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For fucks sake, can’t believe I have to do this at 35 years old.
He and I have been together for 3 years and have never really had trust issues. Tonight I asked him to give me his phone so that I could show him something on Instagram (mine wasn’t on me). He immediately refused and brushed it off as not wanting to be bothered. I pushed a bit and he started to act a little odd – I asked him if he was hiding something from me and “ofcourse not”.
I finally got him to pick up his phone – he purposely hid it out of view – messing with it for a bit – then opened instagram and scanned through his search history before handing it over. Super weird.
I confronted him and after vehemently denying any weirdness admitted that he was embarrassed of the content that is ‘promoted’ to him because he is ‘male’. He showed me the front page (advertised content…whatever you call it) and it was 100% tits and ass. What the fuck.
I asked him if he looked through his search history to make sure the pornographic accounts were deleted and he more or less called me crazy. Am I crazy?
Is it possible he doesn’t spend his time on IG just looking at porn? And it’s just catered to him because he’s a man? God, that sounds insane even typing it out. I’m sure I already know the answer.
Ironically enough I wouldn’t even care that much that that’s what he wants to look at. It’s the fact that he’s lying to me that drives me fucking crazy. Also he spends A LOT of time on his phone in the rare instances he watches our baby. The fact that he could be looking at smut on IG during this time drives me up the wall.
Anyway, men…sorry for the unload. Please inform me…
That’s funny, i’m a 40 year old straight dude and my IG algorithm is strictly retro video games because I use instagram solely to post photos of retro video games. My app must be bugged out because I’m not getting any smut.
Edit: the smuttiest thing I could find on my search page was some busty cosplay ladies, but that’s video game adjacent and shares some hashtags with the content I post.
Lmao, this is king of bad excuses.
If a woman starts scrolling and selecting 100% T&A as you describe, then their feed will be full of it, too.
The algorithm reinforces what you’re already looking for.
…Yeahhh it’s related to his searches. Not only on ig but anything he’s doing on his phone informs that algorithm.
he’s 100% lying to you.
when you set up an instagram account, your explore and home page is going to show you very generic content. nature/ travel accounts, fashion, architecture, animals etc… the algorithm then monitors what kind of content you engage with (accounts you follow, posts you like/comment on etc) and then shows you more of that content. because of instagrams policies it would be highly unlikely and i wanna say impossible (although i’m not in expert in these things so, who knows, it could happen but i’d wager the possibility is very very small) that they’d put half naked influencers on his page right off the bat. there’s also no possibility that that type of content is showing up on his page because it’s what his friends engage with. instagram is not like twitter in that regard. the algorithm is there to show you what you want to see, not what it thinks you should see because of what gender you are. he’s 100% looking at/ had been looking at this kind of content. if it’s the only thing showing up on his explore/ home page then it’s likely the only thing he looks at on the app period. i’m sorry you had to go through this
Lol you should explain to him that that’s not how algorithms work. Maybe it’s how they start, but not how they continue after use.
If you believe that, I have this really promising crypto currency I could sell you…
Instagram shows content based on what you search most and look at most. Not due to him “being male”. What a pathetic excuse.
I do use Instagram and it actually recommends waaaaaay less thirst traps than other social media. If a girl shows up on my feed, it’s because she’s doing something cool. If you keep watching videos with half naked girls, it
Keeps showing you videos with half naked girls
My husband’s Instagram is filled with cars and restoration stuff and that’s all I’ve seen on it. Sometimes I take his phone and look at Instagram if I’m bored and my phone is dead and he never has an issue with it but it’s super boring cause it’s just classic cars and like somebody refinishing an old record player or whatever. I think your bf is full of it.
My boyfriend is a man and his explore page is 80% football and 20% random comedy posts. Don’t let him lie to you sis
You know the answer. You have seen the flags and called the bluff. The way cookies work is that it flags your search based on the things you search for, interact with and share.
