Saturday, April 1, 2023
HomeRelationship AdviceMy (23F) boyfriend (25M) is jealous of my dog (11M).

My (23F) boyfriend (25M) is jealous of my dog (11M).

I wish I was making this up, lmao. My boyfriend gets jealous of all the affection and cuddles that I show give to my dog. I’ve had my dog for 11 years, and boyfriend for 1 year.

So yesterday, I was playing with my dog. My boyfriend was telling me to come cuddle with him. I tell him just a few minutes. Then he totally snaps and says “I’M TIRED OF ALWAYS COMING SECOND TO THAT DAMN DOG, IT’S EITHER ME OR HIM,” and he slams the door and walks out.

I’m totally taken aback by that reaction. When he came back an hour later, he looked embarassed and was quiet. I’m not even sure how to have this discussion with him, he obviously has some issues that he needs to address, right?

TLDR: My boyfriend told me that I have to choose between him and my dog.


Thank you for all for sharing your opinions and perspectives thus far. It helped me understand the situation. Anyways, some more stuff has happened.

After giving my boyfriend space to cool down, we had a talk. He apologized for yelling, and he rescinded the ultimatum. I acknowledged his point that my dog gets more attention than him. A dog requires daily care, every pet owner knows this. I had assumed that a man can take care of himself. But men require care too (they just have a funny way of showing it). He told me that physical touch is his love language, and he needs more of it. I want my man to be happy and not feel like he has to compete with my dog, so I told him that I will make an effort to cuddle with him for 30 minutes every day, as long as he never yells at me like that again. He happily agreed!

We were both feeling good about the resolution, so things led to the bedroom. We were going at it hot and heavy, and we must have forgot to shut the door, because my dog walks in to see what all the commotion is. He then starts barking, probably not knowing what’s happening. I can tell it’s bothering my boyfriend. I tell my boyfriend “don’t stop baby” because I want him to keep fucking me instead of dealing with the dog. Then my dog… bites his leg.

My boyfriend shouts “OW WTF,” from the pain, then pulls out and kicks my dog, and throws him out of the room. I’m lying on the bed, frozen. My boyfriend comes back in acting like nothing happened, intent on resuming the sex while my dog is barking outside the door. I scream at him for hurting my dog. I left the house with my dog and I’m now staying with my mom. I’m just trying to process what happened.

TLDR: My dog bit my boyfriend while we were having sex. Boyfriend then kicked the dog.

Update: We broke up. I apologized for making him feel less important than my dog. He apologized for handling that in immature ways. I’ll miss him, but overall I think that its best for the both of us.

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  1. You obviously pick the dog…

    BUT…(Not enough info here, just a suggestion ),

    I once got upset because of a cat, but it wasn’t that I was jealous of the cat, it’s because we had limited time, I drove 30min to be with her, and she just fucking ignored me for hours, to be playing with the cat.

    She could’ve at least included me, I like cats.

  2. How about some variation of “you seem very frustrated, can we talk about what is going on that caused you to get so mad earlier”

    – Being jealous of your dog, and feeling neglected by you are 2 different things.

    – You may be neglecting him in your relationship and not realizing it.

    – maybe there are other stressors in his life and you and your dog just ended up being the straw that broke the camel’s back.

    I dont think you should just assume that he is just being a raging asshole who has problems and hates dogs.

  3. You’ll probably want to ask him how serious he was about that ultimatum because if he’s genuinely jealous, you’re both wasting your time trying to continue this relationship.

    I’m of the opinion that any time someone issues an ultimatum between them and your pet, always choose your pet. You have an obligation to your pet, you agreed to care for it for it’s lifespan. A human can fend for themselves, your pet relies on you entirely for food, shelter, emotional care, etc. Your pet relies on you for survival, a grown ass man does not.

  4. Your dog bites your boyfriend and your reaction is to get pissed with him when he reacts how I would expect most people to react when bitten by an animal? I’ve got a dog and two cats and I take my responsibility to them as an owner pretty damn seriously, but I’d be bending over backwards apologizing if my dog bit anyone.

    Clearly, this relationship is not gonna work.

  5. lol what a train ride

    I think it depends on what you mean when you say the dog “bit him” and then “he kicks the dog”. I mean, he has a right to defend himself from a dog biting him. It can’t have been that serious a bite… and it probably wasn’t that serious of a kick either.

  6. I had a similar situation but I was your bf. My bf was being affectionate with him dog and I felt like I was being neglected. He’s not very verbally affectionate with me but he is with the dog. That showed me that he was capable of it but he just chose not to.

    I snapped one day because I felt neglected and it came off as pure jealousy of the dog. It’s not that I wanted the dog to get less verbal affection, it was that I wanted it too. We had a long talk about it and he didn’t realize how I had been feeling. He’s been more verbal about love and things have been great ever since.

