Friday, March 24, 2023
HomeRelationship AdviceMy (22 F) brothers (both 19 M) intimidated my BF (23 M)

My (22 F) brothers (both 19 M) intimidated my BF (23 M)

Even though they’re younger, they’ve been very protective of me. We live a city where there is a huge homeless and drug problem. So when we go out I walk in the middle and they each walk on the either side.

When we’re on the train , they sit on opposite sides and I sit by the window and they both look behind the other person to make sure there are muggers.

Anyways my BF came to meet them for the first time. I’m 5”4, my bf is 5”9 and my brothers both are 6”4 and 6”3. It doesn’t help that they’re “gym bros”

They didn’t say anything to him but like they both just towered over him and got real close and said “oh so you’re James “ and shook his hand real tight and put their hands on his shoulder and said it’s nice to meet him.

Which I thought was completely fucked up because James is a elementary school teacher. He’s such a nice person. They’re saying that they’re just letting James know of their presence.

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  1. Try having a friendly conversation and them them to play nice and cut the tough guy act.

    If that doesn’t work them them that their actions are disrespectful and they are acting like they don’t trust your judgement, and that if you ever want someone intimidate you will ask them. Until then they need to listen to their big sister and be polite.

  2. Do you like being treated this way? You’re an adult woman, not a pet or small child. They don’t own you, they aren’t responsible for you, they don’t have the authority to put anyone on notice on your behalf. They are teenagers who need to be checked.

  3. I would tell them to cut the shit, you are an adult capable of making your own decisions, and make them choose between apologizing to your boyfriend or never meeting him or any future partners again.

  4. Welp I hope you enjoy being single. Threatening or implying intimidation is not okay whatsoever and really shows your brothers are immature and frankly stupid.

    Who would want to consider a serious relationship with someone who allows their family to use violence as a threat against your partner?

    Love how you justify it too. Oh our city is bad for crime, they do it to everyone! Even elementary school teachers!

    Guess it’s to be expected from a couple of teenagers tho. Honestly I’d tell them to be very careful who they try to intimidate. You said elementary school, therefore America…..I wouldn’t mess with anyone in America that could potentially be carrying a firearm.

    All the muscle definition in the world won’t stop them becoming a statistic if they get in someone’s face they really shouldn’t have. I’m not American and I don’t mess with people because they might have a knife. Cause UK innit.

    Seen alot of the confident young guys on a night out start a fight and get fucked up for it. its honestly not worth the tough guy act. There are some psychos out there….

  5. Your brothers seem like testosterone filled di**heads if thats they’re way to introduce themselves, I think anyone can understand the dad speech or the older brother speech ( “if you hurt her, etc etc”) but never off the bat, they just wanted to intimidate him

  6. Have you considered, I don’t know, talking to your brothers about boundaries and clearly stating that their actions are harmful to both your relationship with your boyfriend as well as with them?

    Also, I know brothers can be over protective because I have one. That said, you’ve obviously not attempted to seriously address this with them before.

  7. When shit will hit the fan, these two jokers will run for cover first leaving you for yourself.. till that time they will ensure you end up with another douchebag by chasing nice people away.

    These kind of toxic men sink their families. I have seen such cases. It never ends well. For the time being it feels like muscle and security but then fate hits.

  8. Your brothers are toxic. It’s time to talk to them about that and get them to back off. And don’t introduce men you’re dating to them until they can act like respectful adults.

  9. They can’t really help but to tower over him, can they? Nothing that you said they did sounds like anything a normal person wouldn’t do when when meeting someone for the first time except the hand on the shoulder.

    They were polite, they didn’t make any shitty comments according to you, and they’re 6’4” … what should they have done differently?

  10. Your brothers are just being 19 yr Olds trying to show dominance to a male dating their sister.
    Hopefully your bf understands this and can laugh it off. Just tell your brothers in a nice way to chill and you will let them know when their protection is needed but until then, be nice.

  11. Lmfao…. Ummmm yeah that was rude and lacking if self awareness. Your brothers are young and kinda not very experienced sounding and there is a time and a place to be little big bro’s… they should know how to calm the f down and give your guy an opportunity to be welcomed and get to know him …. Sorry.

  12. Your brother’s are pathetic and insecure. So they are saying that if your bf breaks up with you they will go break his leg?.. the 1959s called and want your brother’s back

  13. How did your dad treat your boyfriend? Why did he not tell them to knock it off? This toxicity that you are all pearl clutching at is hilarious they are posturing to scare him was he scared. If not you have a keeper, was he talking shit after he left all mad then he has anger problems and has potentially been weeded out! Not everything you don’t understand is toxic!

  14. Take this with a grain of salt because I have all brothers and no sisters, but I don’t think they meant any harm by it, they’re obviously used to being your guardians and being young, strong men they feel that that’s their role and it gives them purpose. I would have a conversation with them and tell them thank you for always trying to keep you safe, but you’re an adult now and they need to trust your decision making and partner selection, and if you ever need them you won’t hesitate to call. I do think they crossed a line, but not so far that they can’t make up for it and be friendly with your boyfriend in the future, they didn’t threaten him or anything so I just think boundaries need to be established, but not in a way that makes them feel like you don’t want them around. Being younger than you, they look up to you and want to be able to offer something to your sibling relationship, and that up till this point has been physical protection, I think your relationship as siblings just needs to take the next step to equals and friends, while appreciating their desire to keep their big sister safe.

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