Saturday, April 1, 2023
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I [25m] ended a 7 year long realtionship with my [25f] girlfriend after she cheated on me

Back in May I walked in on my girlfriend in bed with another woman. They were making out and doing who knows what else. She only admitted to making out with her but I have no way of knowing if they did anything else.

I tried getting over it. I kept rationalizing that it wasn’t that bad because it was with another girl or that she was really drunk when it happened. I tried so hard to get over it. But I finally found some clarity and realised what she did ruined my trust of her forever.

We officially broke it off a few days ago. I’m still deeply hurt by it. Idk how I’m even supposed to continue with my life though, I’ve spent my entire adult life in a relationship. I have no idea what it’s even like to be single lol. I’ve never dated. What do I even do at this point.

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  1. I hate this bullshit ‘it wasn’t the gender I normally go for therefore it’s not as bad’ nonsense. They cheated on you with another person. That’s it. And it sucks

  2. I’m sorry you had to experience that.

    Full proof plan?

    Block her in every form of media, get rid of anything that reminds you of her, you have to go no contact.

    Rebounds may be the popular choice for a lot of people but they’re shallow, unfulfilling and leave you feeling pretty gross in my opinion. Instead, opt for a hobby that will improve YOU. Go to the gym, even if you don’t know what you’re doing, make it your life.

    Time, time truly is the only thing that will make this better. You will wake up one day, and it won’t hurt as much I promise. Then you will wake up again and it will hurt less until it’s just a memory.

    In terms of dating, take this time to work on you my man. Dating is tough coming out of being cheated on.

    You may never heal but you also don’t want to being emotional baggage into a new relationship. That being said, if something blossoms with another person, then pursue it if feels right.

    Best of luck and again it gets easier with time.

    I as well as many people have gone through exactly what you’re feeling right now. If you need to talk just shoot me a PM.

  3. This is why I don’t believe the self-reported cheating statistics. Beliefs that a woman being intimate with another woman isn’t “cheating”.

    OP, this is rough and I feel for you, but it takes time. The pain will take time to pass but you need to use that pain and learn from it. Use it for resilience and growth. Work on your goals. Along the way, be aware of the people who are loyal. Those are the ones you consider for a relationship.

  4. My such 7 year relationship went from 25 to 33 before it ended in her cheating. Now I’m 36 and still wondering how this whole thing will work out.

    You’re 25! Take some time, heal up, and go out into the world!

  5. Congratulations! So many people stay with cheaters due to what I can only assume is sunken cost fallacy, or fear of being alone and I applaud you for knowing you are worth better.

    Just imagine how much worse it would have been 10 years down the line if you got married and had a kid and *then* realised that she was capable of this utter betrayal.

    You did good. I’m proud of you.

  6. 9 months ago same thing happened to me, I’m still trying to rationalize. The only thing I keep telling myself is, I have never cheated before and know that’s not me, and someone who cheats will do it with you or anyone else they’re with. Loyalty is getting harder and harder to find…

  7. Honestly I’m proud of you. It’s become a huge thing now to lose your self respect and accept cheaters in your life. Good on you for knowing your worth. Take some time to nurture yourself. Hit the gym, take on a new project at home or work, take up a new hobby. Heal. And when you’re ready move on to the person meant for you

  8. You detach from her and learn to be you. Don’t take another serious relationship for a while. Make your own rules, decorate your own house, suffer your own mistakes and learn.

  9. Damn that sucks for you 🙁 can’t imagine what that feels like. If it’s any consolation you’re many years before that “I will be single forever” stage of life, 25 is a fine age to be dating I feel like. You should take all the time you want to emotionally come into terms with what happened, going to therapy will genuinely help if you can afford it. Can’t comprehend what it feels like to have your trust broken by someone you have trusted for 7 fucking years, shit like that obviously scars you forever, but try to work out how to rebuild your trust while distracting yourself with something nice, if you feel like you have a boring life rn take up something interesting to do, depends on your preferences. Maybe learn skateboarding or electric guitar, they make you cooler, hit the gym, make some new changes in your wardrobe, lots of nice aesthetics for dudes are out there, start eating nice stuff, learn to cook something nice, basically do some external self improvement, something that will make you feel better, little by little you’ll start feeling better on the inside too. Also something distracting maybe like video games or movies will obviously help too. Kinda feel like somehow surrounding yourself with chaotic little kids might be nice lmao.

