Saturday, April 1, 2023
HomeRelationship AdviceI REALLY need someone to tell me I'm not crazy. Girlfriend's cousin...

I REALLY need someone to tell me I’m not crazy. Girlfriend’s cousin used her underwear to get off and GF has a shrugged “boys will be boys whaddya gonna do” attitude about the whole thing.

I’m early 30s. She is late 20s. We’ve been together almost three years and I have always opened my house to her friends and family. They’re all great and really fun people and I’m not going to lie I kind of look forward to it because my family isn’t close.

We are three hours away from her folks where everyone is having Thanksgiving this year, so for the people driving instead of flying we offered up my place for a “halfway” point kinda thing. That way people who live kinda close but still a bit far can take a break without having to pay for a hotel and shit.

I have motion activated cameras throughout my house for personal and financial reasons. Long story short I woke up the other morning to a video of her 19 year old cousin going through our laundry hamper, digging around, taking some of her clothing including underwear and bras and going into the bathroom.

She doesn’t want to say anything to anyone because she’s afraid of the consequences and it blowing up her family. She is trying to convince me he is just a horny kid going through he motions of adolescence. I want this little shit OUT of my house but they’re not leaving until Wednesday.

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  1. Ask him if he’s seen your panties in the laundry. It’s a kink you have. Tell him how wearing panties gives you freedom and he should try it. Also casually mention that your GF always hides her laundry in a different spot because she always hates mixing your panties up with hers. Now watch he’s face while you mention this.

  2. He is 19, an adult who you can have an adult conversation with. It starts with you showing him the video. He gets a window in which to decide what to do, and if his decision is not to leave immediately, you explain that either he’ll do that or you’ll share the video.

    It’s your house. You get to be comfortable in your own house. She’s not able to pull the pin on family.

  3. I will say 19 is a bit old for this kind of thing. A 14 year old experimenting would be one thing but by 19 you should know better.

    But this doesn’t need to be something that you blow up at him about, a simple conversation will probably mortify him, and also help him to understand why it’s wrong and creepy if you approach it right. If nothing else, it might help him confront the reality of how his behavior looks from the outside, since younger guys tend to have a unique ability to completely shut off their rational decision making mind during “private time.”

  4. 19 is way too old to be doing this shit, I’d pull him aside and just let him know you’ve got cameras In the house and you saw what he was upto, n let him know that that kind of behaviour is not tolerated in the household and you don’t appreciate that he thinks it’s okay to push these boundaries, especially being it’s his cousins “clothing” and if he’s this comfortable just rocking around and panty stealing from her, I don’t think this is the first time he’s done this, seems like he’s a bit too comfortable with helping himself to her clothes to “use”, so yeah just let him know this shit isint tolerated and he’s lucky you aren’t saying anything to anyone else, n if he acts up again you’ve got video evidence of him being a lil creep n you won’t hesitate to show everyone since he thinks it’s okay to “share” private items with his cousin you can share that video with everyone

  5. You’re not crazy. But you’re dealing with how women get unfairly socialized to not rock boats so to speak. I don’t have specific advice for you but try to think through a lens of how your girlfriend doesn’t want to throw a grenade at her family or the holiday.

    19 is a problematic age because he can’t just get a hotel. At the very least I would tell him (not her family) that your house has cameras and he acted disgusting.

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  7. If people are staying in your house you should make them aware they are on camera. If they were made aware of this already I apologise.

    This does not excuse her cousins behaviour, however you should take heed of your gf’s wishes.

    In your situation I would take him aside and tell him you know what he did and once he leaves on Wednesday he is not allowed back. He has to cover for why he isn’t going to stay again but if he blames you you will reveal the truth.

    I would strongly advise discussing this with your GF further though to impress how not normal her cousins behaviour is.

  8. I think you should confront him about it in private later. Definitely don’t make a big scene involving the whole family. It’s a personal matter that will just cause drama and disrupt everyone’s peace

  9. With 19 you are a full adult in my country (Germany). I never understand this “He is a kid” when they are over 18. He mostly goes to college, drives a car, but is a kid? Come on.

    I would tell the family that you have a nice thanksgiving movie and show the part in which he goes through her hamper. For real, to not do something while knowing it, is enabling.

    I would also put a not “Smile, you are on camera!” in the hamper before you go to bed and it is time for your cousin to “search for prey”

    And “Boys will be boys” is just stupid. I want to puke everytime i hear it. When you have children and one is a boy, will she also let him do everything with this saying?

  10. No no no. He’s 19 not 11. That’s gross and unacceptable. There needs to be a talk and he probably can’t stay in your home anymore. That’s such an invasion. I understand your girlfriend not wanting to cause problems with the family but he’s an adult. There needs to be a serious conversation with him.

