Thursday, March 23, 2023
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Is this cheating?

Today (October 11th) my boyfriend (M18) was at college and I (F18) was waiting at our place we share. When he got back he had a surprise for me. It was a necklace and a ring (the same color as the one I was wanting for awhile.) After he gave me this he wanted to take a nap and I came with him so he could fall asleep with me there. I forgot to bring my phone in the room with me so I asked if I could use his, he said yes then went to sleep. I went through tik tok for about 20 minutes then I decided to go through his snapchat. This is were I find something ugly lol. It starts with this girl texting him (who he has been intimate 💦with before.) For a little more context we have been dating since January 1st 2022, and this little convo they had was on January 24th. So she and him were snapping about school and whatnot and then she suddenly asks him “can I ask you a weird question?” He then replies with “sure lol.” She proceeds to send him a nude (very much showing a lot of cleavage full body bikini pic) and asks “is this too much for vsco?” He then responds with “I enjoy this picture thrpurpul” then carries on with a separate conversation. I confronted him and he at first said “Idk what you want me to say, yea I wanted to destroy all I have been working on with you for this picture” then we argue for awhile and we come to agree that this is cheating. And he apologized and removed the girl. What do I do? Is this cheating? Do I stay with him or do I leave?

I went through my boyfriend’s phone while he was sleeping and saw a conversation which involved the girl sending a revealing picture in her bikini.

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  1. I wouldn’t consider it cheating, just inappropriate and he needed to shoot that down when it happened. But it doesn’t seem like he maintained the correspondence, no?

  2. I can 100% understand why you would feel like this but if you think about it (from what you’ve posted he changed the conversation it seems as if he didn’t compliment her or say anything sexual back she was flirting and it looks to me like he brushed it off you can be angry he didn’t tell you but you can’t blame him for other peoples actions especially if they try to pursue your boyfriend all you can do is look at how your partner handles it and go from there hope this helped OP 🙂

  3. What do you do? Be happy your boyfriend validated and respected your feelings. You’re relationship was new as hell when that happened, he didn’t entertain it, and he didn’t invite it. he also didn’t try to hide it. It was saved. 1. That’s not cheating 2. Even though it’s not cheating, he respected your feelings and got rid of her. This was a TINY situation and he dealt with it. Thoroughly. There’s nothing left to do except be happy girl. Be happy

  4. It’s not cheating.

    He didn’t ask for a picture.
    He didn’t dwell on the picture or ask for more.

    And now he removed her.

    You stay with someone like this who validates and cares about your feelings.

  5. You don’t know what nudes are.

    You don’t know what cheating means.

    But don’t worry, because apparently neither does he.

    There’s a difference between an inappropriate remark after receiving an unsolicited bikini pic and cheating. And with his demeanor towards you about it, my guess is he would have drawn a line with the girl on his own after the awkwardness wore off had you not snooped through his phone.

    So yeah, this relationship is doomed. I recommend you both move on before getting attached.

  6. You both need to stop going through each other’s phones and work on your trust issues. It sounds like both of you are starting from a position of zero trust – for whatever reasons- and that will not work in a relationship. You are both putting yourselves in a position where all you are doing- by not trusting each other and looking through each other’s phones- is looking for information that confirms that bias- that you can’t trust each other.

    Which brings me to the bikini shot. If the girl was wearing a bikini, it wasn’t a nude, and seriously- this wasn’t cheating. You, and your BF are 18 and he was three weeks into dating you. He did not request this photo,it was sent to him, unsolicited. Unless there is a whole lot more interaction with this girl, it’s nothing. Since you only mention the picture and the one conversation, I’m willing to bet that there is nothing else. He probably didn’t know at that point- 10 months ago! – that you would consider it cheating, or that it would upset you, and he probably forgot about it.

    unless you have OTHER REASONS not to trust him, if this is it, then just forget it and move on. Under the circumstances you described, it really sounds like nothing.