    I honestly think there’s a good chance your bf is feeling neglected. Talk to him. Ask him if he’s feeling left out or neglected. If he is, ask him what you can do to help. Those feelings and frustrating and it won’t get better until you talk it through.

  7. Listen I love animals. Had a dog that passed over a year ago at age 18. Sweet boy. I think your first conversation where he had time to cool off and expressed what he really needed/was feeling and you took his feelings into consideration and would put in work to make things work was good. I think that was a healthy and effective conversation for you both.

    However with the kicking the dog thing, majority of the time kicking and animal isn’t okay. But the dog but him?!? I mean kicking the dog just sounds like a natural knee-jerk reaction to getting bitten. I don’t think that was out of malicious intent on his part. I mean one time our neighbors cat climbed up a tree and jumped through a second story window on my dad, and in the shock of the moment to having claws landing on him he threw the cat out the window (don’t worry the cat was totally fine). But if you’re suddenly attacked/bitten, your natural instinct is to defend yourself. What was he supposed to do, wait until the dog chewed his leg off? Sounds like the kick was more just a momentary self defense thing. You shouldn’t have screamed at him for hurting the dog, you should have apologized for allowing your dog to bite him and ask him if his leg is okay. Especially since you guys just had a conversation about how he feels like you neglect his feelings/lacks affection from you while you give your dog the vast majority of your attention/affection. I feel bad for the guy honestly. Please apologize to him.

  8. His reaction was perfectly reasonable. Poor pet owner choice to not stop and put the dog out when he was very obviously behaving aggressively.

    ETA: your dog being a chihuahua only makes you more at fault in my opinion. I’ve been around those little fuckers. The older they get the more aggressive they get. Even unwarranted aggression.

  9. You need to get your dog under control what do you mean you need to process he is biting your boyfriend!!! You’re seriously deranged if you cant establish boundaries with your dog after 11 years and prioritize people. If my dog bit my girlfriend during sex i’d never in a million years blame her for fighting back and kicking him out. If he was good to resume it must have not been that bad but you clearly prefer your dog so you should probably just be single.

  10. Honestly I don’t think this is about the dog as much as it is about his needs not being met. Was the ultimatum the right move? No, he probably overreacted in the heat of the moment. I am also a firm believer that yelling is not necessary in a good relationship. I understand how it sucks for you, as you are between a rock and a hard place, HOWEVER…

    If I were your boyfriend and had this talk with you, just to immediately have your dog intrude on sexy times AND bite me? Yeah, I’d know where I stand on your list of priorities. Very few people are cool with having sex in front of an animal. Plus you screamed at him for hurting the dog, but it sounds like the dog got away with hurting him. This tells me that the boyfriend may not be all that wrong with feeling like he’s second place at best.

  11. Did he kick the dog defensively? Or was it in anger after he got the dog off him?

    If it was defensively, what the fuck? You’re angry over that? Defending oneself is a human reflex, and you’re an asshole for getting mad at him over that. Train your dog better.

    If it wasn’t, defensively dump his ass. That’s a giant red flag.

  12. I can understand where he is coming from. My gf has had her dog a lot longer than we’ve been together and the dog has been with her through her hardest times. But at the same time, I feel like he definitely takes a lot of attention away from me and she doesn’t ever tell it “no” when it’s invading our personal time. In fact, a lot of times I feel like I lose time with my gf because the dog begs for attention and always gets it.

    My advice is just to monitor how much attention the dog gets compared to your bf and notice if the dog is ever interrupting your time together. Sometimes it’s tough for the dog to share it’s owner too. Dogs can get jealous just like people.

  13. This person reminds me of that other post where this dude got fed up with his gf always prioritizing her dog over him that he broke with her after giving her a last chance.

    Of course it might not be the same thing, but “always coming second.” obviously has some underlying meaning.

  14. > So yesterday, I was playing with my dog. My boyfriend was telling me to come cuddle with him. I tell him just a few minutes.

    Is this jealousy thing you mention recent or has it been happening for a while? Do you often put off your boyfriend when he wants to spend time with you? How much time on average do you spend with your dog compared with your boyfriend? Has your boyfriend been going through a stressful things in life lately and needs a little extra TLC? I don’t think we have enough information right now to give accurate commentary.

  15. “Obviously he has some issues he needs to address”. Everyone has issues but it seems like the bigger issue in your relationship is that he feels unseen. He doesn’t get the attention he needs. Maybe you guys have different love languages. Try to have a calm conversation on communicating your love languages and making each other feel seen and loved.

  16. Honestly the fact that you put your dogs age/gender down makes me feel like he’s right. You’re probably one of those weirdo dog owners that’s way too much and let’s their dog get away with everything.