    Take your time to walk around alone and appreciate the stuff around you, and also try to go out with people you know, have a drink or two, smoke up. Going through reddit to see all the other bullshit people in relationships have gone through might help making you feel like there’s others out there going through the same thing, or bigger things that make your issues feel smaller, in a good way I mean. I’ve always felt like coming across the proper hardships that people go through in life kinda makes you appreciate everything that’s going great in your life, but obviously don’t try to belittle your own problems in the process.

    Don’t lose hope my dude, sounds stupid to hear that I know, but you will recover I promise. Hope you’ll be fine soon <3

  10. I’m so sorry this happened to you. I relate with this so much. 24m, my brother found my wife of 5 years (partner of 7) on Tinder so I went through her phone and she was sending lewds to people. Claims it was “for attention”, but I don’t believe her or trust her anymore. My point is, I thought I didn’t have the strength to do what you did. But reading your post inspires me to keep trying. Thank you.

  11. I been through exactly this.
    Life is more than a relationship, it’s ok to take some time to learn how to be yourself again without that person in your life. Do baby steps, reconnect with your single friends going out, find a hobby, gym, walks on the park. And please, therapy. A 7 years relationship that ended die to cheating harmed your emotional pretty heavily, even if you don’t realize it by now. In order to meet new people, maybe a new love next year. You need to be healing from this, is a daily process and it’s fine to take a step back sometimes. Your goal here is to understand that YOU DID NOTHING WRONG. A relationship is two people giving 100%, you can’t give 200%…
    And there is nothing in the way you treat them, talk to them that would change this outcome. Cheating is a moral issue, they will do it again, they just don’t care about the party et emotions and how they affect others, for this kind of people what it matter is doing what they want.
    Love is beautiful, there is no excuse for cheating. They will try to come back into your life, just don’t let it happen.

  12. This happened to my husband, before I met him. Fairly sure he dated the girl in high school and a few years after high school. He eventually discovered she had been cheating off and on the whole time and ended it with her but not without a lot of turmoil.

    It had been several years when we met and he was over the relationship but I got the vibe he hadn’t really processed the trauma of it… that someone you trust would be capable of doing something like that.

    My advice to you is to get busy. Whether I’ve been going through the loss of a loved one or a big life change, the answer is almost always not to dwell on it.

    When the thought or emotion passes through, don’t block it… acknowledge it, feel it, accept that it’s normal to have the thought and feeling, and then change your focus.

    Be careful… I don’t suggest allowing the thought or feeling to linger and turn into thoughts of “the good times/missing/loneliness” or of the “hurt/anger/frustration/why”… but instead, deep breath and a thought about what’s been going right since. Acknowledge it happened, then think “but now I am ____.” And it can really be anything.

    Sometimes, to start, you can’t find many big positive to focus on. It can be the smallest, most random thing as long as it brings about a positive response mentally. Slowly, your mind will learn to refocus.

    In the mean time, stay busy, whatever that means for you. When my dad passed, I ran. Literally. When I’d feel a panic attack coming on, I’d go for a run or bike ride until my mind was too exhausted to think about it anymore. Some people write. Some read. Some stay busy with friends. Whatever busy means for you.

    Lastly, when you do meet someone else that you think could be the one and things fall into place for you, do not allow this person’s memory or the trauma of their actions to invade your new relationship. Be honest and open about how it affected you but do not attempt to “settle down” until you have processed it and truly moved on.

    And I definitely second the suggestions to get rid of her things and delete her pictures when you feel ready to. Unless you just want to revisit the same place mentally over and over and over again in the future.

  13. I’ve been married most of my adult life and am in the process of separating. Different situation from yours but I know how you feel. It’s scary to me thinking about being single again and not knowing how to navigate the dating scene. I plan on definitely taking some time being single and then just taking it one day at a time. I don’t really have any special advice for you but wanted you to know you’re not alone.

  14. I promise you will look back at this and be grateful you broke it off.

    That doesn’t make this part any easier, however. It is tough to get through a breakup after someone cheats. It just is.

    My best advice, having gone through it three times, is to spend a lot of time taking care of yourself, and others. Work out, eat well, maybe do a refresh of the parts of your home that remind you of her. (I redecorated my bedroom after a particularly heartbreaking breakup and it really helped). If you have pets, spend more time with them. Spend time with supportive friends. Read good books when you need a temporary escape from your thoughts.

    And most of all, believe that you will get through this with time. Because you will, although it won’t always feel that way.

