Sunday, March 26, 2023
HomeRelationship AdviceHow do I {32/M} tell my brothers boyfriend {39/M} to hold off...

How do I {32/M} tell my brothers boyfriend {39/M} to hold off proposing this upcoming weekend because my brother {30/M} is planning on breaking up with him?

Long story short, my entire family is not fond of my brothers boyfriend, we will call him Mr. mucus (after the Mucinex blob guys name) and everyone has been waiting for the lightbulb to go off in his head that this guy is nothing but a worthless leech.

I won’t go into all the things that he’s done but just use your imagination and picture a loser, that’s him. Or to quote TLC “Always talkin bout what he wants and just sits on his broke ass.”

The time has now come.

Two weeks ago my brother opened up to me that the last two years of his life seem wasted and he absolutely nothing to show for it. Mr.Mucus hasn’t kept up with any of his promises and continues to just waste my brothers time. My brother also told me he’s trying to think of ways to end this. I agreed it was the right way to go and shared with him what I saw as an outside party. My parents make it very obvious they don’t like him.

This past weekend, he pulled me aside and pulled a ring out of his pocket and showed me. “I’m gonna ask him next weekend” I didn’t know what to say to the guy.. I just said “Oh wow” I completely froze, I was taken so off guard that I didn’t know what to say.

So this weekend is quickly approaching and my brother told me that Mr. Mucus wants to take him to NYC (We’re about 30 min away) and do brunch and spend the day.

I can tell you my brothers heart is big, if this fool proposes to him in front of a group of random people on the streets of the city he will say yes to save everyone from embarrassment. Once he says yes, the boyfriend will post it instantly on social media.

My friends, a few of my brothers friends, and my family are all telling me I need to tell my brother so he knows what to expect but I can’t bring myself to do it.

What more can I do?

TLDR: my brothers boyfriend wants to propose and my brother wants to dump him.

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    How is this even a debate for you?

    Your brother said he’s going to break him, so tell him about the incoming proposal so he fast-track his break-up plans. Simple as that, I don’t see how you can conflicted about this (smh)

  2. How do you think your brother will feel, when he finds out you knew beforehand and didn’t tell him?

    You know how this will end.

    Don’t make your brother go through that.

  3. You’re his sister, your loyalties are to him. Tell your brother, that way he can avoid the whole scene and being in the awkward position. You could save him from that and he will appreciate it.

    Edit: I should have that Mr. mucus is proposing because he senses your brother pulling away from him. I don’t think it’s a coincidence. Even more a reason to tell your brother

  4. I’m of two minds on this.

    Your brother is an adult. I don’t understand why he needs to do much “planning”’to break up or why he’d agree to go on a trip if he is going to break up. He needs to just do it already. If he gets himself into an awkward situation, that’s ultimately on him.

    That said, as someone who got proposed to in public, accepted, then gave the ring back once home, I know how mortifying that is. And I didn’t want to break up, I just wasn’t ready to get married.

    So…weighing those two thoughts, I think I would tell your brother. I think it’s the kindest thing to do for BOTH of them.

  5. In can feel scary and overwhelming to start such an uncomfortable-feeling discussion. But given what you know, the right thing to do is to tell your brother what you know, and that you need him to knowvand you believe he needs to know. Advise him that the breakup will occur, and analogize it removing a band-aid: you can rip it off in one quick motion now, before the weekend trip, and feel relief; or remove it slowly, over time, feeling drawn-out pain over days, weeks, or months, and when the bandaid eventually comes off you regret the unnecessary misery and delayed healing.

    The community is behind you on this one.

  6. Can you talk to your brother and not say it exactly. “Hey, I know something big is planned for this trip to NYC. I know where your head is at and think it would be better if you told bf that you’re not up for going any longer.”

    You can step around it while getting the point across and not spill the secret.

    If your brother is wanting to break up, he should also do it sooner rather than later. Looser or not, the bf deserves the truth.

  7. I would tell my brother ASAP. I would tell my brother to not be a softie and either say no or, much better move, go to the bf and tell him knows what he is planning and to not do it. Then break-up with “mucus”.

  8. Your brother needs to know, asap. You can also look at this as a way to give your brother power and encouragement to do what he knows he needs to know. It’s hard to say out loud, so text/email if you have to. “Brother, there’s something you need to know. Mr. Mucus is planning on proposing to you this weekend in NYC. I wanted to tell you, as I know you were thinking of ending things, so you could get out ahead of this. I love you, and tell me what I can do to help you and support you.”

  9. You **HAVE** to bring yourself to tell your brother, for his sake. Right now. Today. It’s Wednesday. Even if you tell your brother right now, he’ll only have 1-2 days to process this and come up with a plan. Ask yourself what you’d expect from your brother, if the shoes were on the other foot, and then DO THAT. TELL HIM ASAP.

  10. Tell your brother to break up today.

    And just an aside, I haven’t never heard of anyone who wanted to be proposed to this way. It’s manipulative and puts people on the spot. If anyone reading this is thinking of proposing this way, don’t.

  11. You MUST tell your brother, and he needs to dump him ASAP. Thinking of ways on how to end this just drags the problem further.

    i’ve been reddit long enough to see where this is going, and it’s not a good one. His BF is probably using this proposal as a tactic to keep your brother from leaving him.

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