Sunday, March 26, 2023
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How do I (23F) tell my boyfriend (30M) that his comedy is bad

My boyfriend has recently gotten into stand up comedy, and he loves it which is great! He has met a lot of cool people and has been doing open mics for a couple months now. The only thing is, he isn’t very good.

Now I know people need practice before they’re good at anything and comedy is one of them, but I get second hand embarrassment really bad and I can barely stand going to these open mics anymore just to watch him bomb every time.

He got a couple laughs the other night and it has sent him into this idea that he’s really good, and has been asking places to give him a full hour set. I cannot watch him do comedy for an hour. He posted one of his sets on Reddit and people were commenting either things along the lines of “oof” “yikes” or “good try” and he still can’t grasp that maybe he isn’t as good as he thinks and needs to work on material.

What drives me the most crazy is he doesn’t change his material, he has been reusing the same jokes that historically haven’t gotten laughs over and over again expecting them to finally get a one.

I know I’m probably being a bad girlfriend but if I have to sit though his comedy one more time I’m going to have a brain aneurysm.

EDIT: so, I wasn’t expecting anyone to go through my post history. I know. I know I should leave him, I know how horrible this relationship has been on my mental health. I also have no idea why I haven’t left him other than just the fact I’m scared and currently don’t have anywhere to go. This comment section has made me realize a lot of things and I’m reaching out to my family to see what my options are in terms of getting out as soon as possible.

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  1. Your post history about a week ago was basically a cry for help on how to get out of this relationship.

    You need to start putting your big girl pants on. Either leave him because you feel trapped or start standing up for yourself.

    Obviously if you still feel trapped you should leave but standing up for yourself is the first stepping stones. Be honest with him. He sucks. That’s okay, it means he has lots of room to improve.

  2. u/Bryanormike’s comment made me look at your profile.

    You are being outright exploited. Really badly. You need to leave him. Listen to your family. You are on your way to being abused.

    When he was 27 and you were 19 you had to spend all the money.

    Now you are 22, he is 30, nothing has changed. Not just finances, but everything else too.

  3. OP, I’ll say this, not meaning to get at you but to set out this dumpster fire of a relationship.

    1. You have described your bf as asexual I think, but he has sex only when He wants to.
    2. He has aggressive anal sex with you, without lube, cannot tell you are in pain (also because you don’t or aren’t able to tell him) and is then mean to you.
    3. You got with him at 19 and used to drive 2.5hrs to see HIM each weekend.
    4. You let him move in with you because of his shitty finances, and YOU FELT sorry for him.
    5. You wet the bed regularly, because your (likely) CPTSD and trauma is bringing about the bed wetting you went through in your past.
    6. He earns no money from his fucking shit “comedy”.
    7. You regularly ask how you can break up with him but you’re scare everyone will think YOU are the bad guy.

    Did I miss anything out?

    OP. You are a caretaker (codependent) for this hobosexual, sadistic, manipulative, ducking arsehole. He adds very little in a positive way and he serves to recreate your childhood trauma and abandonment. The signs were all there for someone with healthy self esteem, lack of trauma (which changes the brain), and healthy relationship examples.

    You have way more problems than how to tell him his comedy is bad. With respect (and sympathy), this is a man that you can’t seem to tell is hurting you during anal sex even after bleeding.

    May I suggest therapy (or a new therapist if THEY haven’t pointed all this out to you) and ACA and CODA meetings. Babe, I’ll even attend online with you!

    I’m not sure what it will take for you to realise that this has always been shit, with you always carrying the emotional load because you have t yet been able to take the advice given which is usually “leave him”. So I urge you to get some healing and recovery.

    I know first hand how fucking hard it is to leave. But I want better for someone else who is way younger than me, who might not have an older sister or Mum or best friend to say this to them.

    You. Are. Worth. Being. Treated. Well. I promise. Xoxo

  4. Girl I’ve been reading your post history.

    If you’d left this man you’d not have to deal with rapey terrible sex, lack of emotional support from him, you’d have more money and more free time AND you wouldn’t have to listen to terrible obnoxious comedy from a man child.

    Why are you in this relationship still?? I’m genuinely confused as to why you like him. And even if you do like him, he clearly isn’t making you happy. There is so much better out there but this guy will not be the one to fulfill you

  5. okay this is where I can really chime in with some expertise.

    I’ve been in comedy for about 15 years and I have seen countless relationships survive or crumble in the amateur and professional comedy industry. I started where your boyfriend is at now, and I’m just giving you some perspective based on lived experience.

    you are absolutely not being a bad girlfriend. your boyfriend sucks at comedy. it is not easy to learn and it takes years

    stop watching open mics, particularly your boyfriend. Period.

    go to showcases. go to booked shows where he gets paid. watch his set once in a blue moon *if he asks*

    otherwise, if you’re trying to spend time with him, just go to the show and hang out and don’t watch his set. help him network, make friends, etc

    Even better, get your own hobbies and do your own shit when he’s doing comedy.

    if he were a songwriter, he would not make you listen to every single version and draft of his song before it’s ready. if he were a story writer, he would not make you read every single outline and rough draft before he is polished it.

    no comedian should make people come to open mics to watch them “work on their jokes” more than once or twice. especially not someone they love

  6. no ma’am. this is NOT the question you need to be concerning yourself with. like many others here i took a stroll through your post history and i am absolutely gobsmacked by your situation. please, GET OUT of this relationship. there is no glimmer of hope. do not pass go.

