Saturday, April 1, 2023
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I think my brother in law cheated on my sister but I’m not sure


I’m 27f. I have a sister who is 36f A she’s married to James who is also 36. Early summer we went on vacation to the beach, along with my parents, boyfriend, and my sister and her husbands kids. While we were there a friend of mine from college, Ava (26f) texted me and said she was nearby and asked if I wanted to meet up for a few drinks. I said sure and invited my sister and brother-in-law along with us. My sister wasn’t feeling well but told James to go out and have a few drinks so he came along.

James is normally very quiet and doesn’t talk to many people, he’s just a pretty reserved guy. But him and Ava hit it off right away, when James recognized one of Ava’s tattoos from a really obscure band that turned out was both of their favorites. I heard James talk more to Ava in the floor hours we were there than I’ve heard him say to my boyfriend, ever. At one point I went outside for a minute then came back in, they weren’t at them bar anymore and I didn’t see them for another 45 minutes, but I wasn’t actively looking for them, they claimed they were at the upper bar upstairs.

After that James and Ava added each other on all their socials, they interact with each other more than anyone else (and mind you before this James was NEVER on social, but the minute Ava posts something he’s the first to like or comment on it.

Two months after we saw each other, Ava moved with a new job, to a town about 20 minutes from the town we live in. James, who as far as I know has never had any reason to go there, is now always talking trips there (he claims he “likes the stores there better” than the ones he used to go to in a different town about ten minutes away but he just made this switch recently…about the same time Ava moved.)

Last night Ava announced she’s pregnant. But she has no boyfriend anywhere on her page, she didn’t tag anyone in the post other than her family but she captioned the picture of the announcement WE are so excited to announce the arrival of OUR newest addition May 2023.

I want to message her congratulations and ask who the baby’s father is. I’m not alone for thinking it might be my brother in laws right? I don’t want to accuse anyone of anything but. My boyfriend thinks so too. Btw, I have tried to shared some of these concerns with my sister. She was doing something else for her son, so I don’t think she really was listening to me.. But she’s going through some health stuff with their oldest so I don’t want to push things/stress her out too much if I’m not sure there’s something going on.

**I’m going to talk to my sister again. And tell her the entire situation, and all of my concerns. but I wanted to come on here for some outside advice as well before I did.**

**update** I texted Ava, we’re currently catching up now

**update 2** we’re still texting. I’m at work so it’s not a continuous convo lol. But basically what I’ve gotten so far is that she’s keeping her relationship quiet now for “privacy reasons “, but it is someone I know.


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  1. Wow, lots of mixed advice on this one. If I were in your shoes, I would meet up with my friend Ava and have a normal convo with her about her life and how she’s doing. Regardless of how close you two are, I think it’s normal to congratulate her and ask some non- threatening questions about the dad. I also think you need to have another convo with your sister where you’re more clear about all of the suspicions. Maybe after you talk to Ava. Hopefully it is all just coincidental, but without being there and witnessing all of this myself, it’s really hard to know how it all went down.

  2. Might as well ask her (innocently and not aggressively) and see what she says. She probably won’t tell you if you’re the wife’s sister. See if you can find information out another way, through mutual friends or something.

  3. I mean the interactions are definitely suspicious, but you don’t have nearly enough info to tell anyone they are cheating.

    Your BIL may just have a crush on this girl, which, yes, he should stay away from her and cut contact, but to say they are cheating on the info you have alone? Not nearly enough.

    If I were you, I would maybe talk to your friend and see if she will divulge anything. Other than that, all you can do is keep your eyes open and wait

  4. You could send her a message saying congratulations on the good news, and then ask some innocent questions about her situation. It wouldn’t be rude to ask if the father is happy too, or if she has a boyfriend that she hasn’t mentioned (less conspicuous than outright asking her if your brother in law is the father). Do some digging if you can before you present this to your sister.

  5. Just an idea. Text Ava and tell her your sister just told you that she’s pregnant and you’re not supposed to tell anyone but you couldn’t hold in your excitement and how you couldn’t be happier that she and Ava will be going through pregnancy together.

