Saturday, April 1, 2023
HomeRelationship AdviceI’m upset because I felt my partner was rude to my dad,...

I’m upset because I felt my partner was rude to my dad, but my dad wasn’t offended. Should I bring it up?

My partner and I have been together for three years, living together for two.

My mom died four years ago and I’m an only child, so my dad is my only immediate family left.

Basically my dad came over to our apartment around mid morning to cook/eat/celebrate thanksgiving with us. He lives on the other side of the country but this is where he grew up so he’s been in town for a week visiting friends. My dad walked through the door and my partner was right in the middle of the living room playing video games. I went over, greeted my dad, gave him a hug and wished him happy thanksgiving.

My partner didn’t acknowledge his existence. Didn’t look up from his game, didn’t say anything.

After a moment of awkward pause my dad quietly went “uhhhh…hi [partners name]” and my partner half mumbled a reply.

My dad is a very chill, laidback, non-confrontational, type of person; so I don’t think he was upset by this, but I found it extremely rude.

Throughout the whole visit my partner has been very distant with my dad, I can probably count the sentences he’s said to him on one hand. And ngl it’s a huge turn off. I don’t expect them to be best friends (my dad is not the FIL type, and my partner does not want another father figure), but I’m upset that my partner isn’t making more of an effort. He’s an antisocial person in general, but my dad is a very (actually probably the most) important person in my life and my partner basically ignoring him really hurts me and ruined the holiday (one of my favorites) for me.

At the same time my dad wasn’t upset by this so maybe I’m blowing it out of proportion?

Edit: we talked about it. He said that that was just who he is, so I ended up ending it. This was the straw that broke the camels back. After three years it’s rough, and our lease isn’t up til next year :/

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  1. You’re not overreacting. That’s fucking rude. Is this dude 12 or something because that’s something I might expect from a kid and correct right in the moment. But an adult? Good grief.

  2. Your dad is upset trust me….he’s worried about you with this asshole. He just can’t find a way to say it and ruin the few moments he gets with you. This should be an eye opening experience for you as to what kind of a man you’re with

  3. >my dad is a very (actually probably the most) important person in my life and my partner basically ignoring him really hurts me and ruined the holiday (one of my favorites) for me.

    This is the problem. Antisocial or not, your partner didn’t care enough about you to make minimal effort of politeness. That is a big concern and a flag that cannot just be swept under the rug.

  4. Ditch him girl if all he does all day is play video games and is rude af to your dad when it’s clear you care for him deeply he isn’t worth your time or effort. Especially if he can’t see that what he did was wrong.

  5. Total asshole move. Your father is just a classy guy who didn’t want to make a stink while visiting his kid. Because his primary concern is your happiness, not his own. And he probably doesn’t like your boyfriend at all anyways, so maybe being ignored by him is kind of a plus.

    Edit: minor typo

  6. You’re not overreacting, you have a great dad and feel he deserves certain respect. My dad’s the same and even tho I’m laid back like him I can get protective of how he’s treated lol. I had to learn that not everyone has the same standards.

    Unless your partner is a jerk, there’s probably a reason for his behavior. He’s antisocial but is he standoffish with other people you’ve introduced him to? It’s not confrontational of you to be like “I don’t like how you interacted with my dad. I wouldn’t allow someone to interact that way with you. I need you to talk to me why you seemed so cold to a really important person in my life.”

  7. You’re totally not overreacting in my opinion. I love my dad so much, I would be so livid with my partner if they did this. You’re totally valid.
    It’s common fucking courtesy.

    I would bring it up like.

    “Hey, I feel that the way you didn’t really greet or acknowledge my dad yesterday really bothered me, I know you were playing a game but I felt that you could have at least put more effort in. Are you willing to work on that?”

    Or something. I don’t know though. To me, that would be a deal breaker because I am old and I have dated my fair share of “anti social” people and if they can’t even acknowledge or even try to be friendly to the people in my life that are important to me, then that’s a no for me.

  8. You’re not overreacting. He was blatantly rude & disrespectful- not just upon your dad’s arrival, but throughout the whole day. I would never allow anyone to disrespect my family in such a way.

  9. Good for you.
    Him saying “It’s just who I am” is the last idiotic recourse of the immature and self-centered.

    Basic common courtesy, good manners and kindness are something he should be ashamed about not showing on a rude whim.

