S and I have been dating for the past 5 years. Before covid hit we were engaged. Had a baby who is currently 9 months old. We suppose to get married in November in Mexico. Wedding was all planed and everyone paid since it is a destination wedding.
He has been distant and very short tempered for a while. This brings me deja vu. We broke up couple years ago over him constantly looking for other girls to chase after. I caught him multiple times flirting with someone new. Finally one day I decided I need to move on and we broke up. Couple months down the road he wanted me back and I settled. To be honest, he is handsome, funny, sporty and make good money. I am in my late 30s and need more than just romance. I need financial securities. I settled and he proposed and promised to be loyal and never cheat again.
Back to that Saturday. He told me he is going out of town. I didn’t suspect a thing until he didn’t even acknowledge how cute his daughter was when i send him a picture. He didn’t even call me to tell me he arrived. Odd. I started snooping. I went to check his med that he took for sex and one pill is gone. I went to his computer and there is a hotel reservation for tonight, in town. I knew I have to drive over otherwise I will go crazy.
Sure his car was parked there.
So wedding is off the table with less than 6 weeks to go. We are loosing a lot of money. Telling families are one of the hardest thing to do. And our daughter, she just started her life and I feel very sorry that I can’t give her a whole family.
I knew I did the right thing to move on. I guess I just need some confirmations and support. Being a single mom is a hard. I knew only time can heal the pain and we will do our best to raise our daughter together. But my whole life and dreams are just shuttered. I need some patting on the shoulders so I can keep moving on day after day.
Better find out now then later. Be prepared for him to beg for forgiveness and saying it was a mistake and blah blah blah.
He will probably say it is your fault somehow or say you need to stay because of the kid.
Kids grow up better when not in a toxic household.
You did the right thing. You won’t waste anymore time in a dead end relationship. your daughter won’t grow up with parents who fight and mistrust each other. It hurts now but it’s better than in 5 or 10 years when she’ll be aware and hurt by the breakup.
And forget about the ‘destination wedding’ costs, its a causing a minor inconvenience and money is no reason to go through with it. Put yourself first. I actually think your ex-fiance should be the one to deliver the news to guests as he is the one who caused it..
I am sorry you are going through this. You and your daughter deserve to be treated better.
My dear, you are doing the RIGHT THING! Can you imagine being married to a cheater?? Catching a disease?? Not to mention divorces get very expensive.
Just work out child support and be done with him.
I am old enough to be your Dad. If you were my daughter (I have one) I would be very proud of you for making the decision to leave him. The most important thing to me is that my daughter’s partner is treating her well. This guy is was not treating you well and he never would have.
Canceling the wedding is less expensive than having the wedding and then getting divorced.
He will come to his senses soon. But he has just fucked up his life lol. Make sure your daughter is taken care of. You aren’t married but you need to go to court over your daughter!
You ARE giving her a whole family! If you stay, she’ll be raised in a fractured home. One where hurt, resentment, and bitterness colour her days. By leaving, you can heal and become whole on your own, because you already are. Just because you can only see certain parts of the moon at any time, does not mean she’s not whole. You’re also in the process of showing her to never sacrifice her self worth and value as a human. Best of luck to you both. There will be better days ahead
You did the right thing calling off the wedding. The man is a cheater. You’ll never trust him if you went ahead with the wedding. Feel the pain so that you can get through it. You’ll come out stronger. It’s his loss
You deserve a loyal future husband. Better to break free. Let him be someone other woman’s problem. He broke the family his daughter deserved. You did not.
100% confirmed. He gave you his very best and in the end he’s a pathetic piece of shit. He’ll never ever do better by you.
Oh yeah you’re making the right choice, no use spending the rest of your life miserable.
Lawyer up. Go for full custody of your daughter and maximum child support.
Don’t let anyone give you the “but you have so much invested in the wedding that you’ll lose, so you should marry him no matter what he’s done” line. You’re out the money as is, don’t throw more away.
Anyone who questions your decision should get a copy of all of the evidence you have for his cheating. “So you’re telling me this is OK? Sure it is, as long as it’s not happening to YOU.”
You have a lot of total strangers on your side. Keep that in mind on the bad days. Be a good mother, and good luck!
“I am in my late 30’s and need more than just romance. I need financial security.”
I was with you until this point. You’re in your late 30’s, and you have a child to take care of. It’s your responsibility to provide for yourself, not anyone else’s. If this is part of the reason you were marrying him, you were using him in a way. Time to put on your big girl pants and get to work, use your daughter as your motivation.
I am sorry your relationship went up in smoke, I know how hard that is. Right now you need to concentrate on providing the most stable, least emotionally dramatic and traumatizing, life for your daughter. Good luck.
I’m very sorry, but any support or advice I could have given you would have been *before* you decided to have a child with a liar and a cheat. And before you were married, so your child will now suffer life with a struggling single Mom, as well. Why? Why? Why?
I just have no clue why women put themselves in this terrible situation. But, almost every day, there is another post from some woman who is shocked to find out her asshole BF hasn’t changed and she is going to be a single Mom. I hope you at least get child support (not that it’s ever enough).
He dodged a bullet.
Him cheating is fucked, you settling to use him for financial security is more fucked, in my opinion at least
It happens. He got cold feet which gave you an opportunity to indulge your OWN cold feet. You two had been “playing house” for five years…..and even had a baby. Fine.
When the commitment finally came along and you had to declare your intention to formalize your “relationship” the theatre of it all overcame you both….him first…then you.
Your relationship was NOT a fete accompli. I would even go out on a limb and bet the baby was in no small part an “ooppss” of sorts. Now you get to find out what being a single parent is all about and chase him all over Gawds’ Half Acre trying to collect child-support.
Want support? OK. Fine. I honestly lament your financial loss of calling the Wedding off.
Now…..wanna talk about the implications of raising a child in a One-parent household?
Got Statistics………… 🙁
this one is your fuckup…you saw the signs but stayed because you needed financial security? How about making your own money in large enough quantities to be secure on your own…then you won’t be blinded by others money and blow past the red flags in search of a sugar daddy
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