Saturday, April 1, 2023
HomeRelationship AdviceIs there any other explanation?

Is there any other explanation?

I found out from the gas station attendant that lately, my bf has been purchasing a different brand of kind of cigarettes, in addition to his own, of which neither one of us smoke. We live together and are together almost 24/7, other than running errands sometimes. He’s smoked the same type of cigs for years, and that hasn’t changed.

The only friend he hangs out with every once in a blue moon does not smoke cigs, nor does the friend’s wife wife. My bf works from home, so there are no coworkers of which he’d be buying them for.

When the lady at the gas station told me this, she looked at me with this *’please understand what I’m telling you, without me actually telling you’* kind of look. Big trying-to-help-a-sister out type vibes.

I want to hold my cards for now. If I flat out ask him, and he *is* cheating, he’ll then be much better about covering his tracks.

I realize that many might say that if I even have to wonder, it’s not a relationship worth holding on to. But I know myself, and if I break it off without knowing for certain, I’ll second guess myself to the point of torture.

Is there any other logical explanation?

Occam’s razor is telling me that I know the likely answer, but I’d appreciate Reddit’s opinions as well. I tend to trust my gut, but simultaneously second guess myself.

**Editing to add**: *I was going to hang out with my best friend (who I rarely get to see) and I was told this on my way. When I came home, it was 1:30 am, and my bf wasn’t home. I called him, and he said that he was walking home from the bar, and that he was half way home (it’s an hour and a half walk). That means he would have left the bar around 12:45. So, I called the bar and asked if he was there, because ‘he said he was going to walk home, and I was worried as he wasn’t home yet’. The bartender told me he hadn’t seen my bf for multiple hours. Yet my bf had just said he left the bar 45 minutes prior…

It’s a small town, a tiny bar, and he knows everyone. He claims to not like going to out the bar. But when he does, (which tends to be on the rare occasion that I’m not home), he always says goodbye to everyone before leaving. Again, small town.

The bartender sounded very sure when he said ‘ I haven’t seen him for hours’. I even asked again, ‘hours?’ And he reiterated/reaffirmed…

I questioned my bf, not giving away how I knew, and he then claimed that he went to that bar, left, went to another which was closing, then went back to the first. Just circles of absolute bullshit.

I’ve been ruminating over this for days. Now as I type it all out, I’m realizing how fucking obvious it all is, and how ‘in denial’ I must be, while I tell myself I’m just giving him the benefit of the doubt. For whatever reason, I always need hardcore solid proof, otherwise, I doubt myself.

Even though this is all so utterly obvious. But is it? My brain is broken* 🥴

Also my formatting skills on mobile suck. Sorry.

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  1. Make “plans” for 2 nights from now to “go visit your friend.” Use the time you would have been doing so for your friend to visit you and for the two of you to keep an eye on things. If the bartender doesn’t know her, have her hang out in the corner in the bar reading or something just watching the situation when he goes in. When he leaves either alone or with someone else, she can text you and cautiously follow. She might even be able to get some photos if she is cautious about it.

  2. I live in a town like that…I’m always amazed at people who think they can get away with anything. My husband and I joke that we spend a lot of time minding our own business…and so do all the neighbors (minding our business, that is)… Anyway, it’s pretty set in stone with your situation, I’ll be looking for an update.

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