn’t press her?

    I think you are over reacting.

  10. It looks very inappropriate. He is either clueless or trying to seem like a savior in an attempt to pull one over. Does your boss do other things that are underhanded or is he really clueless?

  11. Everyone is saying your right the boss is wrong. The dude did not come over and offered to come when a repairman is there… it seemed like a nice nothing gesture, one he was unlikely to follow through on… if he came to ur house that would be weirder, but the offer seems like a nothing burger.

  12. I dont know if I am being naive, but I rather think that your boss invited himself other just in case the repairman turns out to be a rapist or something, atleast that seems the most logical option.

  13. While it’s a little weird I wouldn’t say it’s totally unreasonable it was just a kind gesture. I know my ex wife and my sister both hate repair guys coming without having me there with them.

  14. It sounds like it was only while the repairmen was at the house, and he may have been genuinely concerned that the repair person would try to scam her if she is not experienced in such matters. She said it wasn’t necessary, he said fine, and that sounds like the end of it.

  15. Uh? So your girlfriend is surrounded by people who care about her safety and you find it weird? She might’ve let show she was uncomfortable with an unknown man coming to the house while you’re gone and he offered to come to make sure she’s safe. Seriously reading too much into a *nice gesture*. This sounds very insecure and borderline paranoiac.

  16. Your GF is partially right. It was horrible judgement. Did the boss actually COME to your house?

    Any future overtures like this might merit a “Thank You” to his wife for her generosity in allowing her husband to protect your GF.

    I doubt he told her what a swell guy he is.

  17. Huh? If there is no other context available, then it sounds like you’re making a big deal out of nothing.

    Boss offered to be present with a repairman coming over while you were away, girlfriend declined, he accepted. And that is….the end of the story ?

    I think you’ll all be ok.

  18. Just wondering……How did boss man know you were away? How did boss man know there was a repair man coming over and when? How did boss man know where you live? Boss man seems too familiar with your girlfriend’s personal details. A few red flags short of a Chinese airport.

  19. Given the information in the post, it seems inappropriate of boss to make that offer, but she said no and he accepted it. Problem solved. You’re being overprotective. She clearly handled the issue, and she knows her boss better than you.

    Drop it and work on understanding that your gf can handle this herself.

  20. I think you’re overreacting. He was probably just genuinely offering to help her feel safe while a stranger was in her home doing repairs. As long as he wasn’t pushy about it and respected her I don’t know why you’d think otherwise. You don’t include any background that would suggest it. Your gf not telling you isn’t weird either because he didn’t come over.

  21. The only problem I see is that she did detect he was trying to make a move. She’s either naive or she trickle truthing. Not sure why people are pretending he wasn’t making a move.

  22. Spot on partner. Declined his offer.

    What she needs to do if he hits on her in a work setting is ask about his wife and kids. How are they etc.

    My wife was asked out while we attended a high class black tie event in London. I was talking to somebody of note and she was behind me, I heard one of the people in the group ask her if she’d like to come out on a date. I just carried on chatting to this extremely interesting guy. He’d lived a thousand lives. In the background I hear my wife say “oh no sorry I’m married and my husband is right here”.

    He later apologised to me for asking her out. I just smiled and said apology accepted. He wasn’t to know as we didn’t have our rings on for some reason or another. We are like that to be fair.

  23. unless your GF expressed concern to the boss about repairmen being at the house, totally suspect. If she casually mentioned that she couldn’t do a Zoom, let’s say, at 3 p.m. because of a home repair appointment and he immediately said “Oh, that’s not safe. I’ll come over to stay with you until they’re gone”, that’s nuts. What does the GF think about this now that she knows you’re freaked out?

  24. You didn’t mention ages, employment longevity, or formal/casual company, but in the history of boss/employee relationships, it is strange. I bet his wife would find it strange.

  25. This sounds to me like the boss hitting on her, trying to get a fling started, and being pushy about it to boot.

    She said no and he was probably like “oh haha I wasn’t serious lol” even though he would have come over had she said yes.

    Support your girlfriend in the future if this happens, ask her if he’s pressuring her or being creepy. It’s hard to be able to stand up to one’s superior

  26. Was the repair job work related?

    If so then I could see how he would want to be there.

    If not, then they were clearly talking beforehand outside work hours. I’d keep that in mind for the future.

  27. It’s exactly what it looks like.

    Your girlfriend doesn’t want you to think it’s a big deal because she recognizes it for what it is- that her boss has a thing for her.

    That means she can use his crush on her to her advantage in her career. If you start making a big stink about that, it’s going to blow up and she won’t be able to use it to her advantage.

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