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My (18F) boyfriend (18M) said he wanted to kiss my best friend (18F)

For context my best friend and I were introduced to my now boyfriend by a mutual friend (18F) and all of us started a nice friendship. After 2 months and as it happens we ended up developing feelings for each other and started dating, a couple of weeks after that he confessed to me that he felt confused about our relationship, he felt like it was impulsive of him to tell me about his feelings so soon and that he regreted it, however after talking about it for a couple of hours he got to the conclusion that he was just being insecure and that he was just scared of doing things wrong. Fast-forward to now, 2 months later we are in a relationship and happy, however my best friend said she needed to talk to me today. She said that according to the mutal friend that introduced us to him, he said at a party that he wanted to kiss my best friend because she was atractive (which she obviously is ngl) while he was drunk, however she also said that right after that he said that he obviously wouldn’t do that because he had a commitment with me and that was that. I’ve never ever been a jealous person and also this happened around the time when he was confused about our relationship which was months ago. My best friend decided to tell me because me and the mutual friend just had a disagreement and she didn’t want me to find out about it the wrong way. I know my boyfriend is the type of drunk that gets super touchy and warm and he did liked kissing people at parties before we got together. I thought a lot about it and I’d be laying if I said I haven’t had thoughts like that with other guys since we got together. I also think the idea of us not feeling attracted to anyone but us ever again is unrealistic and idealized but I wanted to hear other opinions on the topic as well. Also my best friend just didn’t want me to be mad at her for it which of course I’m not because it is none of her fault, I asked her and she wasn’t uncomfortable with that comment or anything, my boyfriend and her still get along pretty well and everything.

TLDW: My boyfriend said he wanted to kiss my best friend while he was drunk at a party, however he also said that he wouldn’t do it because he had a commitment with me and he respected that. He said it at a time where things were foggy in our relationship and I don’t know what to think.

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  1. Idk. That’s really mild compared to what mine said.
    I mean, I don’t know what to say but that u are entitled to feel how u want to feel really. Just take some time to process your emotions and hopefully u will feel better and let it go but if u find that later it keeps coming up and u think about it and it comes with negative emotions then that’s when u should communicate first with ur boyfriend and if that don’t work then just do what u feel u need to. Because if it keeps bothering u then things can go real bad, or one or both of u will end up hurting. I think that since ur best Friend told u before he did that probably would be something to worry about because he should of told u first after his confusion went away but idk. U said its been 2 months? That’s also still really early in the relationship too.. but that’s also usually the best time to figure each other out.
    But process ur emotions and communication is always the key. Good luck.

  2. You’re all 18. No matter what happens from here, what decisions you all make, it all is one big fat learning experience you’ll look back on a decade from now, either amused, disgusted… whatever.

    In the end, you’ll probably want to have kept your best friend. I don’t know how messy it’ll get, or won’t. lol

  3. You’ll probably hate to hear it: but you’re a young couple! That means a lot of exciting new things .. and a lot less exciting but equally important moments like you just described.

    If you’re asking how the majority of people would guage this situation, they’d be content to hear nothing happened but can be hurt/sad/other valid emotion they’re hearing it through a friend. It might also start a conversation on use of alcohol if their behaviour whilst intoxicated is a recurring issue.

    People opening up their thoughts without being judged for them is a hallmark for good communication in relationships – after all, you should feel you can discuss anything so you can *both* decide if those thoughts/feelings can be acted upon or if it shouldn’t.
    If your boyfriend was forthcoming about it: “I have recurring thoughts about kissing an attractive mutual friend and the thoughts won’t go away”, how would you respond? You probably have a better opportunity to talk where the thoughts come from and both agree if there’s any bounderies at risk.

    All-in-all, the biggest issue sounds like he only confessed to this whilst drunk. Having an open conversation about it, finding out if the same thoughts come up while sober and/or why he wouldn’t share it with you, can invite him to be forthcoming with his thoughts more often.

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