  7. Damn whys you go thru his snaps? You really found what you were looking for huh? You had to go almost 10 months back in chats to find something that didn’t matter and never happened again. Like he just bought you jewelry you’ve wanted for a while and you say thanks by violating his privacy? What a catch.

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  9. First, a nude isn’t a bikini picture.

    Second, he made the actions to make you feel better and this was almost 10 months ago. Either realize it’s not that big of a deal (because it’s not) and move on, or break up. Don’t make this guy’s life hell because you’re insecure.

  10. I don’t love that in October, you went back all the way to January. That’s a pretty deep dive and makes me feel like you wanted to find something sketchy.

    Given that he didn’t ask for the photo and then changed the subject, I’m not sure that he cheated. On January 1st had you drawn the lines of what cheating was or wasn’t?

    Just because he agreed with you today, doesn’t mean he knew it then or is 100% in agreement with you. His admission today might just be that he respects your boundary.

    If you decide to stay together, are you going to hold this over him though? If you are always going to feel some kind of way and like he cheated on you 24 days into your relationship, you yourselves both a favor and move on.

  11. what is he supposed to say here? you’ve been dating for less than a month and a girl tried to flirt with him but he denied it, you literally say the topic of the conversation changes right after that. did you want him to get pissed at her and say hes in a relationship and cant comment on it? he unadded the girl on snap even after all of this, im surprised he didnt leave you after this, especially since he trusted you to have his phone unlocked while he slept and you looked through his things.

    it seems like you “left your phone” in another room to use as an excuse to use his and look through his shit. if he had anything to hide, i doubt the man is saying yes and going to sleep like that. it was literally a bikini pic from a girl who may or may not be into him. the fact you’re even asking if thats cheating and if you should leave him shows how immature you are. grow up, for his sake, not yours cus i honestly feel bad for this dude

  12. Sounds like this was in the first month of dating which many consider the “talking” period; at what point in your relationship did you become exclusive? It also doesn’t sound like he indulged her beyond the photo she sent him.

  13. Doesn’t sound like cheating to me tbh. His response was flirty sounding but I wouldn’t consider it flirting since he didn’t continue it and moved on to the next topic. Sounds like he doesn’t care much about her since he removed her but I think the trust issues thing is something worth sitting down and having a conversation about.

  14. Not cheating. Not a nude.

    Would you consider it cheating if he were to express his appreciation for some chick in a magazine? Doesn’t make sense. Doesn’t sound healthy.

    I dunno. Maybe flirty, maybe? What would you have wanted him to say? “Yuck!”

  15. You both agreed it was cheating (I’m assuming he actually agreed after your conversation, and didn’t just go “yeah it’s cheating whatever” to just tell you what you wanted to hear), so it’s cheating.

    If he was sincerely apologetic after removing the girl, then what more do you want? Did he begrudgingly remove her and get annoyed, or did he seem sincere?

  16. The conversation was from January a few weeks after you started dating. Let it go.

    If the conversation was last week or they were still talking on Snap then maybe it would be an issue but it seems like he stopped talking to her once he realized they crossed a line.

  17. I’d say it’s inappropriate for her to send him pics like that as I’m sure she knows he’s in a relationship. I wouldn’t say it’s cheating tho, it’s not like they were full on sexting sending nudes back and forth. He deleted her and allowed you to be on his phone to begin with.

  18. I’m gonna lay it out flat: if he wanted to cheat—he would. Whether you go through his phone or not.

    Going through his shit isn’t going to be the thing that saves your relationship, all it does is add to trust issues and at 18, smh. If anything, stuff like that is what makes you look like an overbearing girlfriend that behavior makes people want to either breakup or cheat/find a way out.

    If he wants to cheat he will cheat—end of story. Nothing you snoop through and argue about would stop that. So if you don’t trust him and he doesn’t trust you, just end it now and save yourselves the trouble.

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