Saturday, April 1, 2023
HomeRelationship AdviceHusband isn’t attracted to me after baby

Husband isn’t attracted to me after baby

I F my husband M have been together for three years. When we first met we were both win really good shape. I being 130lbs and 5’9. Fast forward two years and we have our daughter. 10 months ago. I gained weight during pregnancy and Now weighting 180lbs. I don’t look bad, although it was difficult to look at myself due to changes in my body and having PPD. My husband tells me to go to the gym but I’m a sahm and he works 6am-7pm everyday. I cook,clean,taking care of our baby etc and have no extra time. He was constantly putting me down for how I looked knowing I was struggling my self. I mentioned that he has changed to and I don’t put him down, and he always tells me he doesn’t have motivation to go because i don’t go with him and cook him dinner that’s to good to pass up. He just told me he wasn’t attracted to me and wish I looked like I did when we first met. I was finally in a place where I felt good I lost 20 pounds after pregnancy, have stretch marks and feel good. But I don’t know what to do about my husband.

View Reddit by Sharp-Benefit1643View Source



  1. Yeah that’s super fucked up. People grow and age change in all kinds of ways. And if he really wants you to go to the gym, he needs to take on some of those responsibilities so you have the time. Tell him he needs to start cooking dinner and handling some of the child care so you have time to take care of yourself properly. Or just tell him to fuck off.

  2. You had this man’s baby & he’s putting you down for having baby weight…the freaking audacity of him. He wants you to go to the gym, let him take care of dinner & the baby so you can! If he isn’t then he can keep himself on mute!

  3. Ho-lee sheet. The balls on this guy.

    This is a toxic situation, one that will not get better. Without knowing your age, knowing only your situation – you’re at the start of family life – it will only get harder. You kid will get sick, you’ll get gastro and clean everything up and he’ll criticize. You’ll have your third kid, be worn down and “Why is dinner not ready”.

    This is a pivotal point in your entire life. Do you let someone talk to you like this when you’re going through this? I can see the rest of your life if you do. You can talk to him about it, but I think we know how his attitude will go.


  4. So you carried a whole pregnancy with this man’s baby, suffered through labor, experienced PPD and body dysmorphia, lost 20 lbs of pregnancy weight while also doing 13 hours of domestic labor each day, and are still under a year postpartum and he’s not attracted to you? What a catch.

    He needs to learn how to appreciate and respect you, your daughter is going to get older and eventually understand how her father talks to her mother and will come to think it is normal.

  5. You gave this man a child.

    Your body changed so you could carry his child safely.

    You are a mum, your body brought into this world a new being… One of the greatest gifts that a person with a uterus can give a person without a uterus who wants a child.

    And he has the audacity to complain that you gained weight AND that you make food that’s too good for him to pass up?

    And he hasn’t offered to care for your guys child as a solution to free you to go to the gym?

    Mhmm he is part of the problem.

    Operation revenge:

    You can ride a bike and take the baby with you. They have baby seats for bikes and they have trailers for small children to ride in. You can put a basket on the front of the bike handles to put baby supplies in.

    Some gyms offer baby sitting.

    There are also at home exercise videos on YouTube such as pilates.

    Get back down to your regular weight. Well you do that keep feeding him, once youre back down to your regular weight tell him, “Sorry, I’m no longer attracted to you. Maybe you should go to the gym.”

    Then keep making good food because good food is always tempting.

    Also I would suggest you not have any more kids with this person.

    Instead find a way to get back to work.

    If this is too big of a hurt for you to get over divorce him.

  6. I’m a similar weight and height and my body has taken an absolute beating after 3 kids and breastfeeding them all. I have stretch marks, saggy boobs, scars, cellulite etc.. but my partner absolutely adores me, he thinks I’m the most gorgeous thing on earth and he can’t keep his hands off me, he’s not the father of my children either..

    I’ve been in your position but with my ex (this is why he is an ex). Its funny how the man who I sacrificed my body to have children with, couldn’t appreciate it, but somebody else could. That taught me that it was definitely a him problem.

    Bodies change. We all gain, lose, sag, wrinkle, age, could become injured etc, somebody who loves you deeply isn’t going to become unattracted to you for it.

