Saturday, April 1, 2023
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Is my boyfriend [22M] a bum or am i [20F] just a b*tch?

Disclaimer: this is my first time posting so i apologize if it’s not very cohesive

almost a month ago my boyfriend lost his job. he hated the place and people and they fired because of something that turned out to not even be true. neither of us were too upset about the situation, however the issue lies in the fact that he still does not have a job. before he got the previous job he was fired from, he was also fired from the job before that only about 6 months prior. it took him almost a 1.5 months before he settled on another job. he says he’s not picky but insists on staying in the same field, wants more money, and refuses to work anymore than 20 minutes. his resume in no way backs him enough to make such demands. (not taking shots at him, he’s very educated in said field but most companies in our industry only care about professional experience) and i have even brought up the fact that we’re entering the slow season so most companies aren’t jumping to hire people and suggested a different job for now. he’s been staying at my place the past couple weeks and has since depleted his remaining funds. i’m sure you’re all aware of the state of the economy and understand my frustration in suddenly having to feed and shelter an additional person. he doesn’t do much to help around anymore while i’m at work and i’ll often come home to a messy house that i had literally cleaned before i left for work. i understand he’s more than likely depressed about not having a job or money but it doesn’t outwardly seem like he’s too concerned about his situation. i’ve been debating asking him to go back to his place, aka his mothers, until he gets a job but i wanted to make sure i wasn’t over reacting. its not the most dire situation but any insight is genuinely appreciated.

TLDR; I feel like my boyfriend is freeloading and i can’t afford it anymore.

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  1. He is being a mooch.

    Sit him down and tell him, either he gets his act together by getting a job and cleaning up after himself or he has to go. You’ll give him until Jan 1st go get a job and any job. After that for him to stay with you he needs to KEEP a job and help pay the bills and continue to clean.


    it’s prior to Dec 1st give him notice to gtfo by Jan 1st. Your not his mother. If he can’t be an equal partner then he’s not a good partner.

    I want to caveat this by saying him not having a job isn’t the worst part. Is his entitlement to leave your place a mess. He is totally acting like a child.

  2. I had a similar situation with my bf about a month ago he has alot of savings and I wonder why I don’t have much saved even thou I make much more than him. So I went through my bank statements and separated my personal expenses (which isn much)house expensive, and expenses I spent on the both of us or just him.

    It brought light to the situation and has smoothed out alot and are finances are split appropriately for how much we make which for us is about 60/40 when before it was 80/20 we are both able to save and anything I spend on the bother of us or house I tell him and he will send money to cover some of it so it just not me paying it.

    Maybe have a conversation similar will help? And be very honest but keep a level head cuz I understand it a sensitive topic for most people :/

  3. How is a 22 year old “highly educated” in his field? He’s been fired twice at least.

    I think you’re getting taken, all this is going to do is cost you more money and heart ache the longer it goes on.

    What would *you* be doing in his shoes?? Probably applying to jobs a few hours a day. Cleaning the house, organizing a closet, making dinner. What’s he doing?

  4. Taking 1.5 months to find a new job isn’t unreasonable, and he hasn’t even been jobless for a whole month yet. It is reasonable to want to stay in the same field, rather than switch fields and have to start at the bottom.

    But he needs to take care of the household chores at least as much as you do. Don’t be his mother, tell him he is not a guest in your space, he is your partner, and he needs to do his share.

  5. Kick that man out. He sounds like a bum and makes excuses. Where is his pride to be employed and at a bare minimum provide for himself? You are right, the economy and job market is getting tough and you shouldn’t be having to support a grown man that is depleting his cash and not taking accountability. Let his mother take him back in

  6. Dudes can be always unemployed, fired from whatever jobs they do end up getting temporarily, be broke af and zero ambitions to improve anything in their life, and also be a slob. And still have someone wasting their life away with them. Just because you are in love with a loser doesn’t make them any less of a loser.

  7. If you’re loaning him money, stop now! Get him to agree to pay you back in full – get it in writing. Whether or not you decide to stay with him, you will drain yourself if you keep supporting him. If you break up, and you don’t have a written agreement, you’ll never see your money again (happened to me – thousands of dollars down the drain because we had a verbal agreement that he would repay me). With a written agreement, you can take him to court if you need to.

  8. Girl you’re 20. You’re supposed to be stupid, have fun and enjoy life.

    Not babysit a grown ass man.

    Take back your life. As an older person I can tell you that you will never get these years back, go reclaim your life.

  9. Hasn’t even been unemployed a month… both you sound immature and not ready for a relationship. You claim he has a career since you mention work field it often takes more than a few days to find a job..

  10. “Hey, it seems to me that you are spinning your wheels a bit as far as getting a job. I don’t see myself in the role of sole breadwinner. Let’s agree on a timetable.”

  11. You’re not overreacting. You need to be straight with him, give him some tough love. That you currently can’t afford to be paying for two people to live and either he needs to get a job asap, whether it be for his career, or at least a part time job that can help with bills, otherwise he needs to go back to his mothers.

    I know losing a job can be hard and really out you down, I’ve been laid off before as well. But that doesn’t give you a freebie to mooch off others. You’re still a grown ass adult that needs to take care of yourself.

  12. He is a hobosexual. Send him back to his mom. When my fiance lost his job – I would come back to a hot meal and a clean house & stocked fridge. When I lost my job, he came back home to same. Now that we both work, we do chores based on who is home more & has more energy (mostly he on work days, I do a deep clean & meal prep for a few days on weekends). Your bf is just… mooching.

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