Sunday, March 26, 2023
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How do I tell my mom I slept with her boyfriend before they met

I (23f) have been encouraging my mom (40f) to date for a while. She’s been a single mom most of my life and it seemed her only priority was her children. My mom deserves love just like any other person, she’s put us first for so long that it was time to put herself first for once.

Well she met a guy after some encouragement from me and I was happy for her. But recently she introduced me to her new boyfriend (49m), I instantly recognised the guy because we slept together a few times last year. I kept my cool in front of everyone but internally I was freaking the fuck out. I know he knows as well since he came up to me when we had a second alone and asked me not to tell my mom. I don’t think I can do that. I want to tell her but I don’t want to hurt my mom. I really don’t want her and him getting super serious or worse him becoming future step dad or something. How do I tell her without breaking her heart or her hating me?

TLDR: Moms new boyfriend is a guy I slept with a while ago, I don’t know how to tell her.

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  1. You’re an adult, just say the words mum before you met your boyfriend. I slept with him, I think you should know because it feels wrong not disclosing this information. It’s up to you what you do with it, but I would also like to make you aware that your boyfriend doesn’t want me to tell you.

    There’s no nice way to say it. But it’s important she knows, and her boyfriend wanting to hide it says a lot about him.

    Plus he probably knows she might have an issue with the age difference because you’re in your early 20s.

    I’d do it soon though, she’ll be more upset if she thinks you were talking about her behind her back.

  2. >asked me not to tell my mom.

    You aren’t hurting her, you’re protecting her from a man who lie about that. Yes, she should date, but she shouldn’t date him.

    Whether or not anyone thinks the age gap is bad (which it could be but also I think you can still have a totally consensual thing like that), he is attempting to keep it from her. That’s bad.

  3. There’s really no way to soften the blow but you absolutely need to tell your mum the truth, and also tell her that he asked you to keep your past encounters a secret. It’s going to be a very uncomfortable conversation but it needs to happen as soon as possible so your mum can make an informed decision about the future of the relationship.

  4. This is a disaster level , family splitting sort of non disclosure whether your intentions are good or stupid.

    She needs to know and make her choice with that info.

    Tell her before she catches feelings..

  5. idk i wouldn’t want to date a 49 year old man who slept with a 23 year old. especially if that 23 year old is my daughter. so yeah i would tell her. if she finds out later it’ll REALLY hurt.

  6. You tell her that you have something to tell her, you do it at her home, or somewhere neutral.
    You be completely honest about it. You may need to tell her how you met, you will have to say that you had sex, I wouldn’t tell her how many times, and you should tell her how long the relationship (whatever type it was) lasted.
    Be prepared to be hated at the time, as this will be difficult for her to deal with, but she should eventually realise that you are telling her so that she can have the full facts and can decide what to do with her relationship going forward.

  7. Imagine it’s a year down the line and you haven’t told her. The guy has an argument with her and throws that bit of info out after you didn’t tell her. She’d be heartbroken. It’s a hard conversation to have now but she won’t feel betrayed if you do it now instead of further down the line.

  8. As a 45 year old mom I really don’t want to be in a relationship with someone who has fucked my child. I *really* don’t want to be in one with someone who tells my child to lie to me. It’s time to be an adult here, rip the band aid off and tell your mom

  9. He doesn’t want your mother to know that you fucked him, why would he ask you to keep that from her? He should be turning around and never looking back. What an odd thing to say to you.
    Tell her, not only sleeping with someone half his age but also wanting you to keep a secret from your mother, something with this guy is off.

  10. Tell her now! I’m your moms age and I have a daughter your age. I also recently started dating after years of being single to care for my child. I would want my daughter to tell me and would feel so betrayed by my daughter if she didn’t tell me.

    You did nothing wrong by sleeping with him. You WILL do something wrong if you don’t tell her. Your mom deserves to know the guy she’s with slept with her child. This is a huge deal and keeping this info from her is just plain sick and evil.

    There is no way in hell she would blame it on you or even be upset with you. You did nothing wrong and she knows it. You would not be ruining her happiness. I know you want your mom to be happy but this is the wrong way to do it. The longer your mom is with him the harder it will be for her to get her confidence and bounce back. If you want to destroy your mom and scare her off from dating, don’t tell her until she’s totally in love with him. You don’t have the right to withhold this info and it will spare your mom heartache and humiliation.

    Your mom has had your back all your life. Now have hers. I promise you won’t be the bad guy here….. unless you don’t tell her. Sometimes it can be hard to know the right decision. It is 100% the right decision to tell her. Today.

    Send her a text if you can’t figure out how to tell her but make sure you are next to her so she can ask questions after she reads the text.

  11. rip the bandaid off fast. Sit her down, explain it was just a few times. Obviously it was just sex, but it happened. I doubt she would stay with him if she knew.
    It may hurt, but she will find someone new.

  12. You should have told her yesterday. Tell her OP, doesn’t even matter how. When it’s just the two of you, say “mum I have something incredibly awkward I need to tell you… I used to know your new boyfriend.. we met on tinder… and we saw each other for a little while and slept together. I just thought you should know that, I would feel weird and wrong not telling you. By the way, he told me not to tell you. I really don’t want to hurt you because you’re so wonderful but I know you’d rather know”.


  13. If you’re old enough to sleep with older men, you’re old enough to tell this crucial information to your mother before the relationship gets too serious.

  14. She will hate you much more if you let her go on with this “relationship” and delay telling her. No woman wants to be with the type of creep who at 50 thinks having sex with a 20 year old is a good idea.

    The sooner you tell her the truth about her amazing “boyfriend”, the more chances you have to be forgiven. Keeping this from your MOTHER, who raised you and assumingly would do anything to protect you, is plain wrong. Do the right thing.

  15. You need to tell her ASAP. The longer you don’t the more she’ll get close to him and it’ll be worse for her. I know it’s difficult but she needs to know. Your mum will be heartbroken if she finds out further down the road. Rip off the bandaid, tell her.

  16. She could probably do better than a 49 year old man who likes to fuck women over half his age. It’s not gonna be hard and awkward but tell her.

  17. Oh I will tell my mom right away, first red flaw he is sleeping with girls that could be his daughters… possible predator I mean you were 21-22 last year… he was 48 like wtf….

    Second red flaw, he is telling you not to tell your mom… man… honestly this sounds like those rapist that tell kids stuff like “if you tell your mom I will kill you”

    Please please if your mom literally give her life for you and siblings… tell her and let her decide… I know my mom will be shocked and leave the mf.

  18. There was a post just the other day from a young man that got his girlfriends mother pregnant (before knowing her) and she didn’t know, the mother lost the baby and everyone told him to never tell her. So why are we now saying tell mom about this man, because we certainly told that young man to keep his mouth shut and what his girlfriend didn’t know wouldn’t hurt her.

    I strongly disagree and I think both should know the truth.

  19. I think your mom would wanna know her 50 year old boyfriend was banging her 20 year old daughter.

    I’d do it ASAP , preferably before you become bang buddies with your mom.

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