Friday, March 24, 2023
HomeRelationship AdviceI have a skin condition and am worried about a potential partner...

I have a skin condition and am worried about a potential partner knowing or seeing.

I F(21) have had a skin condition called Hydradenitis suppurativa(HS) since I was 13-14 yrs old. It is a condition where you get inflamed bumps/boils/cyst/abscesses in areas like the groin, armpit, under the breast, buttcheeks, etc basically sweaty places that rub together and it occurs because of inflammation of the hair follicle. I unknowingly had it for all these years because I had thought they were ingrown hairs (even though I got them even when I didn’t shave). My problem area used to be my groin but now it’s more towards my asscrack lol. In addition to these bumps they leave scars in intimate areas that make me so insecure.
Although mine is fairly mild it makes me feel so alone because I had never met anyone with this condition and I am the only one in my family who has this.

Anyways I am in college and I started recently talking to a guy I don’t know where it’s gonna go but it brought me to a thought that if it were to go further i would have to tell him about my condition or atleast he would have to see my skin. I was just wondering if anyone in this group has this condition or have been with someone with this condition and what your thoughts are or how I should go about this?

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  1. I have this and I’ve been with my partner for six years. He’s very understanding when I’m in pain from it and has never once made negative comments about how I look from it.

    Most men won’t care but I understand the anxiety that comes with getting intimate with it.

    Also dial gold antibacterial bar soap or hibiclense is the best I’ve found for controlling and managing breakouts. Dial gold is an every day for me and hibiclense when it becomes really bad. Just thought you might try that if you haven’t.

    Best wishes.

  2. If you are comfortable enough to sleep with someone, then a “hey, I got a genetic skin condition, its not fatal and its not dangerous, but it happens to occur in some sensitive spots and I meeded to give you a heads up.” After dating a bit, it shouldnt be hard.

  3. Fellow HS sufferer. I’m 39 and only finally got diagnosed this year. It’s hell. 15 years ago I got my underarm sweat glands lasered (which was painful) to try to control it.

    I’d say when you think it’s going to go somewhere, then would be the time to let him know. Before that I wouldn’t bother.

    But I’m ace, so I’ve never had that conversation.

  4. there is no reason to tell anyone about this until you are well into dating. take your time and find someone nice. when it seems like things are heating up (months) and if you trust this person, you can tell them. but don’t make a big deal of it – many people have stuff that they don’t want to reveal

  5. So (just to give a TMI) I get a fungal -based rash between my boobs in the summer called tinnea versicolor that is sometimes wrinkly + raised and also has an odour. While it’s not something a partner ever mentioned, I was really embarrassed about it.

    My current boyfriend actually made a couple jokes about it before he realised I was self conscious, because it didn’t even occur to him it was something I’d be embarrassed about. Since then he hasn’t mentioned it but also has no hesitation putting his face right up in there (even when I hesitate because I think he SHOULD be grossed out).

    In summary: you can find people where this stuff is such a non-issue it completely removes the need to be self-conscious. I don’t know if the guy you’re talking to is one of them, but a lot of them exist and i think you’ll find one 🙂

  6. I dated a girl who had that condition and it was the best relationship I’ve ever had. If they run from that they are probably shallow and not worth the time anyways. Good luck with this guy!

  7. My husband, his sister, and my youngest have it. They make special soap you can buy to help kill the bacteria. Some people take an antibiotic to kill the bacteria every so often. My husband’s completely cleared up when he was given an antibiotic for pneumonia. So it can be managed that way. The less cysts/abscesses/boils, the less flare ups and scars. Maybe talk to your doctor and possibly a dermatologist. It is manageable, so don’t give up. You have little control over it, so try not to be embarrassed by it. Seriously though, you can save yourself pain and flare ups by talking to your doctor. Best of luck with the doctor and your new friend/date.

  8. Don’t have the same condition but I am covered in scars and spots and bumps.

    My partner is not just unbothered, he loves my body.

    HS is super miserable for you, but because of the discomfort it causes you it also becomes a bigger thing in your perspective than other people see it as. Nobody is actually “flawless.” Your partners will have hair and scars and bumps too. And will have insecurities about those things.

    Avoid shallow men like the plague. They are easily spotted because of how they talk about and treat others. But there are plenty of men who are not that shallow and you are not excluded from the possibility of being loved because of this.

  9. In my experience, Hydradenitis suppurativa is treatable, it responds very well to antibiotics and/or extremely small and easy surgical interventions. 🙂

    But keeping the treatment part aside, if you do feel it can have an adverse effect in your relationship, just be honest with your partner, at a point you’re comfortable. I understand it can be a scary thing to talk about, but being upfront about something which bothers at least one person will help both the parties, I feel.

  10. Scars never bothered me. As for the condition itself. You’ll just have to be open and if he can’t handle it, he’s not the guy for you. It doesn’t sound like it’s something you can hide.

  11. Oboy, I feel for ya. Most guys will not like this, but your inner beauty and a good understanding gentleman can happen. Don’t give up, follow the Dr’s advice

  12. I understand how you feel because when I was a kid I was insecure about my body and being overweight specifically and also had cystic acne, which hurt, and still occasionally get cystic acne. My current gf is amazing and does not care, actually didn’t even notice, I was the one who brought it up. The right person won’t care and will think you’re beautiful and will even want to help you heal from it or be supportive of that

  13. My boyfriend has hs I think it’s the most beautiful thing about him he’s so insecure about his scars but I love them I know it’s hard but find someone whose understanding

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