Sunday, March 26, 2023
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How can you leave someone you love?

In summary, I’m in a long-term relationship. My first one. We’re both adults.

He’s perfect on the outside, loyal, charming, disciplined, ambitious and everything else.

We have fun together but I also didn’t have any boundaries at the start. I didn’t know what I needed nor did I have any expectations. I’ve grown and reflected a lot and I’ve changed a lot to better my mental health. I now know what I want and need a relationship. I’ve expressed this of course but I can’t keep changing or invalidating my feelings to suit him in my life.

Deep down I know he’s not the one for me. I know I deserve to be loved as much as I love them. I deserve the little surprises, I deserve the little efforts that I also give to him. I deserve to have my doors opened, I deserve to be shown off. I know how I might be dramatic but I’m trying to be vague

I thought I had to accept how different our love languages are but it’s more than that. We have different values and different outlooks on life.

I love him. But every time I try to end things I keep going back.

This shit is hard and idk how to go about it

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  1. Sometimes you can love someone with your whole heart and soul, but still have to leave them for your own sanity. I left my bf almost two years ago, even though I was very much in love with him, because he relapsed on meth. I offered to help him, he didn’t want that, I would never be able to fill the void, his trauma was too much for either of us. He didn’t want rehab, he didn’t want therapy, he is a good guy but his addiction was too big and without professional help, he won’t recover. I still have love for him, and hope he overcomes his demons, but as Goyte says he’s “someone that I used to know” OP, you need to do what is best for you, even if it hurts. Good luck

  2. It sounds like you already know what you want, that’s step number one. Now you just need to act on it. It’s not easy, but all you can do is just DO it. Explain that you don’t want to be in the relationship anymore, talk about it, but stay firm. When you are in the middle of it, sometimes you can second guess yourself or your feelings. Don’t! Don’t be convinced to change your mind. Just keep saying “I want to break up”.

    I ended a serious relationship a couple years back, and that conversation was the hardest part. But afterward, I felt so free and excited about the future!

  3. First of all, I’m proud that you know what you deserve and want. A lot of people lose themselves or forget to also prioritize themselves in a relationship.

    However, before you end things, have you sat down and had a real serious conversation about what you’re feeling?

  4. I’ve come to learn that love from another is never guaranteed but love from ourselves is. Once I learned to love my faults, my reasons for doing what I DO, love me the way I always wanted to be loved, it was easier to see what I did NOT love.

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