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I (30F) want to have a kid, but my husband (33M) wants to be a day trader

I want to have kids but right now I am unsure about our financial future. I am a freelancer and my husband is a day trader. We both make money out of it but the money is erratic in both cases. I asked my husband to take a secure job, he refused. I asked him to find something stable, he said he will be a content creator but he hasn’t started on that yet and a bit of procrastination is going on. I can join a job but that will delay my pregnancy goals and plus I would want to take off 2 years when the baby is growing. So I don’t see how that will help.

I don’t know what to do, I can’t take it as it goes but I don’t want to have kids late in life and I want 2 of them. He feels he will take debt if ever we need and we should go ahead and have it anyway. For me financial insecurity makes me nervous since there have been awfully stressful times in the past that I don’t want to relive with children. Husband thinks past will never happen again but the nature of our income means that it can.

This is causing extreme strain in our marriage and I’m feeling extremely depressed.

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  1. Day trading is an attractive illusion, like trying to make money betting on horse races. You might win for awhile, but day trading is *never* a real job or source if income. It always involves “but I’m special because…” Yeah, everyones special, and *nobody* makes money for long that way. If you’re “sure” you can fly, don’t start out by jumping off a big cliff while holding other people’s welfare and future. That’s narcissism or hidden self destructiveness.

    Read up on day trading from objective sources. Wikipedia has a good article on it with referencee to more information.

  2. Firstly there is no ‘good’ time to have a baby. Circumstances change before, during and after pregnancy so financial security is not guaranteed just because someone has a good job now (although it’s certainly more likely and therefore a wise decision preemptively). That said, Almost nothing is worth going into debt for, especially when your partner seems to have no plan on how to get out of it once he’s in. You’re setting yourself up for a horrible time having a baby with someone who has no idea how they are going to earn money to support them. If he were studying, or working to get a promotion then that would be different but he’s doing nothing.

    It’s sounds more as though he has no drive to actually get a job to support a child in the long term (what exactly does he mean by ‘content creator’? Online content is possibly the most unsecure form of income imaginable).

    Having a baby is unimaginably difficult, the last thing you want is to have the extra stress of having no money or paying off debt.

  3. Day trading is rarely going to make anyone rich. If this is something he wants, he should do it with only money he can afford to lose.

    If you want a stable income then go get a stable job and save for those two years you want to take off. Having those kids with someone who doesn’t have the same financial values as you seems just as risky as day trading.

  4. You don’t want to have a baby with a professional gambler, believe me. If this guy was planning on supporting his child by playing roulette, what would you say? It’s not very different at all.

  5. You can’t force him to put aside his goals (to be a day trader) in order to cater to your goals (have kids and be a STHM for two years). You’re only options are either, one, you get a stable job and you only take a little bit of maternity leave before going right back to work to be a steady bread winner, or two, you break up and find a guy with more stable income who has the same goals as you. There really doesn’t exist any other options so you’ll just have to make up your mind on this.

  6. Do you want to be with him forever? YES. Do you want a child? YES. Will day trading work? UNKNOWN. Does he have ways of making money if day trading fails? YES. Don’t delay having kids! I had two stay at home parents until I was 7! Lol

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