Saturday, April 1, 2023
HomeRelationship AdviceMight have invited my (31F) fiancé’s (39M) mistress into our house

Might have invited my (31F) fiancé’s (39M) mistress into our house

Long story short, my (31F) fiancé (39M) of 8 years and I have been in a long distance relationship for almost 3 years now. He often would travel out of state from 3-5 months for a project and would spend the remaining time of the year working from home.

This past year, he traveled to Colorado for almost 6 months, with me visiting him once a month. When we FaceTimed, he would always complain about a young woman who was his “project partner” and how frequent they had to work together. Most of the conversations had been about her. They weren’t anything too particular, sometimes about her personality clashing with his, funny stories about little incidents that happened on the work site, little details about her background/education.

My fiancé finished the project and returned home this past week. However, I noticed he’s been on his phone frequently. At first I would assume it was for work, until I caught him sneaking out of bed one night to answer a phone call from “somebody”, whom he appeared to be yelling at. I pretended to be asleep but I briefly heard him telling someone “it’s none of their business” and something about “not to come”.

Today, a young woman who looks like she was in her mid 20s rang our door bell. My fiancé opened the door and it was his co-worker. She said she was visiting our city for a friend’s wedding and thought “she would stop by to say hi” (her words).

I followed my fiancé as he came to open the door and stood in the back to greet her. She smiled at me and said that she’s heard a lot of about me. I froze and gave her an awkward smile. Then, I watched my fiancé’s reaction and something about it just made my stomach turn.

The first words he said to her was “Why did you come? Why didn’t you tell me first?”. He sounded incredibly aggravated. She replied back, saying that “She didn’t think much of it. She was just visiting.” Then my fiancé proceeded to YELL at her, “You can’t just show up unannounced to my house! I’ve been really busy. I haven’t had time to catch up with you (?)”. She looked flustered and tried to talk over him, maybe trying to explain herself. He kept cutting her off, repeating the same thing, saying that “he’s busy today”, even though we didn’t have any plans. He then turned around and gave me a frustrated look.

I was incredibly confused, but just when he was about to raise his voice at her again, I stopped him. I told him “She’s just visiting. It’s not a big deal.” He looked at me as if he was about to say something but stopped.

His coworker has been standing at our door this whole time. At this point, I had too much on my mind to process what was going on. I just told her to “come on in” and just kind of…treated her like a guest?

I let them sit in our living room and told of them I would be heading out for some groceries so they could catch up. I drove to the nearest Target and now I’m sitting in my car writing this. I don’t want to assume anything but my intuition told me they were more than just friends. I’m worried about going back. I’m scared of what he’s going to tell me. Any advice on how I should proceed with this situation?



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29 COMMENTS

  1. He totally cheated on you with this woman and he was mad at her for bringing it(herself) to you. This relationship is over he is a cheater and a liar. There is no way he would have treated a platonic co-worker that way.

  2. Pretend to go, and return In ten minutes beause you “forgot something” ( do it quietly) see what you find. Just to be clear I would have never left. I get you are uncomfortable but Id rather just know

  3. Sweetheart that must have been so confronting and confusing. You acted the best way you could. Clearly there is an affair. You don’t yell at coworkers like that. She is clearly wanting it to be known (or didn’t know about you). Go home and tell them you know what is going on.

  4. Go home. Pack HIS bags and tell him to GTFO unless he can prove beyond any doubt on your part that it’s not exactly what it looks like.

    Go. Find out for sure. The longer you are out of the house, the less certainty you have with the answers.

  5. You should’ve left your phone recording in an unobtrusive place.

    You’re almost sure something is going on – but that would be proof positive. Fiancé sounds like someone that would deny and gaslight OP if she brought up his behavior with the “guest”.

  6. Wth are you confused about, his gf from O. Showed up unannounced at your front door, not too much ro be confused about. Too bad you didn t have security cams in the house to log into while you were at Target, that would ve been a real treat.

  7. Sorry OP now they have time to get their story straight and it will be hard for you to get any truth. I would just not return at all and let him explain himself before you go back there.

  8. Well, to me him overreacting seems being induced by guilt and trying to hide something from you. And I honestly think that if their relationship was strictly professional she would have never visited.

  9. Go home and ask him if he has now fucked her in your home. You want the truth. You deserve the truth from him. He can pack a bag and go stay at a buddy’s place.

  10. “Fiancé of 8 years” pretty much made up my mind about your relationship.

    If he had some objection to marriage in principle, he wouldn’t be your fiancé. But if you’re not married after eight years? I don’t know when it ended, but I’m sorry, your relationship ended already.

  11. I get it. She’s in love and he isn’t. She wanted to rub it in his face because he refused to choose her. She showed up after she told him she was going to come to “visit” on that late night phone call when he refused to meet up with her, she showed up to prove she can’t be ignored that easily. I would bet everything I own they were having an affair. Trust your gut. He won’t tell you anything based on how he’s been acting. Please do not marry this traitor.

  12. Omg, you had all of your answers in your living room. Why didn’t you point blank ask if there was something going on. Now your fiancé is going to gaslight you. God was trying to protect you.

  13. You let yourself be a doormat and gave them alone time. You should have gotten your answers and asked how many times have they’ve fucked so far. You know you can’t marry him right? She was in your face to be direct with her. She didn’t care that you existed.

  14. Your gut is ALWAYS right. He’s been banging multiple women on those long trips I guarantee. I mean this is just common sense. You need to end it with him asap and find someone better. Don’t stick around because you’re comfortable. Tell him to get bent and dip. He’s a scumbag.

  15. I live in the same town as my work and my colleagues and they don’t know my address who did she know yours. He’s defo cheating so now you have 2 choices you can kick his ass out and find someone worthy of you or you can be a doormat and allow him to cheat while trying the whole forgive and forget while he continues to cheat.

  16. First of all I admire your reaction of inviting her in and leaving the house. Don’t ever give them the satisfaction of seeing them break you.

    Not sure if you will stay with him or leave him because you don’t deserve this. He cheated and lied until reality came knocking on your door. By then he might have realized what a great person (you) he was about to lose.

  17. Very inappropriate of her to show up like that. But, in her defense, who knows what he has been telling her. Probably stuff like, I’m not sure our marriage will happen, we are drifting apart, she is not as good in bed, (the wife), she doesn’t understand me, I’m not ready to get married, I’m not sure she is the one, blah, blah, blah. I would leave him. He is showing you who he is. Believe him.

  18. Smh. She hung out with him for over six months. He’s acting all kinda of crazy over her presence. I think he cheated on you and his side piece showed up at the house without his permission.

    I wouldn’t have trusted this situation and I wouldn’t have left them alone without turning on a camera before leaving the house.

    It might be best if you break the engagement. Save yourself the expense of the divorce and the marriage. It seems as though your fiance just threw away his entire life with you for a cheap fling.

    Toss the guy out and keep the house, and be thankful it happened before the wedding and there aren’t any kids to fight over.

  19. Awe hun the mistress obviously gave him a ultimatum and thats why you heard shouting on the phone. It’s right there staring you in the face. What I would have done was left my phone somewhere recording for evidence. His reaction was a huge give away. Hopefully you will keep us updated good luck op.

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