  10. Your father is a very smart man, he blew it off, because he doesn’t want to hurt you or cause problems between you and your boyfriend. Deep inside, he is saying to himself, my daughter boyfriend is an asshole and I hope she see it before it’s to late.

    You tell your boyfriend, he can always be replace, but not your father. Tell him, if you don’t show my father some respect next time he is here. The relationship is over.

  11. Your boyfriend was rude. It’s worth bringing it up to him that rudeness is not acceptable. Maybe your dad just wanted to keep the peace or maybe he really wasn’t offended. However, you were embarrassed and offended. Being antisocial is not an excuse to be impolite.

  12. Every time I read these posts about people in relationships with gamers, I wonder why the various OPs put up with the bullshit. Your partner is rude, insensitive and self centered. I would reconsider being with him if I were you. Tell him how you feel, how you want him to improve and if he doesn’t meaningfully change, you’ll understand how ultimately irrelevant you are to him.

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  14. Your partner is being rude unless something has transpired between them before. Your father is being very gracious in ignoring his behavior. They don’t have to be besties but common courtesy is necessary. Is your partner only like this with your father or is this normal for him? You can talk to him about it but really unless your dad has done something to offend him, he’s behaving boorishly. Talk to him about it once your dad leaves.

  15. That is extremely rude, they basically blew your dad off and didn’t care for him being there. In fact it seemed like your partner didn’t want your father there for Thanksgiving. I would talk to him about how you feel and moving forward see how he is toward you, your friends, and father again. Ask yourself, is this the person I want to spend the rest of my life with? Because your family is a vital part of your relationship. Regardless whether your father did not mind the interaction, it on you. Please consider this moving forward

  16. You aren’t blowing it out of proportion. That is extremely rude. I’ve known children with better manners. Just because your dad doesn’t seem upset or isn’t telling you he is, doesn’t mean he isn’t concerned. You can have a talk with your bf about this and proper table manners, but OP, do you want to?

  17. He’s your dad not his, there’s a high chance you had a different upbringing and therefore see things a little different, if your father was unbothered by it then leave it at that, if you feel it was rude of him and you decide to speak up about it make sure he knows its you and not your dad speaking, could cause some friction in the future.

  18. My partner plays video games in every minute of his spare time and it’s a huge turn off for me. If my dad were still alive and treated him like that I would have lost my fucking mind. Good on you for keeping it cool OP. I don’t think you’re overreacting. Good luck ❤️

  19. It is relatively rude.

    If I am being honest, I don’t much like my MIL, and if she came over to my place, it is unlikely I would break concentration from whatever I was doing to give her my attention. But I would also 100% still audibly greet her, even if I didn’t want to give her my attention.

    Does your bf not like your dad? Do they have beef with each other?

  20. In a relationship respecting you and family should be the first thing (not if they are disrespecting them) you’re not in the wrong to feel upset. Talk to him how you found it upsetting that he didn’t respect your dad. If he’s antisocial he could atlest introduced themselves and asked how was he doing and excused themselves not that hard

  21. Your partner is rude, disrespectful and immature!! Is this what you want in a partner. He need not be buddy buddy with your father; however, cordial would be expected!

  22. You can be offended, but it’s not your job to be offended for someone else.
    It’s rude that the BF can’t even be cordial to someone that’s important to you, I understand the break up, but it had nothing to do with you.

  23. Yep it’s rude. How often does he interact with your father? If he’s been with you for 3 years then I’d assume your father has interacted with your partner a few times. Is your partner always like this? Even if your father was genuinely not bothered, there’s nothing wrong with telling your partner that something he did upset you. That’s called good communication.

    I will pick up on something you wrote. “… my dad is … (actually probably the most) important person in my life …”

    If after 3 years together your partner isn’t at least as important in your life as your father is, then it may be time to rethink the relationship. That’s for your partner’s sake as much as yours.

  24. Doesn’t sound like it was a big deal. My ex’s father and I definitely did not like each other at all. He’s a real asshole. But, we were cordial at family get togethers. They don’t have to build a relationship or even like each other. The way I saw it was I had to see her dad 1-2x a year and I could tolerate that.

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