Sunday, March 26, 2023
HomeRelationship AdviceJust found out my dad has another son and we had to...

Just found out my dad has another son and we had to call the police on him

My whole family is in shambles right now apparently back in college Dad got a white lady pregnant. So we go back to our hometown to visit our grandfather and there’s a biracial kid and his mother in the living room talking to our grandfather. I’ll spare all the drama Dad got her pregnant I left and never told anyone. Dad sits in front of the kid he wants nothing to do with him and he looks like nobody in the mom started yelling. Talking about how she looks like my older brother who is right there and he starts yelling at her face saying he looks nothing like him and she’s a random hooker. mom grabbed everything from my grandfather’s house and was about to leave when my grandfather said don’t be mad at Dad because he try to cover it up and move on. My mom is booking our tickets and we’re currently at a hotel and we all block Dad from our phones. I and my brother don’t want to be around Tristan (our “brother”) and don’t want him around us. We don’t trust dad and want him to be around us either. Dad was still in contact with Amy but refused to see Tristan for years and he sat by our hotel door and put his phone on speaker and told Amy he wish she would’ve had an abortion and he wants Tristan to never go to our grandparent’s house and to stay away from all of his family. Mom ignored him so did the rest of us and he started banging on the door yelling at the top of his lungs. I will admit I was scared he would do something to mom and my brother went out there to tell him to shut the fuck up and dad put his hands on my brother and I called the police. I don’t know what to do I hate drama Tristan is drama Amy(his mom) is drama grandad is the one who started all the drama and dad is drama. I love my dad but I love my mom more and she’s going through hell because of his lies I just need advice. Please and thank you. Btw I’m 15 and my brother(Dj) is 17 I think Tristan is around 18-20

View Reddit by Navi_223View Source



  1. First and foremost remember this is not your fault. This is not your brothers fault. This is not Tristan‘s fault. It’s also not your mothers fault and I can imagine that she is going through hell knowing that her husband hid the fact that he has a son all these years.

    Can you imagine being Tristan with a drama mama and a dad who totally denies your existence?

    I’m sorry you had to call the cops on your own father. Your head must be in a huge whirlwind now!

    Your sweet mother needs you and your bro right now and I know you are going to be there for her because of the way you talk about her! What a blessing you are.

    Just stay back from your dad, his lies are exposed now regarding Tristan, and he will have to work that out on his own. Be patient but don’t let him push you into doing anything you don’t want to do. You don’t have to talk to him. & If you don’t want to have contact with the half brother, then you don’t have to.

    Just don’t let hate build inside you!
    Take care OP

  2. So your dad had a hidden baby, never told your mom, you, or your brother, but his entire family knew and set up an “intervention” for you to see your half brother and your dad’s mistress without telling you guys. Then to top it all off, when you guys try to get space from him to process all his lies, he harasses you, and then physically assaults your brother, his own child?

    I think you’re making the right choice to cut contact with your dad and that entire side of the family. Focus on your mom and your brother, you’ll need each other now more than ever to get through this.

    Can I ask what happened after the police showed up?

  3. Also remember. This is not Tristan’s fault either. He is a product of a mistake and has to live with that everyday. Be mad at your dad and the mom, but show a little compassion with your hakf brother. He is caught in the middle just like you

  4. I know your young, but do not have beef with the person that is “not your brother”. He did not ask to be born into a fucked up situation. Have some empathy. Your father is a real piece of work, to put it politely.

    Now if the other woman knew he was married, shame on her too.

  5. Wow I feel awful for you and your siblings and awful for Tristan, honestly for everyone but your dad.

    Please remember that Tristan is not choosing to cause drama. He has been thrown into this situation just as much as you have but on top of that has to deal with parental rejection.

    Your dad is being beyond cruel in the way he is speaking to Tristan and to his mother. Telling her on speaker that he wishes she had an abortion? Telling his son that he wants nothing to do with him? He should count his lucky stars that she apparently did not pursue him for any child support while Tristan was a minor, although I hope for her that that’s still an option.