So the reason this man is being targeted with pornographic ads and similar content is because like many individual with low self restraint, he is curating his search page.
He is now attempting to lie and gaslight you. Congrats, you’re a mother of two.
I am a man as well and my IG is all sailboats…so that doesn’t seem right
Simple experiment, create a fake male profile with his stats and have a look for a few weeks.
I don’t use IG so I can’t confirm but my guess it’s probably 95% bullshit.
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That’s not how this works, that’s not how ANY of this works!
The only people who think this behavior is normal, is porn addicts. He’s addicted to porn.
It shows what you search. He thinks you are stupid if he can’t even bother a better lie.
Happened to me as well, sometimes even a search on a question or medical issue generates some crazy ads etc.
I’m a man. My Instagram feed is kittens, recipes, dungeons and dragons stuff, and attractive people, in roughly that order of frequency.
I can believe that some thirst traps are coincidence. A feed that’s pure smut is not a coincidence.
LOL it don’t work like that
He’s totally lying to you.
I just looked through my husband’s Instagram feed (with him, not behind his back). He rarely uses it, but all his discovery posts were normal, random stuff – food, memes, animal pics, etc.
As a male, I can confirm this isn’t the case, as i tested it myself. ^(For scientific purposes, i swear.)
Him going through his search history was to simply delete the searches in a vain attempt of hoping it would purge the T&A interest; he was wrong. IG will literally latch onto anything relevant to recent search history to keep the user invested, interested and follow more pages, as per it’s algorithm.
So yeah he is lying but I don’t think it’s constructive to be salivating at the mouth over “catching” him the way some of these comments are. He’s not a bad person or a “child” for wanting to hide this; he’s just a guy who’s caught in an awkward situation and afraid of being really embarrassed.
>Ironically enough I wouldn’t even care that much that that’s what he wants to look at. It’s the fact that he’s lying to me that drives me fucking crazy. Also he spends A LOT of time on his phone in the rare instances he watches our baby. The fact that he could be looking at smut on IG during this time drives me up the wall.
These statements kinda contradict each other but if you really “wouldn’t even care that much” then maybe give him a soft landing to tell the truth. Explain that you’re okay with him looking at whatever he wants to look at but maybe don’t do it when he’s around your kid. If he really feels like he’s not gonna get skewered for it he’ll probably fess up. Going the other route and turning this whole thing into a criminal investigation where you’re trying to put the screws to him over something you supposedly don’t care about isn’t going to be good for either of you or your relationship as a whole.
I’m not surprised this is happening if you have a child under 2. A lot of guys seem to check out during the baby stages. I’ve noticed MANY breakups during that time period in couples lives.
If he’s constantly on his phone looking at all this… He is most definitely checking out of the relationship. You both have a child together.
I’m guessing you are doing the majority of home and childcare?
Algorithms will always show more of what we tend to search or click on. You know this from your own accounts.
The fact he is lying is a MAJOR red flag.
Insert <That’s not how any of this works> gif.
I looked at one (ONE) dachshund reel, then another one popped up so I watched and guess what Instagram rabbit hole I am in? Dachshund Nation.
He clicked one, one time. Maybe it was shown to him because he’s male & looked for porn elsewhere, but he clicked it then when the next one came up he clicked that and now he’s in Instagram titty city. Maybe he forgot he’s the one who initiated it by responding the first time, but the level of t & a is all a response to his continued consumption of it.
Tell him it’s the lying that’s way worse.
Idk for sure if he’s telling the truth or not. But my husband often complains that his IG shows reels of women often even though he almost exclusively follows weight lifting and music pages. He’s shown me his feed. It’s all weight lifting and music. But the reels are often of half naked women.
And he has no reason to lie to me about it as we are super open and often share porn we find with each other.
Yeah … My husband’s IG is filled with ads for drums and bikes. With the occasional concert thrown in there. He also gets generic content marketed to men like ads for shaving cream.
You know what his promoted content isn’t full of? Naked women.