  7. “hey dear, I love that you love comedy and I think you’re super cool for practicing as much as you can but I think that working a little bit more on the material. I’ll be with you and help you gauge what works and what doesn’t and what you have already is, in need of work”. If this was a healthy dynamic I would say this.


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  9. I just read some of your other posts and don’t understand why you are together with this guy at all.
    Back to the question though. Maybe you don’t need to tell him, but justify don’t go with him to these things anymore. You do not need yo watch it if you don’t want to.

  10. Reading your past post i feel like you got into an abusive relationship and his stand up is your least problem.To sum it up He is using you as a sex doll for anal without lube and free loading in your apartment and spending most of your money. And he is now playing chasing a career as a comedian. He seems like a lunatic if you ask me. Just ask your family for support and breakup. He groomed you when you where a kid and vulnerable Because of mental illness and a childhood trauma. You deserve better und you will find some one much more suitable for sure! This not love but his manipulations by grooming you

  11. >the fact I’m scared and currently don’t have anywhere to go.

    1. Do it scared. 2. Save up your resources and then you’ll be able to find somewhere to go.

    Fuck. I just read what someone else posted (your previous posts). So, you make enough money to have somewhere to go. Girl -if you don’t ‘dobby is free’..

    Life is not a dress rehearsal. You can not get these years back. You can not make up for these years. These years are lost. Do you want to keep losing years of your life in this relationship? Who cares if you are the perceived ‘villian’, their thoughts about you have nothing to do with you.

  12. I am currently on a journey recovering from a relationship very similar to this. I met my now ex-husband when I was 23 (32F presently) Our divorce was finalized October 2021. I had to pack all of his things and put them in the garage and change the locks middle of January 2022 because he wouldn’t leave. This was a painful and at times scary process. I’ve been in therapy since March of this year and am starting to finally heal. I am aghast that I let that happen to myself and I couldn’t see it fully while I was in it. Please listen to all the great advice given here, it will be worth it even if you don’t see it immediately.

  13. Hahahahaha I want you to know this made my morning lol

    I’d just tell him his batting average sucks, and he needs to get a solid 5 minute set down before he ever thinks about even pushing for 10 or 15. Let alone an hour. If he can’t kill with that 5 minutes at least 80% of the time, then he doesn’t need to be pushing for more stage time. Dude needs to slow down and focus on writing jokes, not becoming the next Kevin Hart.

  14. Telling a bad guy that you are having difficulty leaving that he just is not funny is a great way to get him to leave you and get him to free you from this burden.

    He would argue his way out of anything. But stop fake laughing and say one time that “that’s not a good joke” and he will be looking for someone else to carry him before the next full day had passed.

  15. His feelings don’t matter at all, in fact tell him he sucks if it’ll end the relationship because after skimming through your posts he’s not only ruining jokes but your mental health. It doesn’t matter if you leaving him leaves him with nothing, that’s all on him. It doesn’t matter if him and his family and friends make you out to be the bad guy, you’re not and again it’s all on him.

    He is leeching off of you financially and emotionally. This cannot be allowed. Your pity for him is only hurting you. Imagine if your best friend or a close family member told you these stories about their partner. Honestly what would you tell them to do? You wouldn’t say to stay in a torture of a relationship to protect the other person’s feels, you’d probably tell them to get out of it.

    So act in your own interest and get free from the fit asap for your own sake. You don’t have to be unhappy to protect someone else, respectively someone like that …

    **Edit** *just skimmed some more and good grief this guy is lower than I thought, with all he’s done to you and made you go through for his selfish reasons you need to call time on this yesterday!!! Please put yourself first!*

  16. You deserve to be treated better than this. I don’t care who you are, you just do. A year from now you could be healing and finding yourself. Or you could still feel stuck in this shit situation. It’s really up to you, it’s your life. Don’t let him push you around.

  17. Given your deeply traumatic post history, please OP, leave him. *Please*. That was deeply saddening to read and you deserve so much compassion and love for yourself, FROM yourself, and leaving is a big part of that. Don’t give up your dreams and wants for a man who brings nothing to your life but misery and pain.

    No one ever deserves to violate your body like that. He was a grown-arse man going after a teenager, and now he’s a horrific partner with no self-awareness and no concern for you as a human being at all. Please reach out to safe people and get out of there. Whether people see you as a “villain” or not- fuck other people’s ~opinions~ on this or how they label you for doing what you need to do to ensure your own happiness. He’s hurting you in so many ways and anyone who criticises you for leaving him is an arsehole.

  18. Watch The Marvelous Mrs Maisel and get some catharsis and it’s a great show kicking off with this exact situation. Also! For my two cents, not being a bad girlfriend. He really should be developing his material and this is his (very hard) road to tread, one that requires a Hell of a lot of self-awareness, humility and guts (which is also why most amateur stand-ups fail as many are too self-absorbed and delusional about their own talent)

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