    You don’t need to do it now, but please with time consider reaching out to Tristan. I have a close friend who was thrown into the same situation as you when she was your age and she and her siblings are now very close with their dad’s other son. Granted, her dad dealt with it much better, but I hope you’re able to see that to some extent you’re all in this together. I wish you, your mom, and Tristan the best. And if your mom wants to leave your dad she absolutely should without a single guilt trip.

  6. I understand you’re angry at your dad. You have every right to be. I also understand that you don’t want a relationship with Tristan, but please think about the fact that none of this is his fault. He has a right to know his father or at least try to contact him. He didn’t choose to be born.

  7. Can we all just remember that op is only 15. Yeah it’s not Tristan’s fault but this is a lot for an adult let alone a kid…… maybe one day op will be ready to accept Tristan but he isn’t yet and that’s probably not going to change soon.

  8. Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.]( We’d like to take this time to remind users that:

    * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](

    * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned.

    * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. (Includes, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, FDS, MGTOW, etc.) Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**

    * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don’t get a free pass.

    * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, “body counts” or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, or situations involving minors and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**

    If you have any questions, please send us a modmail.


    #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.

    *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*

  9. You know this isn’t Tristan’s fault, correct?

    You’re going through a lot but he’s blameless for existing before your mom and dad even met. This is on your dad (for being a deadbeat to this kid to begin with!) and the keepers of the secret.

  10. Yikes. I really feel for poor Tristan here. An absolute piece of shit for a father who openly says he wished he’d been aborted, presumably didn’t pay a dime in support for him and is now trying to cut him off from his own grandfather.

    I get that you are – I dunno, uncomfortable? – with Tristan’s existence but he did nothing to deserve any of this. Don’t have a relationship with him if you don’t want to but maybe don’t actively hate the guy whose father abandonded and shunned him his entire life?

  11. I have a few different perspectives on this but I want to say, I am really, really sorry OP.

    It’s a completely different circumstance but when I was 14 my mother dropped the bomb while driving me home from school that I had two siblings she gave up for adoption. Then she dropped me off at home and left to go deal with her own emotions and I was left reeling.

    It’s hard enough to learn you have a sibling you knew nothing about, that was hidden from you for so long but then to add onto it all the insanity from other people in your life that you love and you now feel betrayed by. I am so sorry.

    It will get better but I don’t know how long that will take. I’m sorry your life just imploded.

  12. Do you think the way your family treated Amy and Tristan was fair, or nice? The poor kid didn’t ask to be born, and he was completely abandoned by his father, and now rejected by his half-siblings. I feel really sorry for him.

  13. Have they had a paternity test for Tristan? That needed to be done as soon as he was born. Everybody on your dad’s side is accepting it but a paternity test is always necessary. He is probably your dad’s son but you don’t have to see him or your dad again. Support your mother as much as possible. You are young to have to deal with this but the initial explosion will die down and you, your mother and your brother will come out the other side.

  14. This makes no sense. If he was with Amy and fathered Tristan before he met your mom, why the deception? Why hide the mom and kid?

    Just to clarify, this isn’t about infidelity. It’s about plain old deception, right?

  15. Sounds like the ‘adults’ in your family are playing some strange games.

    First of all You, DJ and Tristan are not to blame for this.

    Your dad apperently got some girl pregnant which resulted in Tristan. His mother obviously wants Your dad to admit that Tristan exists and most likley pay years worth of child support.

    My guess is: Grandpa is using this situation to drive a wedge between your mom and dad for whatever reason.

    In the end it doesn’t really matter: You love your mom, and Your dad is also the same person he was yesterday. It is pretty similar to having 2 friends who hate each other’s guts, but they’re both friends with You. The relationship You have with both Your parents, and your grandparents, is not the same as the relationship they have with each other. You don’t have to pick a side.