Your man is sus.
I follow some of those model pages on ig, not a ton, and my suggested reels is mostly the content you’re describing. I don’t search up “porn” on instagram. I’m 28 and know how to use the internet for that type of stuff. Although I’m sure he’s following some of those “model” accounts, ig could def be showing more of that stuff than what he’s searching for because they know it gets lots of views. Not necessarily saying he’s not lying, but I can say there might be a little truth to it.
I am a dude, and there is zero smut on my feed because I intentionally avoid looking at smut on IG, so that the algorithm will leave me alone and just keep showing me my friends’ vacation pics.
Not that I see anything wrong with smut, if he wants to look at it.
But no, the algorithm is not just assuming that he wants smut. It knows he wants smut because that’s what he watches.
That’s such a laughable lie. Just “being male” doesn’t mean you T & A on your feed on any social media otherwise you’d see a lot of gay guys complaining about all the T’s their seeing constantly.
I’m sorry he’s lying to you and that he’s searching out pr0n on his phone (especially if he’s usually doing so while watching over the baby) but that’s 100% BS on his part and you know it. Him saying that is just as stupid as if social media catered your feed to getting home and parenting advice or cooking tips because that’s the (misguided) traditional role assigned to ladies–call him out on it and use that example if you’d like.
Note: Nothing’s wrong with him looking at T & A’s in the slightest. That’s normal for anyone who has a sex drive. But what’s wrong here is his squirrely response, him deleting his history, then lying to you about his feed and why it is the way it is. If you have a problem with him looking at that stuff, that’s your business, but I’d definitely sit him down and discuss this situation because otherwise it’s going to just fester with you and not come out good when it finally does come out.
Good luck!
The solution is of course very simple. Uninstall it. There’s nothing of value on Instagram.
I have a similar issue rn where my boyfriend is trying to convince me he has nothing to do with the girl that is on top of his following default list. For some reason they love blaming bugs or errors in the app. Go figure.
There’s porn on Instagram? I don’t believe you let me just open it up for a second….
My bf’s Instagram is nothing like that. It’s all nerd stuff. It’s definitely based off of what you search for.
He’s definitely looked at smut but the algorithm can be sensitive if you’re not using Instagram much. So he might have only looked at a bit, he didn’t even need to search. Or it might be he uses Instagram loads and looks at nothing but smut. There’s really know what of knowing.
So I am a F33, and I have 3 Instagram accounts, one is my personal one, one is for work and a third one for my side hustle (another business)
I have had my personal one for like 6 years maybe, the explore tab is all just people I follow and personal interests nothing weird.
My work one was created by my boss(m50) three years ago and it’s all smut…I’m the only one who has access to this account for the past 3 years and it’s just still smut. If I hit the explore tab it’s all bikini photos, and what not I have never looked at any of that and it’s not related to the business at all either.
My third account which is my side business (I sell small accessories online) I started this account maybe 6 months ago, as a female 33, never looked at smut on it but the explore tab is also all smut.
I don’t know if this helps or not, but for what it’s worth my husband got rid of his Instagram on his own accord before we were dating and hasn’t been on it for years now. I thought it was weird because he used to have it and didn’t anymore so I remember asking him about it. He was really sweet and told me that it was always all smut and I was the only girl he is ever interested in, he doesn’t watch porn or anything either.. he actually would block and report stuff on it, but he said he always only got smut on it so he just gave up on it.
I don’t know what to tell you but I hope this helps out. Any guy who acts like he has something to hide is a red flag though, if he cared about how you feel and it’s causing insecurities at all he should respect that and always put you first about other women online. I’d sit down and calmly talk to him about this and tell him how it makes you feel, if he shrugs off your feelings or acts like he doesn’t care then there’s your answer.
I think 99.9999% of the time that a man gets you to ask yourself, “Am I crazy?” you are getting gaslit. So, you know your answer there. You just needed validation.
But what’s up with the lying, dude?