We have been together for a little over a year now, we meet regularly (luckily)! (Long distance)
During the year we have been together a lot have happened, number one being him having broken up with me several times, the times he has broken up it has been because he was unsure about wanting a relationship or not. It has put me through a rather heavy roller coaster. It has however been a while since the last breakup now and things do feel and look different. I do trust him but i have a hrd time letting go of feeling that it will happen again.
During our relationship we have also encountered other situations that has been very rough.
Pre Covid he had taken a liking to this new girl in his friend group and she took a liking to him, she is in a relationship so nothing ever came from it but they did decide to stay friends, apparently they texted non stop during lockdown.
Now i do not have an issue with him having female friends but there has been so many odd things coming to the surface little by little with this Woman.
She will tell him to keep secrets from me, she messages him day and night, she has told him that she is jealous of me being in a relationship with him and that is only scratching the surface.What makes me super insecure about her is however how incredibly protective he is of her and if i even mention that the situation is making me uncomfortable he completely shuts down and if i voice how i feel it is wrong of her to keep this going he will instantly defend her.
I am not allowed to meet her, nor talk to her and i have offered both as a way to include me in this friendship and hopefully get me to a point of feeling more secure about.
We meet for 2 weeks every 2 months and he last time he left ( 3 weeks ago ) he barely touched me that entire last day or the night before. The goodbye kiss was almost rushed and he seemed nothing short of extremely exited about \*finally\* going home.
He tells me that we are good, that our relationship is strong and that i have nothing to fear.He tells me that there is no break ups in sight and that he understands my fear of it based on our history and my personal history, but i can not shake the feeling of him being in this relationship for some other reason ( not that i know what that would be ) other than him wanting US!
He has also met my children 3 times and he says he would never do that unless he was serious about us, ugh i dont even know where i am going with this.
This post is likely a mess and if you read it all, you are a true gem.
Oh hunny, you are being played so hard. Idk why he is stringing you along but he is. He’s 100% cheating on you with that woman if not physically then certainly emotionally. I’m sorry but your bf is a big jerk. She is apparently using him too and while you are his backup plan, he is hers. Save yourself more heartache and find someone who won’t have an emotional affair. Sorry OP, I’m sure this is very painful.
Stop wasting your time. He is definitely cheating and stringing you along. You broke up multiple times in less than a year. That’s not normal or healthy relationship
I didn’t read all but just the breaking part cause him not being sure… I smell bullshit, narcissistic bullshit… Red flag
>if i even mention that the situation is making me uncomfortable he completely shuts down and if i voice how i feel it is wrong of her to keep this going he will instantly defend her.
It sounds like he’s drawing a line… and you and he are on different sides of it.
It’s looking like you’re heading toward the danger in all distance relationships: that one person meets someone local, and decides to take up with the person.
She has moved to a place of prominence in his life, and is threatening to eclipse you. And he seems down with that.
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>I am not allowed to meet her, nor talk to her and i have offered both as a way to include me in this friendship and hopefully get me to a point of feeling more secure about.
This is entirely consistent with my theory about what’s happening.
He doesn’t WANT you “included.”
The idea is to keep you out of the way so that you don’t disrupt this other developing relationship.
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>The goodbye kiss was almost rushed and he seemed nothing short of extremely exited about *finally* going home.
See “consistent,” above.
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>He tells me that we are good, that our relationship is strong and that i have nothing to fear. He tells me that there is no break ups in sight
HA! REALLY?
Well, then he may be thinking of having two girlfriends: one near, and one far.
You’ll have to decide how you feel about that possibility.
If this does come to pass, it’ll be very clear that yours will by far be the weaker of the two relationships… kind of a “backup”…
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> i can not shake the feeling of him being in this relationship for some other reason ( not that i know what that would be ) other than him wanting US!
Again, I gave you my theory.
I really, REALLY hope I’m wrong about it, but the evidence in favor is really piling up.
You can clarify all of this the next time you meet him in person. Ask him:
1. his plans with this girl,
2. whether he’s keeping you around as a backup, and
3. the possibility of him dumping this girl and focusing solely on you.
The answers to these questions will tell you what’s possible going forward.
No one is this naive , nice one but a bit too much..
he won’t consider your feelings about the situation OR let you meet her… those are the two nails in the coffin of his emotional affair.
The fact that you made this post shows me that you know how wrong his actions are. But then you say “I am so lost.” You’re not lost. You know the truth. You’re just afraid to lose him.
It’s okay to be afraid. But stop labeling it as confusion, and admit to yourself that his behavior is unacceptable.
My advice is to break up with him, but if you’re not ready for the nuclear option, I’d say decide exactly what you would need to change in order to feel comfortable in the relationship, and set your boundaries. If he’s not willing to give you what you need in order to feel safe and secure, that’s your sign.
You deserve someone who wants you and only you. You deserve someone who cares about your feelings and works with you like a team. Good luck. ♥️
I am in a long distance relationship myself and if my SO refused to introduce me to his female friends it would be a red flag for me.
What does your gut tell you? You have a woman’s intuition. Follow your instinct here.
Put your feelings aside and look at the facts.