  16. I’m so sorry this happened to you. Ive read a lot of your comments and i know some people are mad about your “lack of empathy” for tristan. he’s a person you don’t know and whether he is at fault or not (we all know he’s not) he’s involved in the shitshow that went on. this all just happened. of course you don’t have much empathy to give right now, your world has just been turned upside down. having something traumatic like this happen can throw you so out of wack. take care of yourself OP. don’t ever let anyone make you feel bad for cutting out family members who did you wrong.

  17. I was going to leap harsh on you, but realizing that you’re only 15 I wanna give you an advice instead.

    You just found out a lot of information about your dad, mostly that he is a piece of shit for neglecting and hiding a kid and behaving absolutely wrongly towards you in these occasions.

    Thats already some challenging stuff for you to cope with.

    But Tristan is as much son of your dad as you are. You could _be_ Tristan, in his spot, wearing his shoes. Try to take a moment to think about how Tristan must be feeling.

    Not only did he get to see your dad’s behavior like you have but he was also neglected by dad all his life. All those happy moments you may have had in your past – he never got a chance to experience similar things. All those things and toys your family bought to you his mom could never afford.

    “Why did dad love and care for those 2 sons but not for me?” – that’s what Tristan is thinking! Don’t you agree that he must be feeling very sad and hurt?

    Maybe Tristan and his mom are good people, just resentful, envy and angry, not only because dad has neglected them, but also because you neglect him as a brother.

    Its not his fault for being born at the other end. Attacking him/them without hearing them out or giving them a chance of what they want/expect isn’t totally fair.

    After all, you were not present when things between your parents and his mom happened. After people conflict, they will always tell their part of the story which we emphasize with. But there is also always the other side, which could have valid points aswell.

    As you have seen, your dad has demonstrated that has done a lot of mistakes and behaved very wrongly in multiple occasions. Tristan and his mom could just be victims that mean you no harm, they may just want to resolve these important topics.

    Of course, there is always the chance that they might be too angry and envy and they might be bad influences which you should distanciate yourself from. All I’m saying is, give them a chance to show you wether or not they’re good people and have good intentions.

    As of your dad, you know, everybody makes mistakes. But he needs to own it and try to become a better person, a better father figure. His behavior does not seem like he is trying, at all. It’s not just about how terrible of a father he was to Tristan in the past, but his behavior right now, towards all of you, is absolutely intolerable too. You guys should definetely seek shelter before things escalate even further.

  18. First & Foremost this is 100% your fathers fault for not manning up & taking care of his child. If you’re man enough to make a baby, you’re man enough to take care of the baby! Your step-brother is an innocent victim in this whole clusterfuck. Also why are you so hateful towards someone you don’t even know! Tristan might be a food dude, but you’re not even giving him a chance, you hate him for no reason.

  19. Tristan is not to blame. I don’t know why you are telling him he is drama. And your grandfather didn’t start anything; probably Tristan wanted to meet him. Why wouldn’t he want to meet him?

    The only person that’s at fault is your dad. He should have paid child support and he shouldn’t be calling that woman a hooker. He had sex with her, didn’t he?

  20. Then why are you guys mad? He had a kid he didn’t want before any of you were born?

    So why are you guys mad? You’re not clear as well? Did he cheat or the heck happened? Apparently you have a half sibling. But did your dad ever even cheat?
    How quick were you born after your mom and dad met?

    Aren’t you guys a bit to harsh on your dad? So what if a girl choose to keep a kid without his consent? It’s his choice if he wanted to be involved or not, and he didn’t. He wanted you guys, his family.

    For how long did your dad know of your half siblings existence? If someone has a child against someone else’s will were the guy didn’t wanna be involved, does a person have to tell they have a child they don’t acknowledge themselves?

  21. Please stop blaming Tristan. He is just as innocent in all this mess as you are. Your dad victimized all of you, including Tristan. Blame your dad. Be mad at him. Don’t be hateful to a kid who had no say in the matter and was also abandoned and verbally abused by your dad. It’s not his fault.

Comments are closed.

Most Popular