Starting off my fiancé wanted this baby. When proposed he said this would be the right time to start trying. He said that if we’re planning to get married within a year or two the baby would already be born and it would be great. So we started trying soon after I was pregnant. After finding out I was pregnant not too long ago I was excited when I told him this his reaction was weird. He was like oh already? I’m like yeah so he seemed pretty chill about it. First month of pregnancy I was was really sick all my fiancé did was complain and say oh the baby is making you sick and I’m so sorry I put you through this. Now in my second month of pregnancy and he seems almost annoyed with it. The other day he’s like I wish we could just abort. I felt hurt and asked why? He said oh how he’s not ready and we’re still young and it’s making you sick. I’m just not ready for this anymore. We should just wait into after we get married for this but now is not the time. I’m confused on what I should do or say we haven’t talked about it since . I feel uncomfortable with talking about it now.
I’m pregnant and my fiancé says he wishes we could abort
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Do you want the baby? Do you want to stay with him if he doesn’t, whether you abort or not? This is a huge life change coming. Babies change everything and I’m not trusting this guy.
I mean, you have to talk about it at some point. It’s not just going to go away. It’s not like this is disagreeing on what you’re having for dinner or something. This is a big fucking deal. I’d argue it’s a bigger commitment than marriage. Do you want to have this child? Like 100% sure? Especially with a man who’s this flaky.
Honestly? If you do. I’d be going in under the assumption you’re going to be a single parent. Either he wanted to just have unprotected sex or now that the reality of him having a child is setting in he realized how dumb of a mistake he made. You’re only 21, you need to think long and hard about what you want to do. Could you support this child?
And you should definitely be rethinking this whole marriage thing. How long have you two even been together? You’re 21, he’s 27 and you’re already talking about marriage?
Edit: you were 18 and he was 23 when you got together. Explains a lot. I get this dude is your first love and all that but he does not sound like he’s ready to be a father at all and if you have this baby I don’t think he’s going to magically change. He wouldn’t have just brought up an abortion for no reason.
People wants things then regret it the moment they get it all the time.
Kind of hard here cause you’re pregnant, you’re not holding a blender at the cash register.
Discuss the issue with him, maybe he’s shit at communicating his fears, but be prepared to hear some ugly truths, and in the long run, to be a single parent. Sorry it’s harsh, however, when your partner’s immediate reaction to you getting pregnant (which he encouraged and enabled and was an active participant in) is “oh. so quick huh, uff, i change my mind, abort will robinson abort”, I think it’s the perfect time for bluntness.
Girl I’m sending hugs. I’m pregnant with baby #2 and the first trimester sucks so badly but with trimester two, most start to feel a lot better and get their energy back and I’m wishing that for you. With that being said, you need to do what’s rights for you. If you want this baby you should keep it. It rubs me wrong that a 27 year old pressured a 21 year old into getting pregnant only to then want to abort when it actually happened. I would be rethinking the man. I’m rooting for you in whatever you do.
It’s clear he hasn’t thought anything through, not even his words to you. Don’t bottle how you feel, having friends or family around when you talk to him about it should help ease tension and give you support
Ouch. I’m so sorry. It’s like buyer’s remorse. I will admit that while my second child was very planned, I panicked for a week after seeing a positive test. I felt overwhelmed. I got over it about week two. Is it possible this is temporary panic?
Did he want to just have unprotected sex and not realize it would happen ? He seems like a major idiot if he is this impulsive to change his mind.
Honestly OP, if I were you I would have an abortion. You are only 21…and unmarried. This guy is 27 and has already shown himself to be flaky AF. He said he wished you could abort. He’s telling you he doesn’t want the baby. I think if you have this baby, not only will this man not actually marry you, you will be a single mom. As a single mom you will very likely struggle financially and emotionally, and have a much harder time finding a future partner. I think in 10 years time, you would probably look back and be glad that you had the abortion and didn’t lock yourself into this messed up situation.
Maybe you should abort him instead.
We all know how this is gonna end, he basically “baby trapped you” and now he has the best excuse to be an AH to you because he is gonna use the “I told you I wasn’t ready”. Even tho he got you pregnant on purpose and it’s obvious that’s what happens when you try for a baby. You are 21 and he is 28? How long have you been together? he took advantage of someone who is young and naive at 21. He looks narcissistic in my eyes.I hope whatever you do, it’s for your own good, not his. You are still young and have so much life to live. Good luck OP.
OP, did you notice that this post is all about what HE wants and doesn’t want? WHAT ABOUT YOU? What do YOU want?
Do you want to be a single mom?
That’s what going to happen.
Youd better think long and hard about that. Do not marry this asshole.
I do not know your ages but you sound very young.
Seems like he wanted unprotected sex and not a baby.
At this moment he gives all the red flags of the future bad father. Talk to him, if he can’t adult maybe you have to run away
Sounds like you go along with whatever he wants. Is that the case? Your behavior/reactions match a 21 year old. His do not match a 27 year old IMO
yyeeeuuup i aborted when my ex did this to me. i was 13 weeks in and said nope if youre not sure and doing this to me now chances are we’ll break up or he’ll cheat soon after the baby is born.
