Sunday, March 26, 2023
HomeRelationship AdviceHe looked through my phone while I was asleep

He looked through my phone while I was asleep

My ex/sort of bf looked through my phone whilst I was asleep. He knew my passcode from years ago and I (stupidly) never changed it.

I switched my phone completely off before I went to sleep and left it on the bedside table. When I woke up, I found my phone switched on and placed under my pillow. I asked him if he had been on my phone to which he denied at first, and then said that he only went on my phone to log on to his Snapchat account as it hasn’t been working on his phone (which is true, as far as I’ve seen). Now a part of me feels like he has gone through my entire phone, texts, emails, bank accounts (it’s the same pin as my phone) , pictures. Basically everything.

I feel so violated and embarrassed. Like heavy on the embarrassed because the personal shit on my phone??? I’m so upset and angry rn. I really really want to forget it happened but I can’t, I just feel so exposed. I feel like there is someone who now knows pretty much every single thing about me, things I couldn’t bare anyone else to know. I feel so overwhelmed about it all. Who knows, he has probably even seen this Reddit account and is reading this now.

He says he didn’t do anything at all other than go on Snapchat, he could be lying or he might not be but really it’s just his word for it and his words do not hold much weight after previous actions. I literally just wanna delete everything on my phone, looking back at everything and just knowing that he has seen them makes me want to die.

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  1. You definitely should change your passwords. And never make your banking pin the same as your phone pin. That’s a great security risk.

    You’re completely valid in how you feel. My partner and I are both comfortable with sharing phones, but we still ask each time we want to borrow the other person’s phone out of respect for their privacy.

  2. If you have an android you can look at your app history for the day and see if certain apps have been accessed, what time and for how long.

    Settings -> Digital Wellbeing -> Screen Time

    You can click on each app on the list and it will have a more detailed view (the time(s) of use for the day, how long, how many times accessed, etc).

    I’m guessing if you have an iPhone it will have a similiar feature somewhere?

    I hope this helps!

  3. Not much you can do now but damage control.

    Change passwords, obviously. Not just the ones for every app on your phone, but for anything else that uses a similar password.

    Check sent messages etc to see if he forwarded anything to himself. Deleted ones too. Check history on your apps to see if he impersonated you.

    And obviously never associate with this person again. Any pretense that he was just using the phone for a second is ridiculous. He already lied about using it at all.

  4. >I asked him if he had been on my phone to which he denied at first

    He lied until he knew you knew. So he came up with a reason. If his actions had been innocent, he wouldn’t lie.

    Ex BF?

    Change all passwords, codes, and make sure there are no new apps that you didn’t add

  5. Possible he’s cheated and knows how easy it is to do so he’s now paranoid that you could have? That is the number 1 reason someone checks their partners phone whilst they are asleep.

  6. I don’t get what was so important that while getting ready for bed he just had to check his Snapchat after you were asleep at that moment and without asking. I’d say (assuming you’re off and on or having a break) his curiosity took over and wanted to see all you’ve talked to or hooked up with if you have. If not together yeah that’s an invasion of privacy, I guess he got his answer. I’d change your password if I were you.

  7. For your ease of mind, look to see if there is any activity on your phone that you did not do. Then change passwords and passcodes, even on your email addresses. It is not normal behavior for one person to be on anyone else’s device especially without permission. The one of the only ways to ensure that you are safe (even online) by those you have the most contact with is if they ask your permission every time they want to use your device.

  8. Well you don’t know 100% for sure that he went through everything, although it is suspicious that he’d wait to do it until you were sleeping. If you have an iPhone (don’t know if android has this feature as well) you could check the screen time & see what apps were opened/ used during the night & for how long if that would help ease your mind.

    Obviously the next step would be to change your passwords. If you do it without mentioning anything to him, you’ll know if he was trying to go through anything again if he brings it up or says anything.

  9. My SO and I always knew each others passwords for the phone only really for if one of use was driving and we needed to send a text for the other person or whatever. I’m not sure what you’re hiding in your phone that you’d be so embarrassed about.. but If there’s no trust there’s no relationship. He definitely shouldn’t have gone on your phone without your permission and you shouldn’t have to feel like you need to hide things and change your passcode.

  10. What do you keep on your phone that you are so embarrassed of? I think a lot of people go through each other’s phones believe it or not. It probably won’t be the last… Before it locks up again he has a chance to look at it. I think it’s messed up you have so much to hide. I delete my reddit posts in case this ever happens to me.

  11. > Now a part of me feels like he has gone through my entire phone, texts, emails, bank accounts (it’s the same pin as my phone) , pictures. Basically everything.

    You are spiraling.

    For all you know he might really have just done what he said. Or even if he snooped, there is no reason to believe he did aaaaaall of those things you listed.

    Of course he shouldn’t have touched your phone in the first place.

  12. I think you are over reacting. If he had gone through your phone and checked out all your sex videos and stuff he would have put it back on the nightstand, switched off. Unless he’s an idiot. Is he an idiot?

  13. Happens to guys all the time m, he wasn’t wrong at all he was just trying to make sure that your the person that you say you are guy get played all the time too, most ppl forget that tho though..

  14. Change your passwords, change your account passwords to biometrics/password manager, I’d personally ask to see his phone to see if he sent anything of yours to his phone while you slept.

    Some socials/app will show a last recent log in kind of thing, that might help see if you were active while you slept. Also, were you logged into snap when you woke up? Would he know your password to log back in? I’m not super familiar if snap has a dual account log in.

  15. Idk if this was post about girl going thru a guys phone while he was sleeping to see if he was cheating y’all would be backing it up. Ppl can be paranoid about stuff and do stuff like snoop you never heard of that before? There’s a double standard on stuff like this. Yes it’s wrong if there’s no trust then y’all shouldn’t be in a relationship. I say just talk about it and see where you can go from there.

  16. Change your passwords and rethink this whole situation. If he’s only a ‘kind of bf’ and it’s problematic then there shouldn’t be this kind of trouble, if you know what I mean

  17. I did the same thing with my ex. I found out she cheated and the baby wasn’t mine ( she was pregnant at the time ). Looking at her phone helped me dodge massive bullet. May be wrong and violating your privacy but hey it’s whatever.

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