  11. Id say “hey wanna see something cool? I got these really cool motion activated cameras all throughout my house that only go off when someone walks thru the house, it catches lots of funny stuff! Yeah me and your cousin or my girlfriend watch them every day to see who did what last night. I’ve caught lots of weird things with these babies. Usually sleep walkers but it’s always a good watch. You wanna watch them with us today? She said y’all are close and I figured it would be a good watch!”

  12. He did this in your house. You saw it. So you know you’re not crazy.

    We already know what happens when we speak up and now on top of knowing what will happen if she speaks up she’s got you expecting her to deal with it anyway. I am the sort that would speak up; I’d embarrass the shit out of him over it. But how I respond to this stuff doesn’t get me a good outcome like……ever.

    Nothing stopping you from dealing with it though. You’re the one who saw it.

  13. You’re not crazy but you must listen to your gf

    > She doesn’t want to say anything to anyone because she’s afraid of the consequences and it blowing up her family

    This is a perfectly valid reason. Realize it is your gf that has this done to her. She is the one who decides how to handle it, unless you intend to violate her agency.

  14. Take him to the side. Point out the camera to him. Tell him if you ever just think that he might have done something like that again, you’ll show the video to his parents.

  15. You should talk to him from Man To (IDIOT)Boy.
    You gf can decide if she doesn’t want it made public, but nobody stops you from having an honest (and rightfully angry) talk with him. Because she’s your partner and you want her to be respected.

  16. No matter what a woman does or how she reacts to what a male did, it’s always her fault.

    The 19 year old is wrong, she needs to set boundaries, you need to chill and let everyone know you have cameras.

    Be a partner/team player with your gf instead of putting this all on her.

    They leave soon anyways so just don’t have them back over lol

  17. Is it just me concerned about the fact that you have cameras all over your house and you don’t tell the people who come over that they’re being recorded???

    I’ve literally spent hours in therapy talking about my paranoia about this EXACT THING, I always think I’m being watched and recorded and filmed and it drives me crazy. While I’ve never taken anyone’s underwear or anything, everyone has a right to privacy and like if they’re staying in your living room or something and getting undressed before bed you then have that footage.

    I think it’s fucked that you aren’t informing people of these cameras.

  18. I think she has to frame it in that way, op, for her own sanity.

    He is her cousin and she will have to see him again at family functions, so dismissing his behaviour allows her to avoid being massively creeped out in the future.

    Have a talk with the little shit, if you must, if you want to notify his parents maybe take his father aside and tell him what you saw him do – if you don’t make it a loud announcement in front of all of the family it will be dealt with and the chance of blowing up her family will be almost nill.

  19. I need you to not judge her reaction. Her ability to play it off is a just a coping response. She’s unbothered but I think you need to kick the cousin out and tell the family what he did. Don’t put that on her as she’s the one who had to deal with the burden but he definitely needs to be confronted

  20. > I have motion activated cameras throughout my house for personal and financial reasons.

    For “personal and financial reasons?” Wow.

    That sounds a wee bit creepy, but it’s your house, so it’s probably legal. Still, kinda weird.

  21. He was just going through the laundry and going to the bathroom, maybe he was going to rinse them out for her.

    It’s all just harmless stuff, right?

    Post the video to the family group chat and thank him for helping.

  22. He’s 19 not 16 or 13 or a child really. He’s fully aware of what he’s doing and it needs to be addressed. Maybe not to the whole family but like alone and set boundaries and maybe explain he needs to respect people’s privacy. If he wants to smell girls underwear or clothes get a gf yourself mate but don’t go after your cousin Jesus. Hornyness doesn’t mean no self control.

  23. Take him shopping. Walk through Victorias Secret at the mall or better yet a adult lingerie store. If he finds it awkward and uncomfortable, just tell him getting off on your cousins undies is much more uncomfortable.

  24. Tell his parents privately, let them know you’re giving them this chance to resolve it without making a scene in front of other family members, insist that they force this guy into therapy. He’s not a child, and he is proceeding down a sick and dangerous path. Let them know that unless they demonstrate to you in the future that they’ve pursued some sort of course correction for him, that you cannot have him under your roof again.

    Furthermore, your GF deserves an apology, whether she thinks so or not.

  25. Bruh, I’d tease him when he’s in the laundry room.

    Purposely creep up on him from behind (when he’s doing laundry) and say something casually like “I hope you don’t mind I’ve got cameras all over the house. Them raccoons always know how to break into weird places.”

    Just when he’s bend over trying to grab something from the machine (probably him trying to make it look normal), you just lean in and say, “So you know, I saw a trashapanda took something from the laundry room the other day and it was all on camera. ALL OVER.”

    Then pat him on his back, “Hope that trashpanda knows this is my house and returns what was taken. And maybe never do that again in my house. Happy Thanksgiving, kiddo.”

    And be on your merry way lmao

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