    If Ava’s baby daddy is BIL I’m sure she’ll say something to him…and if your BIL confronts your sister about it, you’ll know for sure…

  6. Very simple. Go to brother in law and very neutrally say “Ava told me everything”. Don’t say another word and don’t break eye contact. Judge his reaction. And if you’re wrong, you can bust out a smile and say how excited you are for her.

  7. So you need hard proof before you make an accusation like that. Once you accuse, there is no taking it back. Unless your friend Ava confesses it’s James’ kid or you find texts or anything that admits they are a thing, you shouldn’t say anything. If anything, when the child is born I’m sure she will post pics or guaranteed she will post pregnancy pics
    Every woman does that nowadays so it may take awhile, but if she doesn’t say then better to keep quiet till you have hard proof and cause major drama in your family

  8. Right now all of this is just circumstantial evidence. If you present it to your sister with what you have and end up wrong (or can’t hack it up with proof) it’s going to ruin your relationship with them for a very long time. Your waking right into a minefield.

    As others stated, if your determined to go down this road get real hard evidence that he’s cheating. Photos would be great. His car parked in her driveway with gps tagging. Anything that can back up your claims.

    Is this change in behavior coinciding with him meeting this woman suspicious? Sure. Could it be all just coincidence? Maybe. Are they just two friends who have a shared love of an obscure early 2000s punk ska band? Sounds like it? Is he planting his seeds in her garden and seeing what blooms? One, very irresponsible if he is, and two, also possible. We just don’t know. It could all be very innocent and they’re just forming a friendship over common interests or he’s a dick weasel and cheating on his wife like a ducking bastard.

    Get some proof. Find out if he really is the baby daddy. Again, they could just be friends. It’s be terrible to blow things up if he really does like the shops over there better or they are just hanging out and nothing nefarious is happening.

  9. Unless you have hard proof there is nothing to be gained out of putting that stress over a “what if” on your sister IMO. Putting that tension on theyre relation ship can’t be taken back, and if there very very slim 1% chance hes not cheating, you cant take back putting those suspicions in there heads.

  10. If i read correct your boyfriend believes this situation is true also. Maybe you two could team up and follow James one day and see what he is up to. That way if he is up to no good then you will have someone to help you with the detective work.

  11. Ava is keeping her relationship quite for “privacy reasons” but is someone you know. Yeah, privacy reason being that he is married. I have very little hope of this going any other way than him having cheated on your sister sadly.

  12. I’d love to say that they are innocent friends and just meeting up to hang and stuff but if that was the case I’m sure he wouldn’t make it a secret. Ugh. This makes my stomach hurt. I hope it’s a misunderstanding.

  13. I’d hire a PI to trail James. You already told your sister your suspicions, and she brushed you off. Unless you have concrete evidence, she’s going to do so again, if not outright get angry at you. It’s easier to believe her sister is crazy/jealous than to realize that her family is over. With concrete proof she might still get angry at you, but she won’t be able to deny it.

  14. “Have you and your husband decided on a name?”

    “Do you and your husband know the gender yet?”

    Asking questions like that and her response will give you the answers you seek.

  15. Whoa wtf she’s pregnant out of thr blue?? Did she know james was married to your sister? Also, did he comment or like the post she made about the pregnancy? Your sister should look through his phone, I’m sure that baby is his how sad.

  16. If you don’t have tangible evidence, mind your own business and keep your optinions to yourself.

    If you have tangible evidence, then show it to your sister.

  17. Tell your friend you are very happy for her. Tell her that you hope to meet the father. It is a little shocking that you can’t make sure the father is a good guy. As being a single parent is hard. Go on the concerned friend shtick. “ I know you need your privacy but I don’t know who he is. Is he good to you?Does he show up for appointments? What does he do to help you with your pregnancy? You don’t have to tell me who he is but please reassure me that this secretive man actually cares for you because I’m terrified of you being neglected.” I say this because if it isn’t your bil then you have answers to these questions. If it is she will end up telling you in a way.

  18. I would tell your sisters husband your thoughts and tell him you will be voicing your concerns to Ava and your sister.

    Or I would have a meet up with you sister, BIL and Ava and talk about the baby to see how they act with each-other.

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