  15. I’m so sorry this happened to you man truly, I too was cheated on was 4 years in, we lived together as well…very rarely can the trust be repaired usually because the other party doesn’t want to make the sacrifices to help repair it. My ex didn’t think she owed me anything and didn’t need to do anything to help get my trust back. Ridiculous. I feel like rebounds are okay given you don’t fall too deep in them. A rebound helped me, I didn’t get into anything serious with them, it’s more so a repair in ones self, the knowing that it wasn’t your fault they cheated and that others still value you. After the rebound NSA if it’s right for you and if it’s done right then try and find anything to keep your self busy, healthy habits. Pick yourself back up, it’s still difficult for me but I got a pet which made things easier for me. Whatever that is you can find it! Also try not to think that all that time was a waste, it wasn’t, you still had happy memories, you still grew within yourself, and her cheating gave you the power to identify signs, patterns, and the knowledge to not fall for this again or at least identify it earlier. If it wasn’t her, it might have just happened with someone else. I believe most of us have gone through this, almost seems like a step in life to get through to find the right someone. Remember, the relationships that don’t work out aren’t failures, but simply gives you the knowledge of knowing all the ways not to date, making room for the right ones. If that makes sense lol you aren’t alone man! There are millions of us! We can move forward!

  16. You’re 25. You think you’re “old.” You aren’t. You’re about to have the BEST days of your life. Forget about that cheating piece of crap, you deserve to be with someone who loves and respects you. Go to the gym. Explore hobbies. Renew friendships. Travel. You’ll meet someone who makes you SO MUCH happier and if you ever re-read this post you’ll laugh at yourself. Get a few dating apps, start talking to some people, go on a few dates but don’t look for anything serious for a while. Focus on yourself for at least a year. You’re going to be so much happier. You’ll be ok.

  17. Cheating is cheating, who they cheat with doesn’t make it less horrendous.

    Well done having the courage to walk away from the relationship, that takes a lot of self respect and I’m proud of you for that, internet stranger.

    It’s going to be rough for a while, I know that from experience sadly. But you will get through it. Lean on your friends and family. Do something for you be that a new hobby or some self improvement like learning a new language.

    Don’t even think about dating for now, you will just end up in a rebound relationship and it will hurt both you and them.

  18. Block her. Don’t engage with mutual friends. Go to therapy if need be. Keep your mental health stable.

    Understand, you need to embrace the change, process, heal and move on.

    Stop looking for a band aid of emotional support from someone else when you need to reflect on who you are at this point. Get a journal and start writing your thoughts (don’t leave the journal out where anyone can pick it up and read it).

    As you’re changing, engage in your hobbies, do the things you truly enjoy, find groups that participate in what you like and move on.

    Sometimes alone, we have a clarity about ourselves, what we want to be. You got this.

    You have an entire life to explore, encounter new, vibrant adventures in your life.

    Whatever you do going forward, do not GO BACK to her.

    Reflect on the change.

  19. Hello friend.

    Yeah, I’m not in the exact same boat, but I can see yours from here.

    We were together for 9 years (I’m 26 now) and we’ve been apart for 3 weeks. No cheating, just… life, I guess? We were more roommates then a couple and he was the one who decided to end whether try to fix it.

    I don’t really know wtf to do next, but I’m pretty sure we will find out and be amazed discovering how much more there is out there.

    Stay strong friend, we’ll be okay!

  20. I’m really sorry this happened to you. But thankfully you found the strength to break up with her. Just because she can’t get pregnant from the person she was kissing doesn’t mean it’s not cheating. I’m happy you have the opportunity to figure out who you are single. Eat, pray, love bro.

  21. You have no choice but to leave her. She cheated. Doesnt matter guy or girl. It will never feel right and it wont work. The faster you know this the quicker you can be set free like they say the truth will set you free and it will be aganozing because youve spent some years together. However if you love yourself or have any self worth you know better than to even let a lying cheating narcissist back in. Go find someone so loyal and beautiful and someone god has for you that will make u forget about all about her cheating lying ass. Do that for yourself. Bolt that door shut and never let her back in. Unless u want to be cheated on again. If someone cheats they dont love you. Tough pill to swallow, but thwre are other better women out there. Good luck your young still and youll find someone good

  22. Take life one day at a time! Find the things that you are grateful for and focus on them. Your pain will subside over time as you keep yourself busy. Be careful not to get involved in a rebound relationship too soon! You most likely have dodged a bullet so take that as a win!!

  23. What I did when my lady left me is I focused on myself. I cried with my son and I slept in his room. Went shooting and rode my motorcycle all over town. Take time to yourself is my point. Go do stuff she said no to.

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