We have been dating for almost 3 years including the recent 1.5 year of ldr. I finally got a new job which is close to where he lives and we will be able to close gap in 1 month. We will not be moving in together but it will be close enough that we may be able to see each other everyday if we wanted to. The problem is that I feel like I am the only one who tries to be with hin and he just does whatever he wants to do. He plans to go back for master’s degree next year and he plans to apply to only top schools which means we may have to do another ldr for 2-3 years starting next September. He will be applying to one school that is close to the area but the only reason would be because it is one of the top schools, not because he wants to be with me. I think it is good for him to persuing more education which will potentially make him go into a better person and I am not saying that I want him to give up on his education for me. But I feel like he only thinks about himself. There are a few other schools nearby that are in top 15 or 20 but he is not even considering them yet even if I tell him that I wish him to stay around with me. When I told him that I was hoping to get married or at least get engaged before age 30, he said he is not ready since he plans to go to school. I can definitely wait until he finishes his school to marry him as I love him, but I am also afraid of him finding a better person at school during our another ldr and I will just be left alone and end uo wasting another years… Maybe it is my fault for not being able to fully trust him but I think it is because he told me that he slept with someone by accident and told me that he basically cheated on me once which was 2 years ago. I forgave him about it but I feel like I just can’t get away with my uncertainty. Other than him making me feel like that, he is a nice guy. Many of my friends want me to marry him because he is really nice to everyone especially to me, but I am not sure if he is really the one. If he keeps priotizing himself and wants me to understand/sacrifice myself, I am not confident that I will be happy even after we get married… It really hurts me when I think about breaking up with him, but should I just do it? Maybe it will be better for both of us in that way…
I feel like I (27F) am the only one who sacrifices to be with my bf (26M)
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>The problem is that I feel like I am the only one who tries to be with hin and he just does whatever he wants to do.
It’s a great deal… for him.
You do all the work, and he does whatever he wants.
LDRs can be tricky like this.
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>He will be applying to one school that is close to the area but the only reason would be because it is one of the top schools, not because he wants to be with me.
Shows where his priorities are, doesn’t it?
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>There are a few other schools nearby that are in top 15 or 20 but he is not even considering them yet even if I tell him that I wish him to stay around with me.
Same comment as above.
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>he slept with someone by accident
WHAT???
There’s no such thing as sleeping with someone “by accident”!
It’s something you do very much on purpose.
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> but I am also afraid of him finding a better person at school
It sounds like he’s surely trying!
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>Maybe it is my fault for not being able to fully trust him
No.
He cannot be trusted at all.
What IS your fault is sticking around with someone who can’t be trusted, and pinning all your hopes on him.
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>he basically cheated on me once which was 2 years ago.
See what I mean?
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> I forgave him
Definitely a mistake.
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> I feel like I just can’t get away with my uncertainty.
WHAT are you uncertain about?
He doesn’t care about you, he’s sleeping around looking for another woman, he’s more interested in getting into a top school, even if it means leaving you behind.
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>Other than him making me feel like that, he is a nice guy.
I’m sure that even Hitler was a nice guy to his friends.
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> If he keeps priotizing himself and wants me to understand/sacrifice myself, I am not confident that I will be happy even after we get married
**Then…**
**don’t…**
**get…**
**married!**
At least you see the problem.
Ignore it only at your own peril.
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> It really hurts me when I think about breaking up with him, but should I just do it?
**YES!!!**
**YES!!!**
**YES!!!**
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>Maybe it will be better for both of us in that way…
There’s no “maybe” about it!
BELIEVE IN YOURSELF. AND MOVE ON
He is putting himself first so should you. Find someone who is more compatible with you.
When you guys went LDR, should’ve taken that time to date other people. When you found out he cheated, should’ve dropped him. Doesn’t seem like any effort on his part at all and he is walking all over you. He knows/believes you won’t leave. Prove him wrong. Drop him and find someone that is putting as much into your relationship as you are.
Is the new job one you really want? Don’t even consider the boyfriend, because if you’re doing this just for him, please don’t.