My boyfriend (33m) and I(26f) have been dating for a few months now, he’s my first everything and he’s amazing, he spent hours baking for my bday and drives to my city to see me every weekend. I love him so much I think about him all the time.
However. He can’t finish, at first it’ll be a while before it goes soft (too long sometimes), now sometimes he can’t put it in at all or it won’t last after I get it hard. I usually just go down on him because I feel so bad. It’s only with actual sex he can’t finish.
Funny enough I didn’t even think it was a me problem until he specifically said it wasn’t me. Also he had a fling with a girl at the beginning of the year before we started talking. I asked if he had any problems finishing with her and he said, “Honestly… yes.” Like he had issues but he was still able finish while he wasn’t able to finish even once with me.
I asked if there’s anything she did that works for him, apparently she’s just “more experienced.” I’ve tried longer foreplay, I’ve never made him feel bad or disparaged him for it. Now I have trouble enjoying because I get so nervous and I dread it when he initiates which is every time he stays over.
I’ve read articles and other people’s experiences. But so far it hasn’t helped me. I don’t know why he’s with me if he doesn’t find me attractive. He stopped watching porn and all that. I’m already insecure and low self-esteem and I feel like I waited so long to find the right person to have physical intimacy with (childhood trauma made me wary of being touched) and it’s like this….
As another male in a similarly shaped boat I (22m) have only ever been able to orgasm once through vaginal sex and haven’t been able to recreate it since, bear in mind it took 4 hours, not a lot of people have the time or patience for that or can take it for that long, and that’s always been an issue for me since I became sexually active, so I do feel emasculated when explaining to a new partner that I’m not able to regularly cum through sex, let me tell you: ITS NOT YOU, from the sounds of it, he’s a good guy, you hold him in high regards like being amazing and he baked for your birthday, visits you all the time and you’re always thinking about him, don’t end it over something like that, try to be supportive and know it won’t be that he isn’t attracted to or loves you, don’t get nervous when he initiates, he’s doing it because he wants to, regardless of being able to cum, which imo shows trust, sometimes men have trouble at different points in their lives and I’ve been going through it for 5 years, but that doesn’t stop me from being active and enjoying the experience with a woman even if I can’t cum and have to finish myself off so long as she has a good time
Some people are just like that. He probably headed it off with warning you that it’s not about you because past partners have indeed made it about them. I know that feeling, and even with the warning I keep getting into it with partners because it all becomes a fucking ego thing. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard “well, it’s because you just haven’t had me yet hur hur” only for it to become some existential crisis or something. Spare me, please.
Sometimes it can be more about the journey than the destination and that’s fine. You have every right to cut it off when you’re not having fun anymore, it doesn’t have to be all or nothing.
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