Saturday, April 1, 2023
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I (M26) had a very bad injury and feel useless as a husband and father

Around a month ago I had a really really bad break in my left leg. I have to do 3 months of rehab, ive had to take time off my job, and i can’t help out how i use to. I know like intellectually its not my fault, I literally can’t move properly but I still feel like shitty about it. I think im becoming burdensome. My wife has to do so much, she takes our daughter to daycare, works, gets groceries, she does everything and im just sitting on the couch like an ass hole. Money isnt an issue and I can work from home but it just feels bad like sitting on a couch all day than watching your wife do everything. I dont think this will cause any harm in our relationship and ive tried helping out how i can from home. Ive started ordering groceries, ordering like gifts for her and our daughter, but i still know how stressed she is and im just hopelessly watching. Maybe this is just the effect of being alone all day and worrying about things. Im hoping I can find other ways to help out.



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14 COMMENTS

  1. >I think im becoming burdensome. My wife has to do so much, she takes our daughter to daycare, works, gets groceries, she does everything and im just sitting on the couch like an ass hole.

    If your wife had the same injury, wouldn’t you do all that for her?

  2. So, since money isn’t an issue, see if your wife would be okay with more expensive choices that would take stuff off her plate. Ordering groceries delivered is a good one, as is ordering meals maybe more often than you normally would and maybe getting a cleaning service every other week while you’re recovering. Also, is there mental load that you could deal with? Setting up play dates for your daughter, appointments, calling insurance, any other sitting chores that you do?

    And finally, if your wife is overwhelmed, could you call family/friends/parents of your daughter’s friends who could help you out (like maybe dropping daughter off once or twice a week for the couple months)?

  3. I had a similar situation back in 2019. I was in rehab/speech therapy for over a year. Not trying to one-up you on injury, just want to let you know that I know where you are coming from. As a husband and father, it’s a terrible place to be. Try to use your downtime as constructively as possible. I was more mobile than it sounds like you are but I used my time to spend more time with my daughter. I took too long to recover though. I lost my relationship with my fiancé, had my brand new car that I had bought right before the injury get repossessed and was evicted from our home. Don’t let that happen to you. Hopefully your job is being held for you until you are cleared to return. For now, use your time to better yourself and your relationships. It doesn’t have to be a bad thing. See it as a well deserved vacation from work and all that shit. Good luck.

  4. You’re a good husband for worrying about this.

    You could offer her to fold laundry or something like that that you can do from sitting position, or a nice back massage at the end of the day 🙂

    Wish you a speedy recovery

  5. You are injured and need to heal … and heal properly.

    Your situation stinks, but many of us have been in your shoes. We marry for better or worse, in sickness and health … There may be a time when you have to do the same for your wife.

  6. Can always get up and vacuum.

    You’re welcome. It hurts, doesn’t it?
    Now sit down and heal.

    Perhaps find out from your doctor WHEN you can do things like cook and clean and the like. It’ll give you a goal to get to. In the meantime, broken leg.

    It’s BROKEN.

  7. You’ll be back to normal in a few months. And you’re bringing in a paycheck. Meanwhile, women will be posting here every day about their fully able-bodied partners who have done nothing for years. You’re fine.

  8. Oh man, I hear you. I’m a wife, not a husband, though, and I’m currently pregnant. It’s been a *bad* pregnancy. I’m basically confined to the couch or bed with vicious nausea all day. My husband works from home, pops out of his office frequently to check on me and the kids, and as soon as he’s done, he starts in on chores, childcare, making dinner, grocery shopping, etc, etc, etc, while I sit on the couch and try to eat ice cream. My husband consistently say that the most helpful thing I do is to see what he does. I tell him all the time how much I appreciate him, how thankful I am that he so clearly cares for me and our kids, what a great husband and dad he is. He says that really helps him to keep going when he’s exhausted too. So that’s my best advice for you. See your wife and say it out loud. It won’t be forever – you’ll be back on your feet eventually.

  9. My guy she’s your partner. That’s what marriage is about. You two are a team. If she was hurt you would do the same. Focus on healing and then helping later

  10. You need to get back in your power, regardless of the injury, you’re still a strong and powerful man. It’s common for men to feel a sense of dread at the very idea of being a burden, men are hard wired to provide and protect and that you feel bad for your wife is a sign of that. But it’s your energy that will be causing her more angst than the situation you find yourself in. And this may be what you’re feeling intrinsically. When men unconsciously fall into poor me energy it can create a negative shift in polarity and it’s that shift that triggers a primal feeling in the feminine of not being safe. Your situation is temporary, be confident about that. Keep helping out where you can and showering your wife with your highest energy and love. She needs to feel you are solid and strong, even in the storm, which will inevitably pass. It’s a tough situ right now, but there’s a lot to be thankful for. And there might be some deeper learning in it for you too? Something to consider, was there anything you were ignoring before the accident?

  11. A healthy relationship can handle these challenges. You can’t be equal partners all of the time. When your partner is sick or unable to handle the load, you take over to compensate and vice versa. It’s how you know you have a good partnership.

    My husband spends a bit of time in hospital and often feels like you do now. I reassure him by saying ‘when I am weak, you are strong’.

  12. Don’t forget to just tell her how much you appreciate her help at this time. Just that alone is enough. Only you can do that for her. You can still give her a massage or do things that you can do from sitting. I would consider how you could sit in the kitchen with your leg up and help her cook. You can read or play with your daughter from sitting. You could look at getting a robot vacuum maybe or something like that,

    Ask her what you can do to reduce her stress because you are feeling like you are wasting your time.

    You can also do exercises from sitting down so don’t let that stop you.

    You may be feeling down from not getting enough vitamin d or a loss of having a variety of things to look at. A SAD lamp is a useful item to have but you can plan meals with more vit d in them. There is also bone healing foods you might want to explore [foods](https://www.webmd.com/osteoporosis/osteo-fracture-diet)

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