  17. Your boyfriend needs to leave you jesus. Its more than likely much bigger than him just being jealous of the dog. Much more likely youre giving way too much attention to the dog while youre together, leaving him isolated, instead of just being with the dog when he isnt there. Great, you had a good conversation about providing him more of what he needs which is great, but then to turn around and yell at him and leave over him defending himself?

    The dog bit him unprovoked.

    Of course hes going to kick it and defend himself. Who wouldnt?? And he probably just wanted to bust a nut so he removed the problem and came back to you, probably thinking you were going to, like a normal pet owner, profusely apologise for it and ask if he was okay and then probably check on the dog. Your reaction I highly doubt was appropriate to the situation and your boyfriend needs someone who is actually going to care about him.

  18. so your dog was already fucking with your relationship and then proceeded to bite your bfs leg while you two were fucking and hes rightly so pushed out of the room and you decided to shout at your bf and take your dog and run off to mama???

    I cant even bother to unpack this anymore.

  19. I mean, frankly, there’s really no telling the context of the situation. Does he act this way often or was this a had-a-bad-day thing?

    Everyone encouraging people to dump a partner after one episode like this is ridiculous.

    People are human and shit happens. Lighten the hell up.

    If he’s not doing this all the time and just got mad because this is a conversation he should’ve had with you awhile ago and let it boil over once, that’s a lot different than if there’s a constant issue between him and the dog.

  20. Not enough info here.

    I’ve dated people who were nuts about their pets and definitely treated the animals better than their partner. It’s one thing when you’re with someone who treats you AND the pet special. It’s another thing when you’re neglected and the pet is constantly worshipped. You have to give both parties one on one affection (I would say the human more).

    I agree you’re just slating it a certain way to try and gain sympathy.

    Interesting to note your boyfriend came back “looking embarrassed.” That detail indicates to me that he ain’t proud of how he acted (which IS childish) but that he is in need of attention right now.

    I have a dog, but I’m not that way. My partner always comes first. We are both humans.

  21. I think some of the posters made a valid observation that its probably not about the dog deep down. Its a symptom of a bigger issue. I think he feels neglected emotionally and physically. Seeing you give the dog the very loving affection just confirms to him that you are capable of giving that kind of affection. So he feels you are not into him because you don’t treat him that way which makes him feel insecure and unloved. He doesn’t want to have to ask you to be affectionate. He wants you to just be that way naturally. He has been holding this in for a bit because of the reaction and the ultimatum came out in the heat of the moment. I think he needs to have a conversation with you. But like I said it will kind of take something away if you have to ask someone to be affectionate. If you truly feel a certain way about someone it just comes naturally.

  22. so moral to the story you picked ur dog lol. seemed like the first problem was solved after a talk .. u could’ve used this situation to show him you understood his feelings about the dog but instead u chose to yell at him at for kicking ur dog after YOUR dog bit him .. you could’ve easily went about the situation completely differently and you didn’t lol. if you guys are gonna still date it’s best to deal with ur dog when your not chilling with ur boyfriend and deal with ur dog when it’s time to deal with ur pet…. Oh and next time try to remember to close the door when having sex if you know you have a clingy dog.

  23. I mean the dog violently attacked him? After that update I’m on his side tbh. Plus, there’s nothing worse than feeling like a third wheel to someone and their pet. I had a friend in high school that brought her dog everywhere and it seemed like she cared more about it than about hanging out with me. I don’t mind that she liked the dog, I just hated that we could never have any time without it. He’s probably hit his breaking point

  24. Your dog bit your boyfriend unprovoked. If he drew blood your boyfriend needs to book a doctor’s appointment *immediately* to get it looked at! Dog’s mouths are filthy and contain enough bacteria that bites are prone to serious infections requiring hospitalization (all of which you should pay for if you’re in a place where that isn’t free since your are *massively* at fault).

    As a ‘responsible’ dog owner you should have also immediately contained the situation the second the dog began displaying aggressive behaviour. I don’t know about all states/countries/provinces, but this would be a criminal / animal control case in my area (at the minimum a civil court case). While the attack / assault (and yes your pet attacked someone and now has a history of violent behaviour) definitively proves your boyfriend to be more in the right, even before it sounds like a single indecent depicting a whole life of your boyfriend trying to connect with you and being put in second to your dog. I’ve had a cat and a dog before and I love my pets too and I place them on a pedestal but I can also balance my relationships properly and would never have such a callow reaction to an animal I love hurting the man I love.

  25. Looks like you’re the red flag in this story. How hardcore are you neglecting your boyfriend for him to get jealous over a dog? Also, you didn’t give a shit about him after he got fucking MAULED by a dog, choosing to throw a tantrum. Break up for his sake.

  26. It really sounds like things aren’t working here. He needs physical touch to feel loved, you’re not giving enough of it to him, your dog bit him, he kicked your dog (sounds like self defense to me).

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