BOTH parents should be in 100% and if one or both aren’t, sorry but that’s just a road leading to destruction. i doubt couples counseling will fix much. i tried with mine, didn’t do anything except make him realize he absolutely didn’t want the baby even more.
i aborted. thank god i did. we split and I would’ve been a single mom in this day and age where EVERYTHING is expensive and can hardly be done independently. my life would’ve been a harsh living hell.
if i want a child, ill have a child with a man who is there all the way for me. this doesn’t just sound like cold feet. this sounds like you’re about to be a single mother. think about that before bringing a permanent decision to your life.
You think it’s bad now? Wait until the labor.
Better yet, take him to a lamaze class. *Oh boy* I can hear him flipping out now.
It sounds like he keeps telling you what you want to hear when you press him. But when you’re not pressing him, he lets it slip how he really feels. I wouldn’t rely on what he says to make a decision. Go with your gut instead. Personally, I would get an abortion. He sounds so unreliable. But it’s ultimately your decision.
Just be very careful. One of the most dangerous times for a woman to experience unexpected domestic violence is during a pregnancy.
This was a one off comment – but if his behavior escalates, changes or he suddenly becomes more ‘attacking’ either physically or verbally – you need to consider if you are safe with this man, and will your child be safe with him.
It could have been a mindless comment, or it could be the beginning of something else.
Just be careful, keep your eyes open to changes in his personality and keep your support network close.
Well he is showing and telling you that he is not your forever partner so it’s up to you what you do with your baby but don’t expect him to be there to help you or anything. No matter what you do with the baby you need to dump this guy.
So what advice are you looking for? You have posted this on different subs.
Like are you considering abortion or open to it? Are you just not going to talk to him about it? When you guys were talking about pregnancy, did you go into depth? Did you talk about finances? Who was going to stat at hime with the kid? Do you both work? Child care?Why was before the marriage a good idea? How long have yall been together & yalls ages? This is missing a lot if information.
First, pregnancy is hard. Its not a lot of fun for either person unless you have a perfect pregnancy. I know after I got pregnant with our long awaited first child that we both had second thoughts during the first 4 months when I had morning sickness (that was all day sickness). It is okay for him to have cold feet. Both of you are going to go through a range of emotions. However, it is not fair for him to be talking about wishing you two could abort after actively trying for a child.
I’m not clear on how old you two are, but I suspect you both are very young. The idea of bringing a new baby into the world is overwhelming, even when it is planned. Give him time to come back around once you aren’t sick anymore. I’m not saying it is right for him to act this way but unfortunately its not uncommon.
Marry before you carry is a saying for a reason. Getting married is a huge emotional event and change of lifestyle. You should spend a couple of years adjusting to being married before adding in another huge lifestyle change like parenthood.
I would have an abortion if I was you, not be a single mother off the bat
I can’t assume what birth control methods you were using before this but I could imagine he got excited about the idea of not wearing a condom and hoped that he could have raw sex with you and get to finish inside you if he convinced you he wanted a baby right now. Then it blew up in his face because it happened right away.
What a loser.
You are so screwed. You need to get yourself prepared on doing this alone. He’s bailing on you. Morning sickness is the least of your worries if he can’t handle that.
If I were you, I’d lose him and Lee the baby. That is some BS right there! Ultimately it’s your decision, but making a choice to get pregnant and then changing his mind would not sit well with me. I’m so sorry this happened to you, but better you see his bad side now than after marriage. WIC will help you with Insurance and food expenses. I wish you the best!
The baby isn’t even here and he can’t support you in just the pregnancy? If his actions don’t change immediately, just know that any nice words he says are bullshit and you’re going to be pretty alone in this.
Leave his ass. He is not reliable.
oh dear, oh my, he is flaking out on you now with little things and the baby isn’t even here yet
ask yourself, please, how is he going to act once it’s his turn to look after it and your home together after you’re busy recuperating postpartum? are you going to end up doing everything by yourself while your body is still recovering?
he’s not pulling his weight now; so, is he going to step up once things are harder, more complicated, and there’s another living being y’all will be responsible for around? it really doesn’t seem like it based on the post and the updates like he would, and you deserve a partner who would be there for you 100% in one of the most difficult life events a person can experience
My perception, based clearly off of this post, is that neither of you really have a grasp on what it truly means to have a child. Pregnancy included. It seems like in a way, you just feel like babies are the natural progression of life and are a requirement (to an extent). This is not true. I know this advice is clearly coming too late, but it’s also super important that very specific conversations are had regarding pregnancy and child rearing. I might be wrong, but it sounds like both of you are really young. You’ll learn a lot from this process and I hope he grows with you through it, and it doesn’t cause you to grow apart. Be vigilant from here on out because these emotions he’s displaying now could be a sign for some darker times to come in your relationship. Have conversations and go to counseling if you are able before they baby is born. I wish you both the best.
My wife is 32 weeks pregnant with twins and is having an awful time. It’s so hard on her body and she developed preeclampsia and cholestasis in her third trimester. If you’re not too far into the pregnancy it may be worth considering other options. You sound young and you’re not even married, plus the father doesn’t want the pregnancy, are you sure this is what you want?
Listen OP, I think you need to reflect on if this man is right for you. I find it troubling that you were 18 and he was 26 when you guys started dating. Looking at the comments you responded to me makes it appear that you are in a toxic relationship and that he may be manipulating you. Forget the sunken cost fallacy as well as you are way too young and full of life to be wasting it on a 30 year old man child who leaves his pregnant GF depressed and alone while he goes to the bar with his bros