  7. My wife’s body has changed pretty drastically since her giving birth. When we started dating, she was slimmer than a stick. But since the birth, she has a bit of a pouch and doesn’t fit in her old clothes any more. But holy shit, get this. She’s just as attractive to
    Me as the day we started dating. Because I love her. Because OUR child is the reason she looks different. OPs spouse is an asshole.

  8. >My husband tells me to go to the gym but I’m a sahm and he works 6am-7pm everyday. I cook,clean,taking care of our baby etc and have no extra time.

    If he’s so keen for you to go to the gym, he can free up your time by doing more chores.

  9. I doubt he still looks and weighs the same as when you met, and that’s without carrying a baby for nine months.

    Your body changed because of pregnancy. If he’s so critical of your body right now, he should be ready to help you get your body back. If that means having the funds for you to do it, then tell him, especially since he’s partly responsible for you getting pregnant.

  10. Always struggle to understand people who lose attraction to their partner. People change over time and looks will always fade. There are so many other things that attract us to our partner – it’s never just superficial. So I’m always curious about those people that immediately lose interest if their partners gains a few kilos, or gets a bad haircut or whatever. It’s like, surely there’s more to what you love about your partner besides their most attractive/youthful phase of life? Your husband needs to grow up and get some perspective.

  11. Your body didn’t change because you got lazy or “settled down” your body changed because you carried a child inside your body and pushed it out for him and with him if he’s too childish to support you as a wife/mother of his child maybe he’s too childish to be married too. If he wants you to workout then he needs to come home earlier and help around the house and give you time and energy to workout (I’d assume you also like working out a little if you were in great shape prior to baby) and that being said you should only workout if you want to workout he’s missing out on time with his child and time with you by nagging and pushing you away

  12. So it’s your fault your 180 pds and it’s your fault he’s gained weight because your food is delicious.

    Stop cooking. That way you have that saved time for yourself and he has his will power back . If you decide to go to a gym. Run. Walk or movie gi for it.

  13. Your husband is a misogynist asshole

    “Its bad if the woman Im supposed to love and support gains weight from literal pregnancy, but understandable if I do it from just laying around and eating teehee”
    Like wtf?

  14. That’s terrible he is treating you like that. You had a baby and while I am a male, I know women put on weight naturally during that process. And that it has major physical effects on the human body long term.

  15. Tell him you need him to provide childcare, a cleaning woman, purchase a nice gym membership for you, pay for hair/ nails/spa day, and pay for some plastic surgery ( if you want that). If he’s willing to do all those things and cough up the cash, then you will have the time and energy to concentrate on getting into shape. If he’s not willing to do that, tell him to STFU. Get him a Biology book on the changes a woman goes through during pregnancy. Point out that he’s being a shit husband by making you feel bad about yourself after you brought a living human being into the world. What has he done except shoot his load and be an asshole?

  16. What a complete ass, to continue to make comments about your weight, let alone tell you he’s not attracted to you, especially after you just carried your child!

    Wow. I don’t really know what kind of advice to give here, because I don’t think being petty (which is the natural response), is ultimately good for your marriage. I would just be completely honest with him, tell him how much his words hurt you, and how it really effects you. If he can’t accept that, and continues this berating, I would honestly have to leave. I couldn’t stay with someone so disrespectful and vain

  17. I believe this is completely unacceptable of him because of your pregnancy.

    If you were hanging around depressed, drinking beers and had gained 50 pounds I could see why he would lose a traction. But you would think that he would GAIN attraction for you since you had his kid. I don’t think that weight seems super crazy given the context of your pregnancy and all. My first girlfriend was like 175 pounds and she was super hot.

  18. The fact that he makes everything about himself during a time where you’re still vulnerable makes me think that he doesn’t love you because if you did he respect you. To try talking to a psychologist by yourself. Sadly I don’t think you will change and you might need to think about if you want to stay married to a man because it’s easier than breaking up and being miserable and taking care of “two” babies. Don’t ever let him talk to you that way I suggest looking for a family lawyer to make sure that if things continue this way you can keep custody of your kid.

  19. You want real advice? Get some marriage counseling and stop asking reddit.

    The women in this comment section are ready to lynch this man without knowing both sides of the story.

Comments are closed.

Most Popular